Tales from the Meteor: Andy Reid’s 115th Dream (Part 3)

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

ANDY REID lies unconscious in a hospital bed. He is surrounded by friends and family, including his wife TAMMY REID, the Chiefs’ general manager BRETT VEACH, quarterback PATRICK MAHOMES, and wide receiver TYREEK HILL. 

TAMMY REID: …and so the doctor said that if he’d only eaten five, or even ten pounds worth, his system probably could have handled it without too much trouble.

BRETT VEACH: I mean where does someone even catch such a thing these days? It’s been out of the news for years.

TAMMY: Oh, well, it’s still around, I guess. It would have to be imported, though. [to the players] It was so wonderful of you boys to stop by.

PATRICK MAHOMES: It’s the least we could do, ma’am. And by coincidence, Tyreek was already in the building.

TAMMY: Oh, that’s right. How long does [name redacted] have to wear the cast for?

TYREEK HILL: [under his breath] Until he learns not to touch daddy’s Rolex collection.

TAMMY: What was that, dear?

TYREEK: [more loudly] I said, about three weeks.

— [door flies open] —

MARK DAVIS: HI I’M MARK DAVIS!

TAMMY REID: Oh, hi Mark.

MARK DAVIS: WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY FRIEND ANDY?

BRETT VEACH: He’s sick, Mark. He ate some tainted meat and now he has a virus that’s making him very, very sleepy.

MARK DAVIS: [makes a beeline for the intravenous bag] HEY WHAT’S IN THIS BAG, IS IT JUICE? I BET MY FRIEND ELI WOULD LIKE SOME!

BRETT VEACH deftly steps in front of him to block his path.

BRETT: I’m sorry, Mark. But Andy needs his sleep. He can’t play now.

MARK DAVIS looks glum.

TYREEK HILL: Hey, you know what? They have lollipops over in the pediatric ward, you should go get one.

MARK DAVIS: Mom said I need to stop getting lollipops stuck in my hair.

TYREEK HILL: Oh, I’m sure that won’t happen this time, not with your hair looking so perfect.

PATRICK MAHOMES: [snickers]

ANDY REID: [stirs in his sleep]

BRETT VEACH: [begins shepherding MARK DAVIS to the doorway] Okay, Mark it’s been great to see you, but Andy has got to get some rest.

MARK DAVIS: IS HE GOING TO BE AWAKE IN TIME FOR THE GAME?

TAMMY REID: [shakes her head sadly]

MARK DAVIS: [as he’s being pushed out the door] OKAY ANDY BYE BYE GET WELL SOON!

BRETT VEACH closes the door, but the moment it latches shut…

— [door flies open] —

COP 1: Well if it isn’t MVP quarterback Patrick Mahomes.

PATRICK: [confused] Um…hi?

COP 2: So…you didn’t think we’d find her body until after the big game, eh?

PATRICK: What?

COP 1: You forgot to put the “do not disturb” sign on the door, kiddo. Right now we’ve got a forensic team hard at work at the Miami Hilton, and a very traumatized housekeeper who’s writing out her statment for us downtown. The only thing we don’t have is our prime suspect in custody.

COP 2: [taking out a pair of cuffs] But that’s about to change real quick.

PATRICK: Body? Forensics? I swear to God I don’t have the slightest idea what you two are talking about…

COP 1: [advancing on the subject] Yeah, that’s what they all say…

—

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – DAY.

As MARK DAVIS walks away from the intensive care ward his footsteps seems lighter, less plodding. They begin to take on a measured, purposeful character. A series of voiceovers begins as he moves through the hospital corridors towards the exit. 

DEREK FROM MUNCIE: When I worked in that gravy factory back in Muncie, Indiana…

STEVE SMITH: I heard he didn’t even finish the game. You better ice up, son…

DEREK CARR: GO AWAY!

PETER KING: I just don’t think off-field criminal acts should be considered as part of the Hall of Fame voting process…

MARK DAVIS: HI, I’M MARK DAVIS!

MARK DAVIS takes a small book with the title “Black Belt Sudoku” out of his jacket pocket and opens it to a random page.

ANTONIO BROWN: What are you gonna do about it, cracker?

TAWMMY: THE GREATEST DYNAHSTY IN THE HISTAHRY OF SPOWAHTS! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

SEBASTIAN JANIKOWSKI: [yelling in Polish] Mówię ci że to Mark Davis!

ELI MANNING: An interception is just a pass to a friend you haven’t met yet.

MARK DAVIS stares at the sudozu puzzle for a couple of seconds, and then begins filling out the grid on the page directly from left to right, line by line, without pausing.

HARRY CARAY/WILL FERRELL: Hey! How’s about this? Would you rather get mad cow disease or coach your team to a Super Bowl victory?

OCHOCINCO: I ain’t talkin’ bout no gay boat, I’m talking about Car-Boat!

ANDY REID: I had a cheeseburger and went to bed…

HARRY CARAY/WILL FERRELL: Well I sure hope I don’t get it…

BOLTMAN: THE BLOOD OF THE UNBELIEVERS SHALL RUN RED IN THE STREETS! YOTH SOTTHOTH AGBLADOR! YOTH AGBLADOR AGMEMLAR!

MARK DAVIS: After that…my guess is he’ll never coach again.

MARK DAVIS finishes the puzzle, then takes a baseball cap out of his pocket and dons it.

MARK DAVIS: And like that…[kisses fingers]…he’s off to Las Vegas.