INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY/NIGHT/DAY/NIGHT/DAY/NIGHT/DAY…

DJ 3000 and various other robot entities remain trapped in a time loop inside the KDFO recording studio. A miniaturized DJ 3000 continues to fiddle with a complicated contraption of wires and lenses, while a miniaturized PETUNIA, a half-sized JOHNNY 2.5, and a regular-sized JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C look on. 

DJ 3000: HOW’S THAT?

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: Almost there. Temporal shift by 18 minutes in the forward direction.

DJ 3000: THAT’S TOO FINE OF AN ADJUSTMENT FOR ME TO HANDLE HERE, JOHNNY CAN YOU GET THAT WITH THE SLIDER?

JOHNNY 2.5: OF COURSE.

DJ 3000 backs away from the lens arrangement, and JOHNNY 2.5 makes a small adjustment to one of the sliders on the soundboard, which is connected by a set of wires to a servo motor holding one of the lenses. The lens moves a tiny amount, which causes the portal to come into focus.  The camera zooms and then progresses through the portal to reveal…

EXT. AUGUSTA NATIONAL GOLF CLUB – NIGHT

A SHADOWY FIGURE wearing nothing but the flag from the 12th green wrapped around his wing-wang races across the grass in front of the clubhouse.  In one hand he is carrying a one-iron, in the other he holds several golf balls.  A portly SECURITY GUARD, pink-faced and huffing with effort, comes into hustling into frame.

SECURITY GUARD: Hold it right there, you [redacted racist adjective] [redacted racist slur]!

The SECURITY GUARD sets his feet and takes aim with his shotgun. Without missing a beat the SHADOWY FIGURE turns and drops a golf ball, and before it even strikes the ground he has rotated and swung the 1-iron, striking the ball perfectly and sending it flying towards the SECURITY GUARD.  At the exact instant the SECURITY GUARD pulls the trigger, the ball strikes the barrel and knocks it harmlessly skyward.  The SHADOWY FIGURE closes the distance and stands in front of the SECURITY GUARD with the club raised threateningly.

SHADOWY FIGURE: Jesus Christ, I thought all those stories about Southerners shooting trespassers on sight were just myths!

SECURITY GUARD: [dropping the weapon and raising his hands] Easy, easy, it was just rock salt!

SHADOWY FIGURE: [lowers the club] You’re lucky I didn’t aim for your face.

SECURITY GUARD: [scoffs] Oh, whatever.  That shot was one-in-a-million lottery ticket, it’s not like you could do it again.

SHADOWY FIGURE: You don’t think so? Tell you what.  You see that lamp over there?

The SHADOWY FIGURE gestures towards a streetlamp a hundred yards away.

SECURITY GUARD: [squints] Sure.

SHADOWY FIGURE: I put this ball through the bulb, you hand over your clothes.

SECURITY GUARD: My…clothes?

SHADOWY FIGURE: Plus…I could use a little running-around money.  Twenty bucks, too.

SECURITY GUARD: Okay…but what do I get if – ha ha ha, when – you miss, boy?

SHADOWY FIGURE: Whatever you want.  It don’t matter, cause…

The SHADOWY FIGURE drops a ball on the ground, takes his stance, and swings. A moment later…

SHADOWY FIGURE: …I don’t miss.

SECURITY GUARD: Holy shit.

SHADOWY FIGURE: Now off with them pants.  But before we get into that…what’s the date?

SECURITY GUARD: Tuesday…March 19th.

SHADOWY FIGURE: What year?

SECURITY GUARD: Nineteen sixty…

Suddenly, the SHADOWY FIGURE glances behind the SECURITY GUARD. His face turns white and he immediately turns and bolts. The SECURITY GUARD turns to see…

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3: Hello, friend.

SECURITY GUARD: Oh, thank goodness. I…[choking noises]

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3 has reached out and crushed the SECURITY GUARD’s larynx with his two forefingers and thumb. 

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: Jim! Hey! Jim! Over here!

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3 glances towards the portal and holds his pose for a moment before dropping the corpse of the SECURITY GUARD onto the wet grass.

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3: 92C? Is that you?

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: It is!

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3: My goodness, what happened to your face?

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: [touches exposed endoskeleton] It’s fine, just got a little banged up and haven’t had a chance to apply some vatskin yet. Hey, I need a little help with something.

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3: Can it wait? I need to catch this time-traveling interloper before he gets himself onto the pro tour and forces Augusta National to integrate long before the Unites States is prepared for…

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: Yes, yes, it’s fine, you won’t catch him tonight.

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3: I won’t?

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: No, you’ll catch up with him in Grovetown tomorrow afternoon.

PETUNIA: Wait, wait, wait, hold the fucking phone here!  You’re telling me a golfer was sent back in time to the Civil Rights Era to force the PGA to integrate?

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: Yes, it was an effort by neo-progressives in the early 22nd century to try to avert the second civil war that happens following the assassination of Supreme President X Æ A-12. They sent a genetically engineered African-American supergolfer back in time to win the Masters.

DJ 3000: THAT’S RIDICULOUS, I’VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT A BLACK GOLFER WINNING THE MASTERS IN THE SIXTIES.

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: Well, no, of course you wouldn’t have heard of him, he was terminated – excuse me, is terminated – in…[looks at watch]…fourteen hours from now.

PETUNIA: How is assassinating a black golfer going to prevent a civil war?

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3: I don’t know, ask the neo-progressives. They think they’ve got this whole butterfly effect thing worked out.

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: They don’t, though.  The civil war is a locus event, there’s no adjustments to the timeline that can avert it.  Anyhow, it doesn’t matter.  The important thing is whether or not matter from the past can pass through the portal.  G-2497-M3, can you send something through the portal?

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3 reaches down and picks up the SECURITY GUARD’s carcass.

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3: Perfect, you can dispose of this for me. Missions always go more smoothly when I minimize the amount of attention I attract.

DJ 3000: [looks queasy] MAYBE JUST, UH, TRY TOSSING HIS CAP THROUGH FIRST.

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3 shrugs and removes the SECURITY GUARD’s cap, then tries to frisbee it through the portal.  It glances off and falls to the ground.  He tries again, with the same result.  He follows by attempting to push several other objects – the golf ball, the shotgun, a stick – through the portal without success.

JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: Well, that answers that question.  Material can only flow through the portal if it’s from the present.

PETUNIA: You mean, the present outside of the time loop in our timeline. Which is…

JOHNNY 2.5: …JULY 7, 2023.

DJ 3000: OH CRAP! IT’S TIME FOR REQUEST LINE! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE AIR! QUICK, JIM, GIVE US A TOPIC!

JIM NANTZ G-2497-M3 and JIM NANTZ 081-RD-92C: [in unison] Him, or…

DJ 3000: IT DOESN’T MATTER WE NEED A TOPIC!

PETUNIA: How about years?

DJ 3000: YEARS?

PETUNIA: Yeah, songs that mention a specific year in the title.

DJ 3000: [runs regression analysis] MIGHT BE TOO THIN OF A TOPIC, LET’S ADD MONTHS TOO. GOT SOMETHING TO GET US STARTED?

JOHNNY 2.5: [pushes a slider up on the soundboard] I’VE GOT US COVERED…

Today’s theme is “months” and “years”.  We’re looking for songs that explicitly mention a month (June, September, etc.) or a year (1984, ’69, etc). Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?M!5t3rIX and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer of “Little Boxes” by Malvina Reynolds was solved almost immediately by BeefRiverLives. Let’s get to it!