[Marcus Mariota walks alone through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, California. He seems to have a confused look on his face, as he sits down on a park bench in front of a small pond. A few ducks swim by. One stops and stares at him.]
Marcus: Will you be my friend?
Duck: Quack quack!
[There is a long pause as the duck continues to stare at Marcus. After a while, he sighs.]
Marcus: I wonder if he will ever show up.
[A homeless man lying on a bench across the pond snores loudly, fast asleep.]
Duck: Quack quack quack!
Marcus: Heh, okay buddy. Quack quack! Arizona State students don’t know what state they’re in!
Duck: Quack! Oregon State girls play with their Beavers!
Marcus: Haha! That’s– wait, what?!
[The duck begins to rise out of the water, followed by a large figure.]
Marcus: Co-coach! Aloha! What the hell…?! Why were you…?!
Chip: Ssh! Keep your voice down.
[The homeless man across the pond stirs in his sleep.]
Chip: It is good to see you, my young Franchise Quarterback.
Marcus: You too, Coach. I was really surprised that you wanted to meet all the way out here in California. Now that it’s the offseason, I figured we could have at least met back at Campus…
Chip: There have been some changes to the plan, Marcus, and this is one of them. You did a great job down the stretch, and accomplished everything I asked you to this year, but that damn Bud Adams seems convinced to keep Mike around for next year.
Marcus: I know, Coach. I thought the 3 wins would be plenty to get him fired. Maybe you shouldn’t have ruined the Eagles as badly as you did, and we’d have another year to figure this out.
Chip: No no, Marcus. You’re too good to have another year like that. No matter. I have decided to take the head coaching position here, with the San Fransisco 49ers!
[The homeless man across the pond suddenly sits straight up and starts shouting something unintelligible. Neither Marcus nor Chip seem to hear him.]
Marcus: Well, okay. But how does that get me on your team? I thought I was the only one would could run your system like you wanted.
Chip: Easy! You just have to transfer! I’ll give you a full scholarship!
Marcus: What?!…I…I don’t know what to say.
Chip: You can thank me later. First, we need to start finding you some brighter, I mean, better weapons. I’m sure Riley would join us, but… Hmm…
[The homeless man falls into the pond and seems to be trying to swim towards them, poorly.]
Marcus: No, you don’t get it! It doesn’t work like that in the NFL! There are no transfers or scholarships here! I’m under contract with the Titans!
Chip: You mean, I gave Sam Bradford all that money, for nothing? It wasn’t just donated by some stupid backers?
Marcus: I don’t know why I listened to you! I should’ve known this plan would never work here! It’s time to stop living in the past! I’m going to become a real NFL pocket passing quarterback! Aloha, Coach!
[Marcus storms off as Chip stands there with a puzzled look on his face.]
Chip: But, I was so sure… Well, this isn’t so bad. I guess I’ll just have to make this… [Stares down at roster sheet] …Blaine Gab-bert my next Franchise Quarterback. At least, until I find a talented freshman to red shirt…
[Chip wanders off just as the homeless man swims into earshot.]
Jim: WAAAAIIIITTTTT! COME BACK! …Dagnabbit, Jim! If only you woulda caught him! You remember what Spare Tire Teddy always says? “Eat a man’s heart and you take his job.” I coulda been back in the big time…
[Pete Carroll sits up in his bed, laughing.]
Glena: What is it, honey? Did one of the Lizard People tell you a good joke?
Pete: Not tonight, dear. This is much better. We’re getting 2 more free division wins next year!
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