People are self-interested and never perfect: that’s as ironclad as human rules get. But I, a corny Old, also believe that sincere intentions are the best lubricant for human interactions, that understanding and generosity are high virtues, and that truth exists—“Truth” being something definite, beyond subjectivity and interpretation (like NFL final scores, cities being bombed, jury verdicts, and the conviction that taxes paid by me will never ever fund adequate public services). Even if you don’t share any of those beliefs, you still are ripe for a dupin’ every day because even saints are self-interested and never perfect.

Overt deception is easy to identify. For example,

That’s an actual fortune cookie packet filled with air and nothing else. However, an empty package is unique, and therefore more valuable than an actual fortune cookie. So getting all Karenned to demand a tasteless cookie and lottery numbers is kinda dumb—for me, a recovering impatient; YMMV. Imma hold on to this most apt metaphor for NFL Draft speculation season, thank you very much, and thus own my own deception.

In general, though, being deceived is something that happens while you don’t notice being duped. The Dolphins, who put their trust on Adam Gase’s competence as a head coach, could have been duped; the Jets, who hired Gase thereafter, nope. Another example: sexual infidelity is your spouse sleeping around and hiding it. But if you know about that infidelity and tolerate it, you are not being deceived—in fact, you might be in a very French or quite Italian marriage.

Then there are situations in which the potential for getting duped is high, but one nevertheless relents. Being broke and getting a substantial loan through usury is an example. Another is getting shafted monthly by subscription services you don’t use, and then cannot get out of, because you must first file for arbitration in the Cayman Islands to recover about $17.37 (to date). Yes, most of us have been duped that way, but that is not really deception. Getting into that situation was the result of going “Yeah yeah accept all terms and conditions GIMME THE FREE MONTH”. Those were acts involving impatience and wholly shunning the fine print. Ahhh, the fine print, the repugnant monolith of single-spaced, tiny text that sets out precisely the ways in which you will get shafted. Trying to parse the stodgy, overwritten legalese will turn your attention into boredom, which will turn into disgust—a dynamic that, biologically, causes the release of YOLO hormones into your bloodstream. Truly, consumers’ lack of impulse control is what makes capitalism great for capitalist pigs.

But can you really get deceived by the fine print? Yes, of course, when the text is false. If there’s a problem and the company sticks to the fine print, which you didn’t read, that’s on you—much like having voted for Donald Trump in 2016 and then being shocked (shocked!) by his stint as 45. By 2016, it was wide public knowledge that the man was a liar who made a business career out of bilking employees and business partners. This time around, Trump is a proven sexual aggressor and serial fraudster. The adoration for Trump by the Christian Right proves that ideology and self-deception go together like whipped cream and genitals.

Chances are we will all get duped sometime, however smart or guarded one lives life. Me, being impetuous and trusting, paid money to go last Saturday to a boxing card organized and sponsored by YouTuber Jake Paul. (If you have no idea who Jake Paul is, I envy your obliviousness.) The main event was a bout between Amanda Serrano and Nina Meinke, an actual boxing bout with professional boxers. Amanda Serrano, one of the top female boxers in the world, is managed by Paul’s camp, and she certainly has achieved notoriety thanks to her association with Paul.

Jake Paul, a Boxing Fantasy Camper, was also scheduled to fight in the Co-Main [sic] Event vs. Ryan Bourland. Bourland, 35, had a gaudy 17-2 record (six wins by KO), and is built like a plumber. Hey, don’t take my word for it; here’s a picture:

Jake Paul won in a TKO in the first round, with Bourland going all Homer Simpson in the ring. It was the sort of lopsided result that causes ripples in the world of professional boxing but is a transparent travesty in every other context. As expected, right after the win, Paul broadcast his status as a media machine with muscles that deserves a title bout—BUT! That win stood to be upstaged by the main event, an actual bout featuring Amanda Serrano and Nina Meinke. Alas, the Serrano – Meinke main event was cancelled about 15 minutes after the Paul bout.

The explanation was that, some days before the fight, Amanda Serrano suffered an eye injury due to a “chemical” that was used to braid her hair. Despite that happening days before the bout, nobody said anything—because DUH, cancelling before the day and time of the fight would have dissipated all the hype and attention for all of the bouts. Reportedly, Meinke received the full purse as if she had won and the promoters announced “full refunds” for tickets.

Of course, “full” = ticket price excluding fees and Ticketmaster gouging costs. No fine print is needed, this sort of chicanery is already well known. The refund is mitigation for being taken for a ride and brings no joy.

Deception should never excuse the bastard(s) that engage in it. Howevah, trusting a shady character and a rich self-promoter should entail some personal accountability. Choosing to give money to Jake Paul is all on me, yes. But screw that guy; never again. Turn the page, close the book, put the book in a trunk, load the trunk on a boat, set the boat out to sea, and blast that boat with two tons of dynamite.

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