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INT. DARKENED MOVIE THEATER – NIGHT
A set of three forms sit in front of a darkened movie screen. Two – TOM SERVO and CROW T. ROBOT – are mechanical, while the third – JOEL HODGSON – is human. The screen lights up as a set of opening titles flash across the screen, followed by a set of shots of a glowing light racing across a southwestern landscape.
TOM SERVO: I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque!
The air begins to shimmer, and a pair of robots materialize in the seats next to TOM SERVO, JOEL, and CROW.
JOEL: Oh, hey guys, you made it!
RQBOCOP: Yeah, we…wait, where are we now?
BRONCO: [recognizing his surroundings] Oh boy! This is going to be a treat. What are we watching?
CROW: The Wraith. From 1986. Starring Charlie Sheen!
TOM SERVO: Who would have thought that someone who delivered such a convincing portrayal of a Wall Street executive would have his acting career derailed by his obsession with cocaine and hookers?
TOM SERVO: Mortadella!
CROW: Not my Bubblicious!
RQBOCOP: Is he referring to the woman’s vagina?
BRONCO: Dude! Come on, man! Be cool.
CROW: Yeah, bro.
TOM SERVO: Seriously, pal.
RQBOCOP: It is a criminal offense to make threats of that nature.
BRONCO: It’s just a movie. Don’t get so dark.
TOM SERVO: I’m the director of this movie, and I tell you it will be more frightening if the ghost looks like Robocop.
JOEL: Yeah, well I’m the producer, and I say Robocop is too expensive!
TOM SERVO: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent!
RQBOCOP: I am not Mexican, nor was I contacted by my representation about appearing in this film…
BRONCO: Goddamnit, RQBOCOP, be funny, or SHUT UP!
CROW: There’s nose gold in them thar hills!
RQBOCOP: That is not proper police procedure for engaging with potential informants.
BRONCO: Shut UP!
JOEL: Is he drinking hydraulic fluid?
TOM SERVO: [shakes his head sadly] Prohibition really hit this town hard.
CROW: Soon enough he’ll be moving onto the hard stuff, like motor oil.
BRONCO: It’s a slippery slope.
CROW: A yellow and black supercharged Pontiac Firebird?
TOM SERVO: Woo! Todd Haley!
JOEL: Todd Haley!
ALL: Woo! Todd Haley!
CROW: Todd Haley…loses the Super Bowl?
CROW: [to the tune of the police station scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off] ♫…Jake…♫
TOM SERVO: [counterpart] ♫…Jamie…♫
JOEL: Well this is MUCH better!
CROW: To be honest, the original Jamie had terrible halitosis.
All of a sudden, RQBOCOP and BRONCO begin to dematerialize…
JOEL: Later, guys! Thanks for stopping by!
BRONCO: No! I was having fun…