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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Doing this post while drafting in the Lowratio League. I figure I’m maybe quarter assing each. Can’t wait for at least one of my guys to be injured before the opening week.
Been moving oldest between apartments and between cities. It’s taken 3 days. Day one was former city to my house, then unload the truck as we didn’t get back in time to get it done on day 2. Day 3 was then the final leg from my house to the new apartment. To quote a old movie and an old guy, “I’m too old for this shit.” I get that she’s going to school and that there’s not really money for pro’s and between cities makes movers even more expensive so it means that dad is sore and been going to bed early the last few days. It’ hurts to type, so done now
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Jed York’s wife filed for divorce a few months before he solicited prostitution OFFERING UP TO $160.
She looks like the young girl who marries Jed York on his potential, sees it has far maxed out 15 years later, and now you’re a hot thing and, thus, the victim here so you’re getting out of here.
Jed — always the rugged individualist — responds by traveling across the country to inquire about the hookers who ‘….will always call them the Indians…’
blaxabbath
He’s decided to challenge Elon for the title of World’s Most Divorced Man. This is a good start, let’s see if he can keep the momentum going!
Doktor Zymm
“…and the 49ers move on, after the innovative playcalling of interim Offensive Coordinator Crystel Star.”
Redshirt
Beating the Seahawk , new odd name but 160 im game
Gatoraids
Dolly Parton has passed. A heavy weight has been lifted from her chest.
NotShogunButShogun
And placed on ours. Dolly was awesome.
So many other worthy candidates, Death. Get your shit together.
Horatio Cornblower
Where’s the claw machine meme when you need it?
Sharkbait
😢
Redshirt
I assume the owner’s meeting will consist of 7 hours making fun of Jed York before they give him the number of the discreet and discrete ‘dating’ service Mark Davis gets his tonight girlfriends from
Doktor Zymm
No no, Mark Davis has settled down. His new EVERY DAY girlfriend is a 38 year-old woman named Dr. Alexandria Lightning.
I swear on the grave of Virginia McCaskey that I am not making this up.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I guess drafting all those kickers so high all those years has finally allowed Davis to…
/whips off sunglasses
outkick his coverage.
Horatio Cornblower
Jed York emergency landline
Don T
Dammit, part of my preview of the Dallas Cowboys was going to be something along the lines of “say what you will about Ol’ Double J, that man wouldn’t be caught dead in a trailer park with $160 and a yearning for a whore.”
Thanks Rev. Thanks a lot.
Horatio Cornblower
Sorry mate. It’s just almost impossible to do an NFL sex story without Jerral popping up.
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Somebody just called Shitler” The Cunt of Mostly Crisco” and I peed a little!
Gumbygirl
Redshirt
Trailer Park Tug Jobs is now my main FF team name. Thanks Jed!
Sharkbait
Pure poetry (especially the drawings, can’t get enough of Kewpie’s BOMB era), as usual. I want the Saints to win this division at 7-8-2.
King Hippo
Thank you sir.
Just for you a Pickle Bomb!
DJ TAJ
By the metrics that D is to be taken seriously.
scotchnaut
/not Deanna F.
King Hippo
So I really hope that the coaching staff was pushed into starting deshaun watson and they do everything to get him hurt. Like bounty on your own player, here’s $10k to miss a block, let’s run a trick play where he’s a receiver, why not put our starting qb in on special teams and wow that’s a fucked up tush push
Doktor Zymm
On the topic of martinis, this butt hawt summer has been good for something. I’m looking at a best ever olive crop this year.
2Pack
My word, is that Zoe Kravitz leading it off with a huge home run?
I think a follow up with her soul meltingly gorgeous mom Lisa Bonet is only right and fair.
I watched a lot of A Different World as a youngster just hoping she’d come back.
BC Dick
she told me 2 tell u she thinks u cute 2
King Hippo
That’s not what her lawyer told me
BC Dick
…no one gets my references, and the answer when I ask people “have you ever seen” or “have you read” is usually “no”.
This is a general consequence of the fragmenting of popular culture. I think it’s tougher for our generation to adjust to because when we were young, we all watched the same movies and heard the same songs on the radio and watched the same shows. And of course that’s no longer true with younger generations – it’s normal for them and it’s what they’re used to, but it’s affected our own generation now too, so that the connections we had with people we knew have thinned and potential connections with people we meet become that much harder to make, because the common ground we used to have (i.e. all having seen Top Gun and Ghostbusters multiple times) doesn’t exist anymore. We might have a TV show we’ve watched in common, but the odds are just so much lower than they used to be and it takes a lot more work to find out. And there will never be a Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones ever again, I don’t think.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Let’s Do This!*
*go to hospital to get IV antibiotics
/its been a week
scotchnaut
“Yes, they come blemishes and all.”
Grok gives you crazy answers when you ask about the Tuskegee Experiment
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Just made a couple of quiche(s) for dinner. One your standard Lorraine, the other a mutant sausage & peppers egg pie with a shredded 70/30 mozzarella/cheddar blend, a tube of breakfast seasoned turkey sausage, and bell peppers from my mother-in-law’s garden. Now to watch ManU finish peeling the crust off these sandwiches while listening to the expanded edition of Ween’s “12 Golden County Greats”. It’s exactly what you’d expect, a lot of very unserious stuff and suddenly they pull a cover like this out of the bag and you realize you’ve been had:
Fronkenshteen
Went to a UConn Men’s soccer game tonight. Ranked #24 to start the season theydroppes 3 straight before thrashing a not-very-good Western Michigan team 4-1.
I don’t want to be too “back in my day” here, but back in my day the games were free, crowds were rowdy as hell, you could sneak booze in, and those of us who sat in the north end stands, (about which the best that could be said was that they never actually collapsed), would absolutely rip on other teams.
These days the north end bleachers have been torn down for a football practice facility, it’s $12-$14 to get in, they spent 10 minutes at half time teaching new students the “approved” cheers, they’ll sell you shitty drink at an approximately 2,000% mark-up, and the crowds are deader than Rush Limbaugh.
Who, to be clear, is very, very dead.
Screw AI; if we don’t teach college kids to be absolutely vicious and demeaning to people opposed to you, and to do it while half-cocked and standing on bleacher of extremely questionable reliability, then our future as a race is doomed.
Horatio Cornblower
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
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