Weekly Puzzle: Dinner Party in Dallas

So originally I was going to do a little puzzle of having you guess which snippets of text are from reviews of The Phantom Menace and which are from reviews of the Apple Watch, but I can't bear to put up with combing through a bunch of drivel produced by fawning

Brooklyn-99 Puzzle

Not sure if anyone here watches Brooklyn 99, but there was a puzzle a few episodes ago and I just wasted a bunch of time figuring out a solution, so I'm gonna clog up this blog by posting it here.  Enjoy! Puzzle: You have 12 islanders, and one of them is