Strange happenings were indeed afoot at the Circle K. Read on/
Some things, one can NEVAR unhear. Like the match commentator comparing The Gospel According to Fatthew to…Magic Johnson? Uh, ok then. RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! have been doing it with smoke and mirrors, but the Chi**** held them in check, and forced two turnovers (committing none of their own) in a 24-18 victory. Don’t look now, but Caleb and his Bearistocrats! have clawed back to .500. Does respectability await? L.A. will enjoy the very early draft pick that they very much need.
Denver played next to no offense in a rain-soaked Meadowlands, but next to nothing leads to a 10-9 Donks WOO!! win. Will Lutz missed a 50-yard FG (maybe not a great idea to try) inside of 2 minutes, then made a dumb pass interference putting Q-aron into FG range. Lo, the defense stiffened yet again, leaving Zeuerlein with a 50-yard try of his own. Which he also missed, fittingly enough. Both teams now 2-2.
Jordan Love looked really not-ready to return to action, digging a 28-zip hole at home. But much like UGA the night before, Packers roared back to make it a game late, cutting the margin to 28-22, then 31-29 before a failed onside kick. My poor Wolven Sort alumnus missed two FGs for Green Bay, so he’ll be unemployed tomorrow. Vikes showed signs of mortality, but 4-0 is 4-0.
Red Rocket welcomed his old homies/fellow Cat Persons into the Richardson Family Plantation. There would be no vengeance, in a somehow-uneventful 34-24 loss. Cincy avoids the fatal 0-4 hole, but they still look pretty shite.
Coach Epps’ voodoo finally met its match in the Gravy Dome. Like Minny, the Humps looked like they’d win in a walk, only to sputter in the 2nd half. Yinzburgh scored almost at will after coming out of the half down 17-3 – but Mister Elite (filling in for a very stupidly-injured – again – Anthony Richardson) kept up just enough. PIT had one last hurrah with 2:00 and a 27-24 deficit, but a snap miscue put them behind the sticks and Strawberry Fields heaved a prayer pickerception. 27-24 it would end, and the questions about whether the Yinzer W/L record is a house of cards? Not really answered one way or the other. I’m just along for the ride, y’all.
Nick Sirianni really wants to get fired. Nick Sirianni really SHOULD get fired. But it was waaaayyyyyy cool when they ran back a blocked extra point for a double-rouge. That cut the once-24 point lead down to 30-16, but the Iggles had finished their scoring for the day. They need some health in the WR room, and are very happy for the early, upcoming bye week. 33-16 was the final.
Oy, N’Awlins. They took a very late 24-23 lead, just derpily enough to work the clock down to 1:00 and burn all of Sherman Ashes’ timeouts (pun sort of intended). Dingleberry called a dumb play for 5 yards that kept the clock running, then the center got them a 10-second runoff BLEERGH. I mean, for fuck’s sake. All NO had to do was NOT commit a 35+ yard DPI, which they naturally did straight away.
With 23 seconds left at the NO 40, now all Dingleberry needed to do was pick up 7-8 yards, spike the ball, and win with Younghoe. Instead, they called and/or threw THREE deep outs. All incomplete. Had the Falcons caught the third attempt, he would have been down inbounds and the clock would have expired. SO. STUPID. As a result, Koo had to try from 58 yards, 4 beyond his career long. But he made it, because he’s a fucking badass. Weird game, but 26-24 to the home team. NFC South remains odd, as is the custom.
Things went from bad to worse for Prison Girlfriend and his Duuuuuvvvvvaaaalllll pals. Despite scrapping and clawing to a late 20-17 lead, they kept giving the Stroud/Nico Collins combo chances, the last of which ended in a short TD completion to their 4th string RB for the win. 24-20, 500s get to 3-1, and Jaguras look forward to their annual London respite/twofer. At 0-4, that’s all they gots to look forward to.
Four in the late window, and I am interested in zero. Aside from Lesser Harbs running one-legged Herbert out there AGAIN, despite having a Week 5 bye. Naturally, they hobbled to an early 10-zip lead “home” to Kansas City, because everything that fuckhead does seems to work out for him (meaning Harbs, I got no problem with Herbert). Chefs slowly lurched back even at 10, before the Clips finally showed an offensive pulse. But 4th and 1 from the 3, Harbs oddly goes for it, AND tries play action. With a QB who can’t move. He throws incomplete prior to getting mashed, while ineffective holding is declined. KC eventually gets a short TD run from Perine and wins, 17-10.
Raiders and #ThePauls met to see which squadron was MOAR mentally checked out. Oh man, did both teams shart all over the pitch. CLE, like the Clips, led 10-nil. Then Vegas ran off 20 straight, followed by a #ThePauls’ defensive TD…but they missed the extra point. A great man\y punts followed. Mister Touchy got as far as the Raiders 10 on their last gap, but got sacked on 4th and 3, for like the millionth time. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, 20-16 it ends.
You had to reckon Santa Clara, staring at a 1-2 record, would focus and beat the tar shit out of the P*ts. And you’d be right. Tomsulas roll, 30-13. I noticed almost nothing.
Qards and Commies, an old school NFC East matchup that ALWAYS got televised in Hippo’s home (Charlotte) TV market growing up. God, did I hate watching that boring slop. Totally forget where I was going with that, probably nowhere. Maybe sommet about Neil Lomax? Xbox, Jr. might as well have been Lomax, whether the latter is even still alive. Jayden Daniels? Still looking very, very good. 42-14 in the desert. The NFC Special Needs Division can has changing of the guard???
Given the lacklustre late window, the balancing comes with a killer SNF matchup, Bills Mafia away to the Ratbirds. Fucking a, let’s go! El Tractorcito was so excite, he took his first touch for 80+ and a score! He’d run another one in, to start Q2. One starts to sense despair on the BUF sideline. Then The Miseducation of Justice Hill got his, and I was Vodka League annoyed and quit paying attention. Balmer ain’t losing this’un.
