Better Know a Mythical Woodland Creature: Romonculus

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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As we delve deeper and deeper into the postseason, we’re also going to be delving deeper and deeper into DFO’s mythological pantheon.  This week, we’ll be taking a look at one of the most ephemeral creatures to make occasional appearances on the gridiron, the Romonculus.  

Species Name: Romo Sapiens

Individual Names: Leon Lettucewin, Fumblesnapskin, others.

From: Thin air, and back again into thin air.

Descended from/Spawned by: Unknown, though legend suggests the trickster god DOINK was involved in their genesis.

Original habitat: Cabo San Lucas

Lifespan: Typically less than one second.

Height: 12 inches

Weight: Just enough to affect the flight of a football, never more.

Position: Provider of Cowboys schadenfreude.

Primary Ability: Pushing balls off course by a slight amount.

Secondary Ability: Ability to possess and control rare types of individuals and guide their actions.

lett

Why are they in the news: Did you notice that Mason Crosby’s kick against the Cowboys two weeks seemed to change direction slightly?  That was a Romonculus at work.

 

Likes: Field goal snaps, long passes, incomprehensible rules defining legal catches.

Dislikes: Cowboys victories.

Preferred Method of Worship: Screaming “WWWWWWAAAAAH-EEEEEY”

What scouts are saying: 

  • Force multiplier: small actions yield big results.
  • Impressive change-of-direction skills.
  • Breath of fresh air.

Immediate impact: Sadness for Cowboys fans, mirth and amusement for everyone else.

Down the road: Continued degeneration of Jerry Jones’ sanity (aided by Syphillisis, goddess of sexually transmitted football diseases).

 

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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Request Line: Divine Intervention – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]BrockyMoose -The End Is Well NighballsofsteelandfuryUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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[…] a woodland spirit known as a Romonculus!  These little fellows are football’s equivalent of a “ghost in the machine,” […]

Romonobyl

I had a number of reasons for wanting the Cowboys to win the Superb Owl. Besides the obvious fan-based desire, I love the idea of my namesake as well as Nachonia Buttfumblenius getting championship rings. Mostly because the typical response of someone seeing the accolade would be “Oh, they gave YOU one too? How thoughtful!”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A Heisman and a Super Bowl ring. Man, just imagine the kind of tail Sanchez could get at DFW-area high schools with those.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is glorious.

Brocky

I laughed way too hard at this

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Immediate impact: Romnobyl fallout

Down the road: Dakashima Disasters

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

The Dakatomi Plaza

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Dakatomi Plaza. That’s when Dak Prescott’s play calling is taken over by a gang of Ivy League and Texarkana trash, and only his inner, canny goodness can prevail.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

DOINK YOU SAY?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fumblesnapskin is fucking hilarious. Goes perfectly with JJ’s other nemesis, Fumbleforeskin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz

Anything that adds to JJ’s misery is worth my full and complete subservience. What exactly should I be sacrificing to these tiny beings?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Jessica Simpson?

jjfozz

Does silicon explode when exposed to open flame? Cause I’m doing these sacrifices old school.

Tell you what those early dudes in the Bible Times could throw one hell of a bbq. Imagine Andy Reid at a BBQ that featured an entire ox.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You mean Saturdays in Kansas City?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If you insist.

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