Good morning everyone.

Hope everyone is well. 

Been gearing up for March Madness and Saint Patrick’s Day, myself. Which means it’s time for me to actually start paying attention to college basketball. I’ve seen a few games here and there but my focus on basketball has just not been there this year. Pros especially. I’ll switch a game on and find that I last a good 5 minutes before I’m reaching for the remote.

Lots of talk about the sport not having the same allure as it formerly did and just as many jackass opinions why.

The fierce interior game has been faded out and there are no longer any must see blood rivals out there. 

I get it. Players are too busy building their brands to play real roundball roughhouse and the sports world is worse off for it.

Shame really. 

But I digress.

Today we will be making Risotto ai Funghi or risotto with mushrooms for the Italian language challenged.

Risotto is sometimes called the “Death Dish” due to folks attempting to make this on cooking challenge shows like “Chopped” then fucking it up terribly only to have their asses then shown the door.

I love risotto with its creamy texture and adding in the funk from the mushrooms and the Parmigiano Reggiano (or like in todays case some Grana Padano) just fucking BRINGS IT! Plus you get that silky texture which is the exact polar opposite of sticky rice and it’s a rich, delicious and incredibly satisfying dish to serve with whatever-the-fuck.

Shit man, make a big pot of it and serve it in a goddamn bowl with a big fucking spoon. It stands just fine on its own. Or do what I did and serve it with a big slab of animal flesh cooked to your preferred doneness.

Your call.

One thing to keep in mind, and most of you probably know this already, this dish can be a proper pain in the fucking ass to make because of the amount of attention this needy little fucking prick of a dish requires to do properly. Some folks just flat out refuse to make this shit.

That’s not how we roll here on Sunday Gravy motherfuckers!

Bring that goddamn challenge and I’ll get the righteous fuck after it!

I ain’t scared of failure. I fail all the fucking time! It builds fucking character!

Ready for this shit?

Here we go!

recipe sort of inspired by Allrecipes.com

Risotto Ai Funghi!

1 ounce mushrooms – dried and reconstituted porcinis are lovely but I used a blend of gourmet mushrooms cuz my ass is fancy! [And I used up the last of my dried porcinis during football season.]

1 (32 ounce) carton chicken or vegetable stock

1 tablespoon olive oil

3 cloves garlic – minced

1 teaspoon dried rosemary 

Salt and ground black pepper to taste

1 cup white wine, divided

¼ cup butter, divided

1 shallot, chopped

1 1/2 cups Arborio rice

⅓ cup grated Grana Padano cheese

We begin.

They key to a good risotto is rice.

We used arborio because we want a short grain rice that can absorb a lot of moisture. 

Here, I’ll let Kathleen Flinn give you the details:

“Traditionally, risotto is made with Arborio rice, a high-starch short-grain Italian rice. There are a number of other Italian risotto rice options, including Balda, Carnaroli and Vialone Nano.”

Thank you, Kathleen.

Oh! And cheese! Cheese is important too.

We used Grana Padano today because it’s more traditionally used IN a dish while parmigiano reggiano is grated on top of a dish.

Plus I felt like fucking around with a new cheese for this one.

We will also be using some chicken stock instead of water for richness, texture and little bit of extra flavor.

For the “ai funghi” part these will be our ingredients today.

Another key ingredient is a quality white wine. [Hummus optional as a snack while you prepare]

We start by mincing the shallot.

Get a decent chop on the mushrooms.

This dish requires two pots for preparation. We want to use one of the pots for heating the stock. Keep the stock on a constant low simmer while preparing the risotto. You don’t want to slow the cooking process by adding in cold stock.

In the other pan we will heat 2 tablespoons of the butter.

Then we will saute the chopped mushrooms in the butter for about 5 minutes.

Add in a splash of the wine, the rosemary and the garlic next.

Cook until the wine is absorbed then set the mushroom mix aside.

Using the same pan, add the olive oil and return the heat to medium.

In goes the minced shallot.

Let this go for about 3 minutes then add in the rice to get it nice and fucking toasty.

Important note!

Do NOT rinse the rice! We need all of that starch to reach the desired creamy texture of the finished risotto.

Toast the rice for another 3 minutes to get it golden and lovely smelling. Then add in the remaining wine and cook until the wine is fully soaked into the rice.

This will take another..

Fuckin-A, man.

Three minutes.

During this early part of the prep be sure to grate the cheese.

Let’s get to know our new cheese friend a little bit more shall we.

To the wikis!

“Grana Padano is a cheese originating in the Po Valley, in northern Italy. It is similar to Parmesan but with less strict regulations governing its production. This hard, crumbly-textured cheese is made with unpasteurized cows’ milk that is semi-skimmed. To preserve the authenticity of the manufacturing processes and raw materials used to make this cheese, Grana Padano was registered as a denominazione di origine controllata (DOC) in 1955, and as a European Union protected designation of origin (PDO) in 1996.”

Thank you, Wiki.

You did notice that I’ve added “fromager” to my bio, right? Shit yeah, now I’m fully fucking obligated to drop the cheesey knowledge on your unsuspecting asses.

This fucker is a right beauty of a cheese and well worthy of your introspection and curiosity.

Since we’ve paused in the preparation proceedings, there is another point of knowledge that you will need to know before preparing this dish.

See this shit?

Yes. Get fucking used to it.

In fact if you’re doing risotto as a side and maybe a slab of grilled flesh or something as the main course you may want to get somebody else to handle that part.

Now that I’ve scared you all away from attempting this dish let’s continue.

Grab a ladle and add the hot chicken stock to the rice.

My ladle will hold about a cup so this step will be repeated about 4 times.

Guess what your ass is gonna do?

C’mon. Guess?

Goddamn right you are! You WILL stir until the stock has been absorbed into the rice.

Next?

Second verse, same as the first.

Ladle.

Then get your ass a’stirrin!

See? It’s starting to get a little fluffier! I think.

Finally add the last of the stock.

As grueling as this shit looks, it only takes about 18-20 minutes. It will seem like fucking forever when you’re stirring but it’s only 18 to 20 minutes.

You can do that can’t you!?

Finally when the risotto is cooked and just slightly al dente, add in the mushroom mixture, the last of the butter and the cheese.

Stir thoroughly to combine.

Allow to rest for 3-5 minutes. Take this time to ice your elbow, take some ibuprofin for the tendonitis and set your ass down to rest. A glass of that wine may come in handy here.

Let’s take a small scoop and sample the risotto.

Give it a taste.

Sweet sonny Jesus is that fucking tasty. Super funky, rich cheesy and creamy with just a touch of nuttiness since it’s still a bit al dente.

Awesomeness.

Fuck it let somebody else plate up for the full meal, my ass is resting over here.

Yes, that pork chop was brined overnight then roasted in the oven. Those peas work great here too.

This. Is. Outstanding.

I will make this motherfucker again in a heartbeat. In fact, I’m sitting here typing these words and thinking of something to serve along with it. I bet a goddamn steak would be amazing with risotto. Or baked chicken. Yeah, now we’re fucking talking over here.

The funk from the cheese and the mushrooms added to that creaminess of the rice is perfection.

You need this. You want this.

What you are really sitting there thinking is “I need to find a place that makes this shit because that looks amazing but my ass isn’t working THAT hard for it.”

You can do this.

I believe in you.

Today’s holidays, courtesy of A Bit of Good News are: “March 9: National American Paddlefish Day, National Barbie Day, National Dishwasher Day, National Heroes and Benefactors Day and National Meatball Day.”

Dammit! I should look these up ahead of time because some fucking meatballs sounds delicious!

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday folks and do stop by next week. I’ve got something crazy easy and stupid delicious. You would be crazy stupid to miss it!

Be well folks.

Until next time.