Peter King: Good afternoon, folks. I am unavailable for this weeks edition of The Wednesdayer. We have some great NBA playoffs matchups coming that I got a line on tickets to through my NBC connections and, you know, I’ll probably drop in on some hardball games as well. April baseball really tells you which guys are already focused on October and being their best for a full 182. I’ve always said that the season should be extended just to weed out the guys who don’t want to perform for the fans day in and day out. I think it would be an excellent move for the MLB to coordinate this with the NFL and maybe move up Spring Training to the day after the Super Bowl — Super Bowl Sunday, I call it. With the folding of the AAF league, I don’t know if we need to be trying competing professional football leagues in the United States for a while. But that’s a conversation better suited over a couple pints of Dogfish Head 60 Minute, you know?

So I asked Charles to dig into the vault and pull us out a classic episode for you all to enjoy this week. Looks like he picked out, uhhhhh, Season 1, Episode 1. Sounds like a classic! Catch you taters later, on the flip side.

Tyrel Jackson Williams: Good morning folks. My name is Tyrel Jackson Williams and I am here to introduce you to the latest Peter King production, The Wednesdayer. Now, many of you might know me from my portrayal of Charles in IFC’s Brockmire. Well, that’s effectively the role Mr King brought me in to recreate here as he continues to build his global brand.

Peter King: You’re taking too long, Charles!

Williams: Tyrel.

King: It’s a radio name. Like Jimmy and The Animal or The Drive Time Guys. You’re Charles. But look, that’s not the point. The point is that we need to hurry this along. I know I’m celebrated for my ability to write in-depth pieces about the NFL but, on this feature, we’re shooting for succinct and direct answers.

Williams: Why don’t you just take it from here, Peter?

King: Great call. You’re a real Tyronn Lue here. Just get everyone set up and let the star call his shots. So readers, what we are doing with this new production is expanding my brand. Like Curt Schilling getting into video games or Peyton Manning investing in some Budweiser distributors, I can see the demand folks have for my style of research and insight but now want it applied to topics away from the gridiron. Fortunately, my largest passion away from sports is construction. I’m kind of the general manager of my own home and so I’ve put together a nice resume of completed projects. Plus, when I’m traveling in first class so much, I tend to catch a lot of Fixer Upper and that Palm Springs one. They had an episode with Tim Tebow on it actually and I thought it really gave us some insight into what the Mets organization gleaned from Tebow’s years in the NFL and, I think, might give us a look at how MLB general managers are taking a look at cross-sport athletes now in the pursuit of, perhaps, the next Deion Sanders. Neon Deion, as he was known to many, was a —

Williams: Getting off-topic a bit here, Pete.

King: We’ll cover Deion’s pranks with the Cowboys in a later episode, I’m sure, but the point is that I want to share my excellence with those of you at home who may have questions about anything from a leaky faucet to why the US scored a D+ on their 2019 infrastructure report card.

Williams: This isn’t succinct, Peter.

King: I’ll give ya a hint, it’s Congress.

Williams: 30 seconds, Peter. Seriously.

King: Look, I’m closing this up as fast as I can here. Just as Seacrest moved on from American Idol hosting, I too will be growing a bigger legacy in the improvement and HGTV-style house-flipping business. In fact, I got my own company started.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the true Peter King Brand^TM that will live on long after the XFL has run the NFL and the AAF out of business.

Williams: Alright and so we got our first question here. Looks like it’s a bot from twitter who wants to know what the changes to the —

King: So before we go, I just want to mention that I enjoyed a Four Peaks Orange Blossom Ale while in Arizona for Spring Training last month. Now, citrus in beers is often a crap shoot given the various —

Williams: [Mutes King’s microphone] So send in your questions to Peter regarding your projects from anything as simple as a garbage disposal sound to the proper way to permit your stadium expansion project. We’ll see you next time.

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