Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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Old School Zero

Budweiser invented beer in St. Louis, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s kind of funny to me that a pair of Gawker writers – who wouldn’t know the proper form of a homonym to use if their lives depended on it – would have the audacity to mock anything written by someone else.

Old School Zero

“How many St. Louisans have actually met an Italian?”

WATCH OUT, DTZM! IT’S A GREASER!