OK. The cuts have been made, the biggest free agents have been signed, the majority of blockbuster trades have been made (and rescinded).

The next 5 weeks are going to be utterly fucking brutal for the demographic that tends to haunt this site, i.e. smart enough to realize mock drafts, pro days and “X team is leaning toward” rumors are the emptiest of empty NFL calories, and dumb enough to read them all anyway.

Mock Draft Season sucks in even the best of years. This…is not the best of years. This is 2013 Level Bad, when the Number 1 Pick debate raged between Eric Fisher vs. Luke Joekel, the first “skill” player drafted was Tavon Austin (8) and the first quarterback wasn’t picked until midround (and was EJ Manuel).

Still, the Content Monster must be fed. Site views must be generated, panel discussion shows must fill airtime, and Pat McAfee needs something for his mouth to do while his braincell is busy counting money.

So get ready for the following Burning Questions Not Involving Urination:

1. Which of the 3-5 wide receivers with Madden Autogenerated Names and potential first-round grades will go first? Denzel Boston, who my brain insists must be David Boston’s son? Carnell Tate, the unholy offspring of Carnell “Cadillac” Williams and Golden Tate? Perhaps Jordyn Tyson, who I would have guessed was the TikTok Influencer great-grandaughter of the Tyson Foods founder?
2. Which of the 34 nearly identical Gigantic Edge Rushers will the Jets draft, and what pick will they trade him for in three years?
3. Who the hell decided to invite Ty Simpson to the Green Room?
4. Who will talk themselves into Diego-Pavia-is-the-new-Jaxson-Dart, and why is it the Jets?
5. Who will the Raiders take with the 14th…oh, wait.
6. Which writer will be the first to say “fuck it” and turn in an LLM mock draft, and how long will it take before a reader spots that Reuben Bain (Terror of the Deli) was drafted by the Titans, the Buckaniers and the Marlins?