Oh men. MEN! And women. WOMEN! And people who don’t fit those particular descriptors. PEOPLES!
As you know, alcohol and other less universally-licit substances are a common feature of DFO Lyfe– you can make it through an NFL game stone cold sober, but we wouldn’t recommend it. So we are pleased to bring you a new feature for the cold light of Monday: What We Drank Last Night.
Makeitsnow’s Commentist Beer Barrel columns are legendary, and well worth a long dive in the Holy Archives. But that kind of care, attention and in-depth review takes time.
And you want to get drunk Now.
So WWDLN offers a somewhat more compact and audience-participation-friendly forum to find your Next Brain Blender. The author tells you what they drank last night (or last week, or whenever they come around) and offers 1. a one-line description of the drink and 2. a picture/gif/YouTube Clip for rating. I will be using a Samuel L. Jackson-based rating scale, but feel free to use your own. It’s easy- feel free to play along in the comments.
MONKEY SHOULDER BLENDED MALT SCOTCH WHISKY
A delicious blend of 3 Speyside single-malts with no neutral spirits– plus there are MONKEYS embossed ON THE BOTTLE!
RATING:
WHITE CLAW HARD SELTZER
Description: 5% ABV sparkling water, with a variety of “flavors” that basically are basically a cross between beer and La Croix.
RATING:
FOUNDERS DIRTY BASTARD SCOTCH ALE
Description: I found out afterward that the brewery may be run by racist fuckheads, but their beer was utterly delicious- caramel without being cloyingly sweet. Perfect for the moral compromise we all make by watching football.
RATING:
HENDRICKS GIN
Description: What the fuck, man?!?! If I wanted to drink shit that tasted like Pine-Sol, I’d have just huffed what’s under the sink
RATING:
YOUR TURN!
Salted Caramel Crown Royal, fresh apple cider as a mixer. God. Damn.
Charlie Kelly is intrigued by the idea of huffing stuff under the sink.
Vincman is a fucking NERD.
Started my day with some Pina Coladas, then red wine in the evening then Absolut Citron and Soda. All inclusive for a week and it is a marathon not a sprint!
I always considered it more of a steeplechase. Alberta Premium and Pabst was my accompaniment last night.
In honor of the anniversary of Ron Artest assaulting fan 15 years ago:
She needs to work on her drinking problem. Look at all that booze she wasted.
You mean she’s not lubing up Silicone Valley for later fun-n-games?
You might even fight a ninja or two. Mmmmm mmmmm, bitch.
Gaucho Spur 2018 Malbec.
Heavy cherry notes and the famous black pepper finish Malbecs are known for.
So, how many Hands of God?
I have been meaning to get a fresh whisky bottle going now that it I’m cooling off ..:
i had water with a lemon slice in it. Iz borin
tumbleweed is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more active than I
Fancy. I didn’t even have lemon in mine.
I’ve been meaning to pick up a bottle of Monkey Shoulder, this just may be the push I need to just do it.
Here’s what I had last night:
It was delicious.
Does that come with a Costanza rating?
Excellent! Now, what Gif Rating would you give it? 2 Stephen Millers out of 3?
Seven out of ten oil cans
Quality work