Latest posts by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (see all)
- Request Line: Do Your Job – August 17, 2018
- DFO Radio: Ain’t No Party Like A Boat Party Because A Boat Party Floats On – August 14, 2018
- The NFL Solves the Anthem “Problem” – August 8, 2018
EXT. RADIO STATION PARKING LOT – DAY
A vehicle pulls into the lot and screeches to a stop. The PRODUCER emerges in a hurry, first dropping his keys and then hustling towards the front door.
INT. RADIO STATION LOBBY – DAY
The PRODUCER races through the front door and streaks across the lobby.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, hey, you’re here, Connor said…
PRODUCER: [ignoring her as he races through] …shit…shit…shit…
INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
CONNOR, THE INTERN: …and we’ll be live in ten…nine…
The PRODUCER bursts in and slides in front of the external microphone, bumping CONNOR out of the seat.
PRODUCER: I’m here I’m here I’m here…
CONNOR, THE INTERN: Okay, great, but…
REQUEST LINE: [goes live]
PRODUCER: Good afternoon, and welcome to another edition of Request Line! With me here to take your requests is our very special guest Eze…um…[looks inside recording booth]…well why don’t I let him introduce himself to you.
NED EHRLICH: Hi. I’m Ned Ehrlich, Esquire. I’m representing Ezekiel Elliott in the matters pertaining his involvement in the NFL’s disciplinary process.
NED EHRLICH: I’ll also be representing him here.
A moment of dead air passes.
PRODUCER: So…I understand he was suspended for six games?
NED EHRLICH: At this time, that’s the sentence Roger Goodell has imposed. We’re in the process of appealing that.
PRODUCER: To Roger Goodell.
NED EHRLICH: [Smiles wryly] Yes, that’s right.
PRODUCER: So what makes you think the result of appeal will be any different that the original finding?
NED EHRLICH: Well, as you know the appeal process can be somewhat arbitrary. But we’re presenting some additional evidence to the NFL that we believe shows some mitigating circumstances to the behavior that my client is alleged to have engaged in.
PRODUCER: Such as…
NED EHRLICH: Such as the fact that my client’s accuser engaged in a plot to blackmail him.
PRODUCER: So you’re saying that what he d…[catches himself]…allegedly did was justified by this?
NED EHRLICH: What I’m saying is that there’s blame on both sides. Let’s face it, we weren’t there. We don’t know who hit who first.
PRODUCER: Yes, but…
NED EHRLICH: Is Ezekiel Elliott not allowed to defend himself if he’s attacked?
PRODUCER: Well, you’re the lawyer. But I’m not sure that it’s a legal issue. It’s moral one. Just because you have a right to do something doesn’t mean it’s acceptable or should be tolerated by either his employer or society in general*.
NED EHRLICH: What, you want him to just run away from trouble?
PRODUCER: I mean, as an NFL running back that’s kind of his job.
NED EHRLICH: Listen, I don’t want this radio interview to be an adversarial process any more than I want the NFL appeals process to be one. Let’s just get to the requests. Hi folks! I’m your host and the theme for today is: adversaries! Give me a shout and let’s hash this all out. I’ll get us started with one that reminds my Corporate Law class back at Duquesne University, and that time in 1989 when I bet big on the Cavaliers. F-you, Jordan!
Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “enemies”. I hope it doesn’t need more explanation than that, but a reminder: this means songs about enemies, not songs by people you personally consider to be an enemy the way I consider Lenny Kravitz to be a mortal enemy of good musical taste and originality in general. In order to post videos so they will show up in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRkkVrlvgkc”. When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your leisure.
*To spell it out, this is a reference to Nazis. They absolutely have a first-amendment right to march and express their opinions in a peaceable fashion. The rest of our society has a similar right (and an obligation, in my opinion) to tell them to go fuck themselves and their hateful ideology in no uncertain terms.