Request Line: Guardians and Gladiators

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

Guest producer HUNTER RENFROW is seated in front of the soundboard, looking glum.  DJ 3000 looks on with an appearance of concern as HUNTER listlessly toys with a few figurines.

DJ 3000: HEY BUDDY, WHAT’S WRONG? STILL FEELING DOWN ABOUT RENFROCO?

HUNTER RENFROW: Huh? Oh, no.  We’re in the middle of training camp and I was thinking about how so many of the guys I used to play Guardians and Gladiators with are no longer around.

[he pushes a figure forward.] Johnathan Abram…

HUNTER RENFROW: …Derek Car…

HUNTER RENFROW: …Coach Whisenhunt…

DJ 3000: YEAH, THAT’S A BUMMER.  KOLTON MILLER IS STILL AROUND THOUGH, ISN’T HE?

HUNTER RENFROW: Yeah, but he’s too busy bulking up for the season.  He doesn’t have time to play G&G right now.

DJ 3000: WELL HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS? WHY DON’T *I* PLAY WITH YOU? I CAN SIMULATE ANY KIND OF DIE THAT WE NEED!  I’VE EVEN GOT MY OWN FIGURINE!

A panel on DJ 3000 opens up and a small tray extends, revealing…

HUNTER RENFROW: Um…huh.  I’m not entirely sure how I’ll be able to work a Centurion from Battlestar Galactica into the milieu, but…the bigger problem is that I never figured out how the gameplay actually works.

DJ 3000: OH.

HUNTER RENFROW: Yeah, it turns out inventing a tabletop game is hard.  But part of the fun was just getting together with the guys and trying to work it out.

DJ 3000: THAT IS A SHAME.  IF IT HELPS, I TOO KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE SEPARATED FROM FAMILIAR FACES AND SURROUNDED BY WHOLE NEW ONES.

HUNTER RENFROW: Oh, because you’re an alternate timeline version of the real DJ 3000?

The camera zooms out from DJ 3000, then zooms back in on him again.

DJ 3000: WAIT, WHAT? YOU KNEW?

HUNTER RENFROW: The missing buttons – and changes to the switches – were a dead giveaway.  You think I didn’t dine out on those “Spot the Differences” placemats once a week when I was a kid? But we’ll talk about that in a minute, we’ve got some tunes to play.  I thought this week we’d do songs about the kind of stuff you’d find in Guardians and Gladiators.

DJ 3000: So…songs about dungeons and dragons?

HUNTER RENFROW: Yeah.  And goblins and orcs and dwarves and stuff like that.  Anything you’d find in the Monster Manual or the Fiend Folio.  Why don’t you get us started with a little song about beasts and dragons?

Today’s theme is “Guardians and Gladiators”.  We’re looking for any song that references the concepts of Dungeons & Dragons.  Songs about dragons, battle axes, paladins, elves, etc. are all fair game.  We’ve done “magic” before though so while songs about sorcery aren’t explicitly off-limits maybe try to limit your selections in that realm to ones that fit the D&D motif.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?PuNtL3g0l4s and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer of “Ruby Soho” by Rancid was solved by NOBODY because it was too fiendishly difficult.  Adventure awaits!