Monday Morning Mock Draft: Nudes In Bio

Good morning folks.  I’m putting this together on Saturday morning, since it’s a beautiful day here in Connecticut and I’m trying to avoid going outside.

I’m actually watching Sheffield United get shit-hammered by Newcastle.  Currently 5-1, and probably should be worse, but it’s still surprisingly entertaining and Sheffield’s keeper has been standing on his head.  So I thought I’d get ahead of things this week, instead of panic-rushing topics into production on Monday morning, a la the last two weeks.

This week we reach into the Well of Contributing Idea and come up with one from Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, and surprisingly not Balls.

This week we are drafting Best Nude Scenes.  This apparently comes from a Reddit thread that further specified it was a nude scene Hollywood had produced, but I see no reason for such limitations.  If it was a nude scene produced for mass entertainment by any source it is fair game, WITH THREE EXCEPTIONS:

1.  No porn.  That’s too easy and is outside of the purposes of today’s draft, which is celebrating the pleasant surprise of seeing some boobies, (or more!), during your consumptions of video entertainment.  No one is going to be surprised that they saw some boobs in ‘Mom The Babysitter’s Stuck In The Dryer 14.’
2. No amateur stuff.  I’m not going to say no one wants to see home movies but I am going to say I don’t want to see home movies.  The lighting’s always terrible anyway.
3. No stuff from Hacked Celebrity CellPhone Nudes Monthly or whatever the hell.  If it wasn’t filmed with the intention of being shared with the unwashed masses it is not eligible to be drafted here.

This will almost certainly come up given the topic, but the age of the actor/actress is what matters here.  Let’s face it, the #1 scene is going to involve a high school girl, (probably #2, #3, #4, and so on and so forth), but so long as the actor/actress in question was of legal age the scene is eligible.  If the actress in the scene you want to draft was underage, do not make that pick, do not move into my neighborhood, and please report yourself to the local authorities and FBI while you’re at it.

Finally, the usual DFO rules about nudity do apply, so use your discretion when posting pictures, or just break up the links.

So basically what we’re looking for is R-rated movies that had some fantastic nude scenes.  I have the utmost faith that you heathens are up to the job.  The topless male form, if that’s your thing, is eligible.  If you want to draft one where some gentleman is hanging dong you are, of course, free to do so, but to even things out with the ladies a dude showing nipples is fine.

Rikki gets the first pick.

I spent all weekend scouting for this pick, but in the end I decided to not overthink things and am going with A Sure Thing. Wait! No, not the 1985 John Cusack film The Sure Thing, that doesn’t have any actual nudity in it. I’m talking about certainly the most iconic nude scene of its era, and quite possibly of all time: Phoebe Cates, clad in a red bikini and accompanied by the music of “Moving in Stereo” by The Cars, stepping out of a swimming pool and into Brad’s (and the rest of our) fantasies. – Rikki

Author’s Note:  That son of a bitch Rikki took my idea, but in fairness Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool is really the only possible #1 pick here.  It’s just science.

With the second pick I will take Joyce Heyser in ‘Just One of the Guys’

I am, of course, referring to the reveal scene, where it turns out that Joyce is not, in fact, a dude.  A true classic that three seconds of googling will show you.

The rest of you are on the clock.