Commentist Beer Barrel: A Moment of Clarity

make it snow
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make it snow

make it snow is an alot of beer. He is also a Broncos fan living in Austin.
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We haven’t talked a lot about imported beers in the Beer Barrel. I know, off the top of my head, that I’ve written about Czechvar and Chimay Grande Reserve and Kulmbacher Eisbock and Fullers ESB, all of which are exceptionally delicious or have exceptionally interesting stories behind them or both. But for the most part, the contents of the Beer Barrel mirror my own consumption habits, which are overwhelmingly slanted toward American beer. There are a couple of reasons for this: First of all, the American beer scene has become so rich and diverse that I rarely need to look outside it to find something new. But second, American beer doesn’t take as long to get to me, so I get it fresher, so in many cases a homegrown pilsner or witbier just tastes better than even the most acclaimed European equivalent. This is, most likely, why I consider Live Oak HefeWeizen the best hefeweizen I’ve ever had, even though German breweries have been perfecting the style for hundreds of years. But there’s something to be said for all that hard-earned expertise, too, which is why today I’m happy to be showcasing the brewer of my second-favorite hefeweizen, and a lot of other excellent beers beside: Bavarian State Brewer Weihenstephan, or Weihenstephaner for short.

If you already know anything about Weihenstephaner, it’s probably that it’s the world’s oldest continuously operating brewery—or at least, records in 1040 A.D. being what they were, it has the strongest known claim to that title. It is also, for my money, the best German brewery, though there’s a case to be made for either Kulmbacher or Schneider. I mentioned the hefeweizen, which is excellent, but it’s not the beer I’ll be reviewing today; that’ll be their brand new limited release, which unlike many of the beers I review here should be available more or less nationwide: Weihenstaphaner Kristallweizenbock.

Germans love their compound nouns, so let’s break that one down. The core part’s the “weizen”; that’s what tells you it’s a beer brewed in substantial part with malted wheat in addition to the usual barley. “Bock” is literally “goat”—this is probably not the first time I’ve pointed that out—but it connotes a strong beer. Put those together and you’ve got weizenbock, a strong wheat beer that’s usually dark (like the most iconic German weizenbock, Schneider Aventinus), but sometimes not (like Weihenstephaner’s own Vitus, a blonde weizenbock). The one thing a weizenbock almost always is is some degree of cloudy, murky, or opaque, but: this is a kristallweizenbock, with the “krystall” portion of the name describing its clarity. The kristallweizen is pretty commonplace in German brewing, a hefeweizen filtered to remove the yeast sediment and make the beer clear. The kristallweizenbock is quite a bit rarer; I’m not sure I’d even heard of one before I spotted Weihenstephaner’s new beer on the shelf.

True to style, Weihenstephaner Kristallweizenbock pours crystal-clear, pale yellow in color, and could easily be mistaken for a pilsner by appearance. The head is tall and dense and fluffy, uneven at the top, and not going away anytime soon, from what I can tell, so I’m just going to start drinking, foam mustache be damned. A complex combination of clove, green apple, and just a bit of banana comes through immediately on both the nose and the tongue. I love what Weihenstephaner has done with the hops in this beer: They’ve used Opal, Saphir, and Smaragd (read: Emerald) for flavor, and Perle for bittering. Their commitment to the pun on “Kristall” alone probably would have been enough to win me over, but the subtly bitter finish and part-floral-part-tropical edge transform what might have been a simple, malty palate-pleaser into a well-balanced wheat ale that’s dangerously easy to keep drinking. More than that, it’s the sort of beer you can drink and feel like you’re almost having a conversation with; it’s like you can discover something new about it with ever sip. It’s the first kristallweizenbock I’ve ever had, and if it weren’t, it’d probably still be the best one.

lady snow says: Creamy. It’s a lot sweeter than I was expecting, just looking at it in the glass. It’s definitely more like what I’d expect a witbier or hefeweizen to taste like. Tastes like it should look cloudy. It’s a fruity beer, but in a different way than you’d get from a hefeweizen; still sort of a banana taste, but not quite the same.

tl;dr: It’s a wheat beer! A strong one! And it looks like a pilsner! And you can taste the hops!

Grade: The label claims this was brewed according to the German Purity Law of 1516, but actually wheat wasn’t allowed under that law until the 1600s. 0/10, you lying liars.

make it snow is an alot of beer and Posadist organizer. He drank three and a half Weihenstephaner Kristallweizenbocks while writing this review, and lady snow drank a half. The American Gods premiere was everything that either of them hoped for.

make it snow
make it snow

make it snow is an alot of beer. He is also a Broncos fan living in Austin.

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[…] and my head giddy. Surprisingly, I felt guilty for only a moment; unsurprisingly, I could go for an obscure German brew and a tres leches right now. Opted for a Coke and ????, ’cause of work and shit. […]

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

I was really excited when I saw this one a couple weeks ago. Vitus is one of my favorite beers, but I was a little disappointed with this one. It wasn’t bad but I definitely prefer the regular weizenbock. The difference between the kristallbock vs a weizenbock was a much sharper contrast then the difference between kristallweisse vs a hefe. To my taste, a kristallweisse tastes very similar to a hefe, just slighty cleaner, sharper flavors. This new one I never would have associated with a weizenbock going by taste alone.

Not sure what changed but Weihenstephaner has gotten way more aggressive the last couple years in offering their beer in six packs. They’re probably my favorite brewer so I’ve been glad to see it. I think I’ve seen almost everything they brew in sixers lately except for Korbinian, and I will be a happy, happy man when that one finally happens.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Totally unrelated, but Balls, they went with a two week suspension for Toby Greene:

http://www.gwsgiants.com.au/news/2017-05-02/greene-wont-challenge

I feel ok about Collingwood, but should I be worried about facing St Kilda without him?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Nah, i think both of those games are winnable without him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello
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LemonJello

“My bad.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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This looks glorious. I went through a long hefeweizen phase a few years back, and though I can’t say they’re my current go-to, I’ll definitely look for this at the local (massive) liquor store.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I go through preference phases like that; it has been IPA and stouts for some time now.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I don’t know too much about foreign beer. I was drinking Carlsberg like it was going out of style in the middle east. I later had it at a bar here in the states and it wasn’t nearly as good as I remember it.

I will say this, I plan on getting utterly destroyed tonight. In the span of three months, I have been written up for swearing in the office and for the life of me, I have no fucking idea what this particular incident was about.

I mean I am seriously working on this. I go to a VA speech therapist to work on my PTSD induced nervous tick that causes me to stutter and curse (usually when I start dropping my words, I start just blurting out shit, cock, damn whatever)

Last week, one of the customers complained. So either a steel mill electrician, a copper mine electrician, or a longshoreman electrician took issue with my speech as “some professionalism would be nice” as a comment on the course review documents.

I seriously do not remember cussing at all but I did have a number of times where my speech got bad with stuttering. But since I have already been bitched at twice for cussing, my manager assumes I was just dropping F-bombs left and right and I cannot convince anyone otherwise.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

I don’t want to like the HR write-up part, but do want to support a fellow vet. My language is borderline terrible around the office, so it’s just a matter of time before I get called in to stand six and centered on someone’s desk for a reprimand…

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Oh! Also, what cuck snowflake works at either a port, copper mine, or steel mill and can’t suffer to hear some harsh language once in a while?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

That is the thing that makes me fucking pissed off. I always start off explaining I got a speech impediment (so feel free to crack jokes) and I tend to swear and I am working on it so if I offend anyone, I apologize.

I swear to god this last training was the first time ever I didn’t fucking swear.

The annoying thing is that the home office already acts like I am some sort of loose cannon. I’m not used to this office shit at all. Its like sitting there in high school all day long where people talk shit behind each others backs all the time.

If it wasn’t for the fact I just bought a house, I would have just told my current boss that I quit right then and there.

blaxabbath
Member

Oh yeah — employers love debt obligations. Want to freak out your manager? Tell him you’re renting out your place for 1.5x your mortgage and staying in a cheap bungalow and that you just paid off your car 100k miles early.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

THIS!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HR can’t do a thing to me since I say “no offense” all the time.

*Not related to the LA Rams.

blaxabbath
Member

I use my PTSD as an excuse for everything and it may not even be a real thing. I guess that’s just the benefit of being around nothing but privileged whites whose knowledge of the military is limited to (1) war is good for their stock portfolios and, (2) everyone who serves is a hero.

Also, swearing is excellent for rapport building. This is science, bitch.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/swear-wearing-honesty-lie-more-honest-facebook-psychology-cambride-university-maastricht-hong-kong-a7512601.html

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I don’t even like bringing it up because I sit in a row of cubicles with one asshole, I have zero fucking idea what he does for the company, who claims every other day he needs a day off for migraines and a woman that is constantly claiming she has Fibromyalgia, hence why she is leaving work all the time, as oppose to recognizing that being 360 lbs and smoking is not the best lifestyle choices.

Fucking everyone here is always bitching about shit so I just try and keep my head down and focus on work.

I’m not even sure if the guy filling out the paperwork was serious or not. They won’t let me see it.

Bloody Lethal
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Bloody Lethal

I hate wheat bear.

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LemonJello
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LemonJello

I detest IPAs, so there.
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Bloody Lethal
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Bloody Lethal

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

But they have such high ABV

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
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LemonJello

“Hey, what are you doing back there with your other hand?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But seriously; I love IPAs and single malt scotch, but can fully understand why people would not like either with a passion. Same with oysters.

Romonobyl
Member

All the pluses on raw oysters. I refuse to pay good money for something I can hack up for free.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, figures you are one of THOSE people.

Romonobyl
Member

Being a Gulf Coast resident, I guess BP ruined most seafood for me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Flammable toxic oysters? What are you complaining about?

King Hippo
Member

wheat beer is gross

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ur mom!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also wheat bear.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also, too, in addition; 80s mom jeans are actually fine on some people (pictured).

Romonobyl
Member

If the waist on those pants was any higher, she’d look like a really cute rendition of my Grandfather.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Which is funny because her mom was super hot in the 80s.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“German Purity Laws? Weren’t those the ones…*aide whispers in ear* Oh, I see. Nevermind.”

Adding this one to my list.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The brewery was going to do a midnight release event, but those PC thugs interfered and said that calling the event Kristallnacht was in bad taste.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

You glorious bastard! Beaten to the punch, again. +1 Night of the Long Knives to you, sir.

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