Hey.

Let’s just skip the pleasantries and get right to it? Is that acceptable to you?

Freezer Vodka League Week 13

What in the name of the Elder Gods is going on in this league? There are six teams sitting at 9-4 that have qualified for playoffs: Sofa Loren, We Are Spamily, AJ Hawk Tua Tagovailoa, Lowratio’s Couch Fetish, JD’s Chesterfield Dreams and Stoma Fuckers Utd are deadlocked atop the rankings this week. This is still anyone’s championship up for grabs, people!

In the Jeff Fisher Zone, Musical War Propheteers (7-6) have clinched a playoff spot and Dead Hobos (6-7) are temporarily holding on to the last playoff spot but are essentially (and appropriately given their name) in Limbo. Dead Hobos could make playoffs, miss playoffs but be safe from relegation, or could still be relegated. That’s because of the next group, playing Russian Roulette with two chambers loaded with relegation. Heinous Fuckery, Original Recipe White Claws, Big Bag of Suck, and Free Thursday Night Points are all at 5-8 and in real danger of joining Unnatural Gas (3-10) and The Schlitzstains (1-12) being sent down to Lowratio League next season while at the same time one could overtake Dead Hobos for the last playoff spot.

Here are the matchups for the last regular season week:

Lowratio League Week 13

In sole possession of the top spot we have Duke’s Chicago Waffles at 11-2. Additionally, they are the first team to clinch a playoff spot! Congratulations! Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks control their own destiny in second place at 10-3. At 9-4 and holding the last two playoff spots this week are Rod Rust never sleeps and Bearsenschiesse Barons. Who wants those coveted promotions to Freezer Vodka League? Close behind them and still fighting for a playoff invite we have Shiba is for the People! and War and Peace with 8-5 records. But don’t count out the next two teams at 7-6; Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses and Caso do vinho FC are not eliminated from the playoffs yet, and could find themselves in the post season.  Now we’ve reached the “playing for pride” part of the standings. Ambiguous Aaron Rodgers and Heather’ Horrible Hikes, at 5-8, look to finish solidly in the Jeff Fisher Zone this season. Gimli’s Groin Grabbers finds themselves a little short of their pre-season goals as they sit at 4-9. That still puts them above Sebastian’s Swag Team and The Brick Experience, both at 3-10. Last and least, we have A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge with a 2-11 record. Better luck next season?

**Point of Parliamentary Procedure Regarding Promotion/Relegation**

The bottom 4 of the regular season in TWBS (Freezer Vodka) go down. No playoffs can save you.

Semifinalists in the playoffs go up in Ligue Deux (Lowratio League). Playoffs can save you.

Until Next Time!