As some of my posts may have indicated, I am a little bit of a Star Wars fan. I have some opinions on the way certain people have done certain things in certain Star Wars films. Some of them are positive and some of them are negative, but I have always wanted to project an air of calm and take a reasoned approach in giving voice to my admiration and criticism. With that in mind, I have seen Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens.
(I hate pretty much every name in the film, but “Snoke,” “The Force Awakens,” and “First Order” are particularly awful. I am stating this here so as not to be repetitive later.)
Major spoilers.
I’m going to spoil everything.
Don’t read this if you haven’t seen the film.
This is your last warning: I’M GOING TO RUIN THIS FOR YOU IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT.
OK. So.
That was FUCKING AMAZING. As a theatrical experience, I really can’t remember the last time I was so fully engaged by the action and emotion of a film. There was more awesome in the first ten minutes of The Force Awakens than there was in the entire seven+ hours of the prequels. THEY ALREADY KILLED MAX VON SYDOW. AND WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS.
Yet, oddly enough, the first fifteen-twenty minutes are by far the worst part of the film. If you like Force Coincidences you’re going to LOVE how we get through the Jakkuine/Star Destroyer/Jakkuine/Han Solo’s Frigate sequence. Finn goes off the First Order plan at the exact same moment that Poe is making his escape and then Finn can fly a TIE fighter even though it’s later revealed that he was a janitor and then they crash land right next to where Rey and BB-8 are on Jakkuine and then they know where the Millennium Falcon is and then Rey knows how to fix and fly the Millennium Falcon and then they fly away from Jakkuine right to Han Solo and then Han captures the Millennium Falcon and then they get boarded and then the monsters Han is smuggling get loose and then they fight the monsters and the boarding parties and then they win and then Han tells Finn and Rey that the legends are true.
That, dear friends, is the Will Of The Force working overtime.
There are even more coincidences, chief among them being that the main bad guy is Leia and Han’s son who Luke tried and failed to train in the ways of the Force. The good thing about the way they did this is that it is not some shocking reveal at some climactic moment in the film. It’s just them getting back together and saying “Hey, what are we gonna do about this asshole kid of ours?” and deciding to go after him one last time.
And then there are the three major CGI characters: Unkar Plutt, Maz Kanata, and Supreme Leader Snoke. Unkar Plutt is the junk dealer on Jakkuine and is the device used to kick off the Get Off Jakkuine sequence. He’s not horrible, I guess, but the CGI rendering was obvious and his actions regarding the offer for BB-8 were asinine. No one would transact such obviously high-stakes, riot-causing business in public. Next we have Maz Kanata. Maz Kanata is the ghost in the machineiest ghost in the machine ever. Incredibly sensitive information, secret getaway pilots, legendary lightsabers, one of the last good Old Fashioneds in the galaxy–Maz Kanata’s Force Coincidence Emporium’s got it all! THE MACGUFFIN IS IN A FUCKING BOX, PEOPLE. Finally, there is Snoke. Words cannot express how much I hate this name. So that’s not the best start. Snoke’s CGI hologram is terrible; I thought he was the Imperious Leader from Battlestar Galactica upon his reveal. He’s just not intimidating and frightening enough in appearance to be the one behind all this evil.
Because the First Order is fucking evil. EVIL. If your shit is in their way it will get blown the fuck up. They are what the Empire always should have been–faceless, implacable killing machines. The Ewoks would not have fared well against this bunch. The Trade Federation’s Japanese Hat Brigade wouldn’t have made it past the meet and greet. They bring the whoop-ass from the beginning and never let up. They are an enemy worthy of our fear, hatred, and respect.
Is our main villain worthy of the same? Nope. And he’s not supposed to be. Kyla Ren is a whiny, petulant little bitch who can’t even make a proper lightsaber. He isn’t in full control of his emotions or the Force and lashes out indiscriminately with both. Even in his moment of triumphantly turning fully to the Dark Side he is weak and cowardly, killing his father in a shocking betrayal of even the most basic human decency. The fact that he was later out-Forced and out-asskicked by a scavenger girl will serve to multiply his insecure rage even further, and this character is bound to get way darker in the next film.
Which brings us to our heroes. Heroes we cared about from the moment we saw them until the moment the film ended. Our first two heroes, Finn and Poe, are the subject of my biggest gripe with the film. Finn’s turn from the First Order was given such short shrift you wonder why they even bothered. It’s not like his being a Storm Trooper was a key factor in his character or led to some critical plot point. He could have just been some dude on the Star Destroyer that was having a bad day at work when Poe ran into him. This could have used a lot more exploration into the character’s thoughts and motivation. Then, once Finn and Poe get together, it’s a laughably short sequence of bromantic events to get them off the Star Destroyer. In my mind, they could have eliminated the stupid and pointless Fight The Boarders And Escaped Monsters On Han’s Frigate sequence and given us that time on the Star Destroyer to get to know Finn and Poe and to better establish their relationship. Finn is particularly strongly portrayed, and he comes off as a completely believable heroic character. Poe is less so, but he’ll probably get a lot more screen time in the next film.
Rey completely steals the film. She’s just fucking awesome. You just want this character to kick some fucking ass and overcome the obstacles in her way. And does she ever. From the Force Coincidence of intuitively knowing how to fix and fly everything to the Force Coincidence of intuitively knowing the Jedi Mind Trick(s) to the Force Coincidence of intuitively knowing how to fight with a lightsaber, Rey is kicking ass and overcoming obstacles like a JEDI BAWSE. Also there’s just something about the sleeves.
It looked like a Star Wars film. It sounded like a Star Wars film. It FELT like a Star Wars film. It was everything the prequels were not. If George Lucas had a conscience he’d be swinging from a rafter in Skywalker Ranch. FOR FUCK’S SAKE YOU DIDN’T EVEN NAME THE CHARACTER SKYWALKER YOU NAMED IT STARKILLER UNTIL SOMEBODY ELSE SUGGESTED MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T NAME IT AFTER CHARLIE MANSON YOU FUCKING FRAUD
What George Lucas never understood is that just because you can make things MOAR doesn’t mean that the audience will care if there’s nothing behind the MOAR. In The Force Awakens, when things go MOAR faster, they go MOAR faster for a reason. When things get MOAR shouty, they get MOAR shouty for a reason. When things get MOAR explodey, they get MOAR explodey for a reason. In the prequels, things just get MOAR. You don’t know why, and you don’t care why. You’re just looking at a stupid, stupid man’s shiny, shiny object.
In summary, Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens was better than I ever imagined was possible. Was it basically a shot-for-shot remake of A New Hope? Yep! Did it matter? Nope! It straight-up stole those tropes because they work and made them look 100 times more amazing than they did in the original film. We didn’t need a complicated plot because this was supposed to be a fast-paced origin story that introduces the new characters and gets everything going and that’s exactly what we got. This one kicks Return Of The Jedi off the podium.
Oh, and Starkiller Base whatever was inexcusable. Just make it another Death Star if you’re going to be that blatant.
8.5 of 10 Lightsabers
