Request Line: Adversaries

EXT. RADIO STATION PARKING LOT – DAY

A vehicle pulls into the lot and screeches to a stop.  The PRODUCER emerges in a hurry, first dropping his keys and then hustling towards the front door.

PRODUCER: Shit…shit…shit…

Cut to…

INT. RADIO STATION LOBBY – DAY

The PRODUCER races through the front door and streaks across the lobby.

RECEPTIONIST: Oh, hey, you’re here, Connor said…

PRODUCER: [ignoring her as he races through] …shit…shit…shit…

Cut to…

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

CONNOR, THE INTERN: …and we’ll be live in ten…nine…

The PRODUCER bursts in and slides in front of the external microphone, bumping CONNOR out of the seat.

PRODUCER: I’m here I’m here I’m here…

CONNOR, THE INTERN: Okay, great, but…

REQUEST LINE: [goes live]

PRODUCER: Good afternoon, and welcome to another edition of Request Line! With me here to take your requests is our very special guest Eze…um…[looks inside recording booth]…well why don’t I let him introduce himself to you.

NED EHRLICH: Hi.  I’m Ned Ehrlich, Esquire.  I’m representing Ezekiel Elliott in the matters pertaining his involvement in the NFL’s disciplinary process.

PRODUCER: So…

NED EHRLICH: I’ll also be representing him here.

PRODUCER: Ah.

A moment of dead air passes.

PRODUCER: So…I understand he was suspended for six games?

NED EHRLICH: At this time, that’s the sentence Roger Goodell has imposed.  We’re in the process of appealing that.

PRODUCER: To Roger Goodell.

NED EHRLICH: [Smiles wryly] Yes, that’s right.

PRODUCER: So what makes you think the result of appeal will be any different that the original finding?

NED EHRLICH: Well, as you know the appeal process can be somewhat arbitrary. But we’re presenting some additional evidence to the NFL that we believe shows some mitigating circumstances to the behavior that my client is alleged to have engaged in.

PRODUCER: Such as…

NED EHRLICH: Such as the fact that my client’s accuser engaged in a plot to blackmail him.

PRODUCER: So you’re saying that what he d…[catches himself]…allegedly did was justified by this?

NED EHRLICH: What I’m saying is that there’s blame on both sides. Let’s face it, we weren’t there. We don’t know who hit who first.

PRODUCER: Yes, but…

NED EHRLICH: Is Ezekiel Elliott not allowed to defend himself if he’s attacked?

PRODUCER: Well, you’re the lawyer. But I’m not sure that it’s a legal issue. It’s moral one. Just because you have a right to do something doesn’t mean it’s acceptable or should be tolerated by either his employer or society in general*.

NED EHRLICH: What, you want him to just run away from trouble?

PRODUCER: I mean, as an NFL running back that’s kind of his job.

NED EHRLICH: Listen, I don’t want this radio interview to be an adversarial process any more than I want the NFL appeals process to be one.  Let’s just get to the requests.  Hi folks! I’m your host and the theme for today is: adversaries! Give me a shout and let’s hash this all out.  I’ll get us started with one that reminds my Corporate Law class back at Duquesne University, and that time in 1989 when I bet big on the Cavaliers. F-you, Jordan!

Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “enemies”.  I hope it doesn’t need more explanation than that, but a reminder: this means songs about enemies, not songs by people you personally consider to be an enemy the way I consider Lenny Kravitz to be a mortal enemy of good musical taste and originality in general.  In order to post videos so they will show up in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRkkVrlvgkc”.  When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your  leisure.

*To spell it out, this is a reference to Nazis.  They absolutely have a first-amendment right to march and express their opinions in a peaceable fashion.  The rest of our society has a similar right (and an obligation, in my opinion) to tell them to go fuck themselves and their hateful ideology in no uncertain terms. 

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I am not a fan of The Decemberists, but this song is fantastic, and whoever put the visuals to it are dedicated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0CR1IJKMPo

laserguru
laserguru
Don T

DOUBLE SHOT
TheClash vs. Jamaica
https://youtube.com/watch?v=u_1ujgS8bIM

Don T

triple
I’d listen to this every day. Several times.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZxQ_8xMa3u8

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

The first version I found of this song on YouTube had the lyrics hardcoded into the video and badly misspelled “Guinness.”

Fun fact: I once stole as many Guinness pint glasses as I could (3) from a bar in San Jose because they committed the same crime on their “Specials” chalkboard. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBIm8O1uIIc

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How about a TRIPLE SHOT of War Pigs?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQUXuQ6Zd9w

JerBear50

Never heard her cover this before. Fucking bad ass.

blaxabbath

I think DJT inspired a young Axl Rose here….

“And that goes for all you punks in the press that want to start shit by printin’ lies instead of the things we said”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tfyLbin9gs

Don T

This.
/hits play
//breaks thru wall Andy Reid style
https://youtube.com/watch?v=mIEvzqHqQEY

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That is quality.

laserguru

Uncle Al had a rather difficult opinion of “W” while he was president and he never held back his animosity, writing three entire albums stating his dislike. Here he’s helped by our old friend Jello Biafra.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXg9X9-AGrU

JerBear50

Jello Biafra? You got your Mojo workin’.

laserguru

Back in the day, our author Mr. RTD took this song before I had a chance to in a previous draft – him knowing my penchant for the band in question. I feel quite content now returning the favor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNA4MDc9U50

JerBear50

Jerry Richardson vehemently disagrees.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

These lyrics could be reworked pretty easily to apply to Bannon’s canning earlier today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx_Se8r0IZQ

SonOfSpam

“Diss track” before there was such a thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqVpk0qxmfA

SonOfSpam

“Cuz I’m a lover and a fighter…bitch.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9A-OwudpYiM

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think this topic is a good enough excuse to post this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVk_e31dnlE

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That Pimp Named Paul knows what he did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRV3x2hcppw

Don T

Dandy Warhols – We Used to Be Friends
https://youtube.com/watch?v=r4iUibbj-7w

JerBear50

How ya doin, old buddy? Just hangin out?
comment image

SonOfSpam

First one who does a Borat impression gets kicked in the head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0iA_rOcn9Y

nomonkeyfun

“My Wife? Take her, please.”

/The real fantasy of those Nazi-KKK pricks when they see a black man. If only they weren’t self hating.

Don T

The White Stripes – Jolene
https://youtube.com/watch?v=0-GUfHKeIvs

SonOfSpam

Shit, that’s gold right there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

DOUBLE IT UP with Cake’s version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smvDGYPzMa0

JerBear50

Still thirsty and sober, let’s make it a triple shot. Or considering my current beverage, a tripel shot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3d8KobWVwk

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

There’s the Ryan Leaf joke I was looking for that should accompany every Sublime song ever.

Don T

Please don’t steal my line.
-Marvin Gay, Sr.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Let’s not rush to judge Ebin. There are many sides here. Sure he’s a Nazi, but he has some primo shit and sells DOUBLE SHOTS at a discount”

–Todd Marinovich

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaLOZ9mIUhs

JerBear50

Always a +1 for GP.

SonOfSpam

I think this guy was hurt by someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWR1h-5EzUo

Don T

Franz Ferdinand – I’m Your Villain
https://youtube.com/watch?v=c_hE_lviwGY

BrettFavresColonoscopy
SonOfSpam

Especially for wearing an apricot scarf. Douche.

SonOfSpam

This band was named after Jerry Sandusky’s biggest complaint to the Penn State head coach.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byEGjLU2egA

nomonkeyfun

NED EHRLICH: What, you want him to just run away from trouble?

PRODUCER: I mean, as an NFL running back that’s kind of his job.

comment image
Even Boehner approves.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Unsurprised

Naturally

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There is definitely an enemy in this song, and it’s the people oppressing him for being with Julio. #woke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6VrKro8djw

Don T

Everclear – Like aCalofornia King
https://youtube.com/watch?v=PA1lWA-MpVA

Don T

“I will break you into pieces, hold you up for all the world to see. YEAH WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YER BETTER THAN ME”
It’s… Enthusing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How about a DOUBLE SHOT of Hans Zimmer?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtpiLZXL9_k

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Seriously, though, fuck Hans Zimmer. The gf and I saw his show a few weeks ago, and it was terrible.

SonOfSpam

Still relevant, probably for a long time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PaoLy7PHwk

SonOfSpam

Thematic genre DOUBLE SHOT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51t1OsPSdBc

SonOfSpam

(How fucking great was NWA? The answer: really fucking great.)

Unsurprised

Indeed. They had the hottest shit in the world.

Don T

American Hi Fi – My Only Enemeeeee
https://youtube.com/watch?v=P51bX0IXUF0

Don T

??? That describes like half the times I’ve been drunk.

SonOfSpam

“An adversary is like a knife in your ch-”

– Elliott Smith

Don T

KNOW YOUR ENEMY DOUBLE SHOT

Green Day
https://youtube.com/watch?v=9IclmVdWNbI

Don T
SonOfSpam

Yes, nazi assholes have the right to assemble. Hopefully close together, so the flamethrower will only require one sweep.

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