Goddess II – Episode 4



An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

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[Sky View Suite, Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Dusk]

When the elevator doors open…..

tWBS:  Holee…

Leticia:  …Shit.

balls (giggling):  Hee hee.  Told ya.

Leticia:  da Fuq?????

Vanessa:  Right?????

balls:  Welcome to the Sky View Suite.  Thanks to Leticia and Vanessa spotting that Old Bag’s bullshit, we’re comped.  Let’s get crunk.

tWBS:  You guys go ahead.  Imma hit the jacuzzi and soak for a bit.

tWBS moves to the refrigerator, pulls out four beers and pops the top on one and hands the other three to balls.  Then without saying another word walks toward the Jacuzzi tub, stripping as he goes.  Only moments later, he’s soaking and drinking.  balls opens the other three beers and hands one each to Vanessa and Leticia.

Vanessa (to Leticia):  What’s up his ass?

Leticia (hesitant):  He ummmmm….  Well just before you guys showed up at the bar…  He ummmm….

balls:  Oh shit, what did that fucktard do now?

Leticia:  He told me… he loves me.

balls and Vanessa (in unison):  Oh Thank Fuck!!!!  It’s about goddamned time!!!!!!

Leticia:  But it’s….

Vanessa:  No!!  No buts!!!

balls (laughing):  Actually, I am fully in favor of butts.  (to Vanessa) …  Especially that sweet ass of yours, baby.  Holy shit, bring that thing over here.  Where’d we put those handcuffs, anyway?

Vanessa (giggling):  Oh, I’ve got those right here, baby…..

balls (grabbing Vanessa by the neck and kissing her hard):  That’s my girl!!!!!!

Leticia:  OK, I don’t need to see any more of this sooooo…..  Yeah….I’m just gonna go and…ummmmm…

balls and Vanessa begin making out again.  Then they fall onto the chaise lounge overlooking the Luxor and the rest of the strip.  Then they….

Leticia:  Yeah, OK.  You guys have fun.  I’m just gonna go and….

Vanessa bites balls on the neck and he slaps her ass….HARD.

Leticia grabs two more beers from the refrigerator while trying her best not to listen to the increasing moans of ecstasy.

Leticia:  Right.  OK.  I hope that chaise is Scotch-guarded.


Five minutes later, tWBS has sunken into the tub and is sipping his beer while watching QuickPitch™ on the gigantic TV in the bathroom.  That’s right, there’s a gigantic TV on the wall in the bathroom.

Ubaldo Jimenez only lasted 2.2 innings tonight in Boston, yielding 6 runs on 5 hits and 4 walks as the Red Sox pounded the Orioles by a final of…..

tWBS:  Yep, sounds about right.  (changing the channel to cartoons and giggling immediately)

Leticia enters the room and hands him one of the two beers she’s carrying.  She sits hers on the side of the tub and begins undressing.

Leticia:  What?  No porn?

tWBS:  Maybe later.  Besides, isn’t there already enough porn out there in the other room?

Leticia:  If not, there will be soon I think.  Also, why do you watch this crap?

tWBS:  Because it’s funny.

Leticia:  This explains a lot.

tWBS gives her an eat shit and die look, but says nothing.  Leticia climbs into the tub, picks up her beer, and slides over close to tWBS.  After a moment, she takes the remote from him and turns the TV off.

tWBS:  Way uncool.  You know, you could learn a lot from Birdgirl.

Leticia:  Try to remember that your nuts are like only 8 inches from me right now.

tWBS:  Speaking of 8 inches….

Leticia:  Shit, I should have seen that one coming.

tWBS:  Phra…..

Leticia:  Please don’t do that right now.  Soooooo….earlier, downstairs.  You were saying something.

tWBS:  I said a lot of things downstairs.  You’ll have to be more specific.

Leticia:  Really?  This is how you’re gonna play this?  You’re gonna play dumb?

tWBS:  I’m not playing.

Leticia:  Yeah, no shit.

tWBS giggles, but says nothing.

Leticia:  So why did you say that?

tWBS:  Well see, there’s this thing called “words”.  Usually when someone wishes to express an opinion or a feeling, their mouth moves and these word thingy’s come out.  It’s really cool actually.  I’m surprised you’ve never heard of it.

Leticia (not amused):  I swear to God….

tWBS (giggling):  Relax, I’m just teasing you.  (thinks a moment) …  Look, I said what I said.  It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Leticia:  But we’ve never…  Ya know?

tWBS:  Yes, of course I know.  I was there.  Remember?

Leticia (hesitant):  It’s just that…  I wasn’t expecting to hear that.

tWBS (sarcastically):  Yeah, I could tell by your tender response and by the way you inhaled your vodka shot.

Leticia:  Well considering the way things… I mean with all of the…

tWBS:  Hey, don’t worry about it.  Like I said, it’s not a big deal.  So let’s just forget it, OK?

Leticia:  But…

Just then the sounds of ecstasy from the other room gain in volume and intensity.  The sounds of balls smacking against ass have also now become audible. It’s like a boot stuck in mud,  only wetter.

Vanessa:  OH MY GOD BABY!!!!  YES, RIGHT THERE!!!!


tWBS:  Oh FFS.

tWBS takes the remote control back from Leticia and turns the TV back on.  He then turns the volume up as loud as it will go.

Soon, he’s giggling again.

tWBS (giggling):  Hehehehe…. “Come get it before it sinks… I ate a lotta meat last night” …  See?  That’s funny.

Leticia:  *sigh* …  Yep, explains a lot.


Luis:  What?  It’s funny!

Manuel: If I knew you were this immature…

Luis: Oh, shut up!  You love it! I keep you young!

Manuel:  What are you trying to say?

Luis:  Nothing lover.  You just need to relax.  How’s the Beaver Tail?

Manuel: Not bad.  I didn’t think I’d like it, but..

Luis: Pretty yum, right?  Aren’t you glad I decided for us to check out the ByWard Market?

Manuel:  You have some good ideas every once in a while.

Luis:  Speaking of, how are we going to kill those idiots?

Manuel:  I’ve been thinking about that. TWBS, the moron that Leticia somehow likes, got a room at the Mandalay Bay.  Apparently, he’s sharing it with balls.  At least until the girls get there.  I can call Leticia, tell her I’m in town, and see if she and her friend can come meet us for a drink.  When they’re separated, we strike.

Luis (eating a Beaver Tail): Shrounds goo!

Discretely, a thin young man that had been sitting quietly nearby gets up, walks away, and starts looking at his phone.

The Maestro:  Shit, I’ve got to warn those guys!


An hour later, tWBS is still in the Jacuzzi but now he is alone and asleep.

tWBS (talking in his sleep and giggling):  Welcome to Ballmart!!!!!!  Hee hee…

He is awoken by the sound of a ringing phone.

tWBS (still half asleep):  Shit, where’s my phone?

He gets out of the tub and sees that Leticia has moved to the bed.  She’s curled up under the covers asleep.  tWBS stops for only a second to notice how beautiful she is.  She looks like an angel.  He picks up his phone, but finds that it’s not ringing.  When he wakes up a little more, he realizes the ringing phone is in the other room.  He moves to the doorway and quietly but angrily says…

tWBS:  Dammit Balls, pull out for a minute and answer your fucking phone!!!!

Then he notices neither Balls nor Vanessa are in that room any longer.  tWBS walks over and grabs Balls’ phone and answers it.

tWBS:  Hello?

But by the time he answers, the caller has hung up.  He looks at the caller ID and sees it’s a Canadian number.

tWBS:  Meh.  Probably just a telemarketer.  Or one of Balls’ phone sex girls.  If it’s important they’ll call back.

tWBS moves toward the suite’s second bedroom to give Balls his phone.  He knocks, but there’s no response.  When he peeks his head into the room, he sees it’s empty and the bed is still made.  He turns back to the main room and notices that on the bar in the center of the room there are several empty beer bottles and shot glasses.  He quickly moves around the entire suite, going room to room, but finds neither Balls nor Vanessa anywhere.

tWBS:  Oh shit.  Please tell me they didn’t.

Then a sinking feeling hits tWBS.  When he goes to the room safe and opens it, it is empty.  But on top of it is a scribbled note…

“Hey man,

You and Leticia both conked out and we didn’t want to disturb you.  But we still wanted to party so we’re headed downstairs for some fun and to try to double our money.  Wish us luck!!!

Love yas,


tWBS (panicked, still naked, and running):  Leticia!!!!  I think we might have a problem!!!!

As he runs into his and Leticia’s bedroom to wake her, he fails to turn a light on and trips over his own suitcase which is still in the middle of the room.  Both his and Balls’ phones fly from his hand and into the still full Jacuzzi.

tWBS:  Oh, goddammit!!!!!!

Leticia (waking up now):  What the fuck are you doing?

tWBS (fishing both phones out of the water):  Ummmmm… first, we have to go find Balls and Vanessa.  Then later we’re also gonna have to go buy a shitload of rice.

Leticia:  OK, that’s it.  No more vodka for you, dumbass.



An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought the comments needed massive hair flippin’ so sue me.


Rice AND handcuffs? Sounds like Nam to me – J McCain


I’m surprised and disappointed in the lack of benwa balls.


No wonder Freddie Prinze Jr married her. She can’t seem to fully close her mouth.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna put money down now that the inevitable car chase between Chewy, Luis and Manuel, and Dave outta nowhere will be more Wacky Races than Bullitt. Probably a pane of glass and a fruit stand involved.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

i alway figured twbs and balls to be Android users

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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