There was a strange atmospheric phenomenon in Southern California last weekend. Last Saturday, Halloween, the daytime temperature climbed into the upper 80’s. We had been dealing with several months of above average temps and enough humidity to think we had moved to the fucking equator. Then Halloween eve, as night set, the temperature dropped into the upper 50’s. We did the “Fall Back” with the clocks and when we woke on Sunday? Fucking Fall. Just like that.

I enjoy grilling season as much as anybody, more than most actually but I love when the days turn chilly and you can turn on the oven inside without any fear of personally bursting into flames. One of the many great things about the Holidays is coming in from outside and having the entire house smell delicious and savory and hearing everyone else say the same thing. I admit I am a shameless whore when it comes to cooking praise. I even seek it out unsolicited. “Isn’t that delicious?” “Doesn’t that smell better than anything you’ve ever smelled?” “Why the fuck didn’t you finish your chicken? What the fuck is wrong with you?” And so on.

Admit it though, one of your strongest childhood memories of the holiday season is your olfactory memory. Music and cooking aromas are two of the strongest memory recollections your brain keeps on file. My Mom’s mother (MiMi) used to be an amazing baker and to this day I can recall the smells when walking into her house as she was slow baking a ham and making her home made rolls. And exactly like Pavlov’s dog I just started drooling typing out this recollection.

This is Autumn goddammit and it’s time for slow cooked goodness. It’s time to drive the household insane smelling wonderful smells that won’t be served for another three hours. “Shut up and eat your Chex Mix! It will be ready when I say it’s ready!” Doing all of this on a football Sunday? Motherfucking magical!

We will be making a beef stew filled with many autumnal hints of wonderful, tasty things. I have to admit, growing up, stew was not my favorite thing my Mom made. Sorry in advance, Ma but your stew sucked monkey balls. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I loved my mother which is why I can say these horrible things about her guilt free. Love and miss you Ma! She used to cook the right meats and veggies OK but she had no flair, no how you say “je ne sais quoi”. I think it came down to cooking liquids used in the braising process. She would cut up her veggies, brown her meat properly then throw all of the items including her herbs into a pot and cover with water. It will certainly make a stew but it will taste like a stew that’s been cooked in water. Not to mention she threw whole tomatoes in her stew. I advise against that.

What I will be doing instead of using just water, I will be using beef stock, red wine ( a red that you actually, you know, enjoy drinking) a little splash or two of imported balsamic vinegar and I will finish with some really nice mushrooms to turn the culinary volume up to 11.

In addition to showing you how to make a kick ass beef stew I want to show you some real cooking techniques. Rule #1. Season every step of the way. Seasoning doesn’t mean just salting. It means adding flair, pizzazz, you know, “je ne sais quoi”.

Let’s do this fucking thing.

Beef Stew ala yeah right.

Grab a slab of 2-1/2 lbs of chuck roast. You can use stew meat, why it’s very name makes you want to use it by default but as I mentioned in my earlier post about German Goulash using one slab of meat gives you a more consistent and predictable cooking preparation. Stew meat is leftover cuts of many types of cow flesh.

1 onion choppped

3-4 celery stalks chopped

3-4 carrots peeled and chopped

2 russet potatoes peeled and cut in chunks

5-6 sliced crimini mushrooms

4-5 cloves of garlic minced

3-4 tablespoons flour

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

2 tablespoons of cooking oil

32 oz of beef stock. It’s OK to use store bought but if you have some home made by all means do that instead.

1 cup of good red wine. I’m using a Clos Du Bois Shiraz today.

1 teaspoon dried thyme

1 teaspoon smoked Spanish paprika

2 bay leaves

Salt and pepper to taste.

First of all we are gonna butcher us a damn cow! Well, not a whole cow just a big slab of chuck roast.

Trim as much or as little of the fat as preferred but DO remove the gristle lines, there are two or three that thread through the meat, you can tell by the silverskin. Chop this bastard into decent sized chunks but not too big. Preheat a dutch oven on the stove top. Put the flour into a plastic bag, drop in the meat chunks and shake the bag to coat the meat in flour. Add in the oil to the dutch oven and working in batches brown the meat on both sides. About 3-4 minutes per side. While browning season each side with salt and pepper. Take the browned meat from the dutch oven and put into a bowl. When all of the meat has been browned, deglaze the pot with a splash of beef stock and a splash of wine. Scrape up all of the delicious browned meaty bits. Now we are going to toss in the chopped onion, celery and carrots. What is another name for the chopped onion, celery and carrot class?

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..

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A mirepoix. That’s right! You all are smart motherfuckers.

Cook the mirepoix in the winey mixture for about 8-10 minutes before adding in the minced garlic. Return the beef to the pot, add in the remaining beef stock, wine, vinegar, thyme, paprika, bay leaves and a little more salt and pepper then bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and let this fucker go for about 90 minutes on the stove top. This can be done in the oven but I like to keep an eye on the fluid level and it also gives me the chance to adjust seasonings if needed.

When it’s been cooking for awhile it should look something like this.

To address a couple of questions: no, this will not be done in 90 minutes and I did not forget the potatoes and mushrooms. If you cooked those from the beginning you would lose them in the gravy and you would also be making a beef and mashed potato soup, which, come to think of it sounds kind of awesome but not today, dammit! If you wanted to at this point you could peel and cut up your potatoes, slice the mushrooms and add them to the party, let it go for about 45 minutes to an hour and you are ready to serve. I’m doing the two day method (yes, again) to consolidate the flavors as well as get the hard part out of the way on Saturday so when I’m watching the games on Sunday all I have to do is remove the pot from the fridge, reheat, add in the mushrooms and potatoes and let ‘er rip on a slow simmer for an hour. It might also be a good idea at this time to drop some of that seasoning knowledge I’ve been preaching. Maybe a little more salt, a couple more grinds of freshly ground black pepper and maybe a little drizzle of some more balsamic vinegar. It’s your damn taste buds. Make them happy.

Serve this with a crusty bread, I’m using a San Francisco style baguette of sourdough for this.

Let’s address some of the teaching points here: You learned how to trim down a slab of cow for cooking. You learned how to do a slow braise. You learned how to make a mirepoix and you learned that it’s important to season every step of the way.

Additional thoughts, add in some turnips if so inclined, you can substitute the beef with a pork shoulder while changing the red wine to white wine and the beef stock to chicken stock, maybe throw in a few roasted green chilies for a little kick. Experiment with mushrooms! Look what it did for me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR8LFNUr3vw

There you go, kids! A lovely autumn or winter dish that makes the whole house smell delightful while tasting insanely good. It’s actually even kinda sorta in a vague kinda way healthyish.

And nobody will tell you that your stew sucks monkey balls.

“But after a while you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth. Most acid fanciers can handle this sort of thing.”

“Now throw that radio in the tub right when that rabbit eats it’s own fucking head!”

Have fun out there.