I may have *fallen asleep* before the Thursday nighter even started. Maybe I didn’t. I’m not sure. Later adulthood is a never-ending blur of obligations, errands, nodding one’s head in agreement, (even though you disagree but you’ve been through this many times before and you know the futility of possibly dying on this particular hill), chores, putting on pants to face the outside world, false smiles and substances. Sweet, sweet substances. Ah… Uh, I mean, TO THE GAMES!

SF/Buf-With a new (old) qb comes renewed hope. Enter Mr. Kaep, won’t you? He’s rated by white people as the most ungrateful of all passers in the league. Asked to comment about the benching of Gabbert, HC Kelly said, “Well, the complexion of our offense has changed, that’s for sure”. Look at you, Buffalo- winners of three straight! Those wins have catapulted them to a position directly below the Pats, where everyone else in the AFC East belongs. How have they done it? Penn and Gillette can’t figure this one out.

Phi/Was-This here is a battle for something in the NFC East. The Eagles lead the league in point differential with a +64, thanks to having given up a mere 51 points to date. Sure it’s because of their early bye week but Philly fans deserve *something* to hang their urine-soaked baseball caps on, don’t they? No? Okay then. Expect the Eagles to run the ball down the throat of a Redacteds D that is missing their starting safeties, has an under-performing dl and features smallish inside lb’s.

Cle/Ten-Interested in a wee bit of the old self-flagellation? This is the game for you.

Bal/NYG-[mumbles under breath, “Stupid Fucking Giants!”] The Ravens kicked OC Trestman out the door as expected and replaced him with Marty Mornhinweg. So of course there’s much chatter about the O being “more balanced” and having a “new look” because installing offences take less than five days. Yeesh. Perhaps it won’t matter-the Giants dl can’t generate enough pressure to open a pickle jar. Qb Eli is missing some god-awful easy throws to wide-open guys. This trend shall continue.

Car/NO-What to make of Carolina? They had a chance to get well against Tampa and dropped the ball. (down a well) Qb Newton is back this week and will no doubt continue to feed the league’s best te (to this point) Greg Olsen. Qb Brees will counter with yet another 350+ yard game and it will all end in tears for Saints fans.

Jax/Chi-Here’s the reason why backup qb’s can always find work around the NFL. Hoyer has 3 straight games of over 300 yards with nary an intercept. Of course it will all go down the crapper at some point but some number-crunching wonk will look at this streak in a few years and say, “Why don’t we bring in that guy Hoyer for a look? He had a great run back in ’16 for the Bears”. As Vonnegut was fond of typing, “and so it goes…”

LA/Det-The smart money says that the 3-2 Rams begin their inevitable descent to their 6-10 season here in Detroit. Powerhouse back Gurley has yet to run for 100 so that means that qb Keenum will have to put the team on his…[laughs]

Pit/Mia-Congrats to Fins rb Ajayi-it only took him 5 weeks to become the team’s leading rusher. Behold the awesomeness that is 117 yards total! Someone tell rook HC Gase that this rebuilding thing is headed in the wrong direction. The Steelers are beginning to understand just how good they are and will crush Miami’s throat under their jackboot forever and ever…

Cin/NE-The only thing that could make Brady’s long-awaited homecoming would be an appearance by The Trumpster himself. That would be a lovely reminder, to me at least, of how Tom The Terrific treated the first beauty that he knocked up. Of course the Pats will win this one in a walk-since 2007 Brady is 48-1 against the AFC at home.

Let’s get this going-START WITH THE FUNNY!