As we delve deeper and deeper into the postseason, we’re also going to be delving deeper and deeper into DFO’s mythological pantheon. This week, we’ll be taking a look at one of the most ephemeral creatures to make occasional appearances on the gridiron, the Romonculus.
Species Name: Romo Sapiens
Individual Names: Leon Lettucewin, Fumblesnapskin, others.
From: Thin air, and back again into thin air.
Descended from/Spawned by: Unknown, though legend suggests the trickster god DOINK was involved in their genesis.
Original habitat: Cabo San Lucas
Lifespan: Typically less than one second.
Height: 12 inches
Weight: Just enough to affect the flight of a football, never more.
Position: Provider of Cowboys schadenfreude.
Primary Ability: Pushing balls off course by a slight amount.
Secondary Ability: Ability to possess and control rare types of individuals and guide their actions.
Why are they in the news: Did you notice that Mason Crosby’s kick against the Cowboys two weeks seemed to change direction slightly? That was a Romonculus at work.
Likes: Field goal snaps, long passes, incomprehensible rules defining legal catches.
Dislikes: Cowboys victories.
Preferred Method of Worship: Screaming “WWWWWWAAAAAH-EEEEEY”
What scouts are saying:
- Force multiplier: small actions yield big results.
- Impressive change-of-direction skills.
- Breath of fresh air.
Immediate impact: Sadness for Cowboys fans, mirth and amusement for everyone else.
Down the road: Continued degeneration of Jerry Jones’ sanity (aided by Syphillisis, goddess of sexually transmitted football diseases).