Commitment to Mediocrity: Your 2024 Las Vegas Raiders Season Preview

It’s 2024.  The days of the Raiders being perennial laughingstocks are pretty much behind us.  Since their move to Las Vegas in 2020, they have gone 8-8, 10-7, 6-11, and 8-9 for a combined total of 32-35.  Considering that includes over a year of Josh McDaniels’ running the show, that’s not all that bad!  Unfortunately, the franchise seems like they’re going to be mired in “not all that bad” territory for quite some time.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch many games last season.  Or at least, I don’t remember watching that many games last season.  And unlike previous Raiders seasons, it wasn’t because I was blackout drunk.  It’s because they were of little interest to me.  You’d think that the whipsaw of having them lose 0-3 the day before my birthday followed by a 63-21 obliteration of the Chargers four days later would stand out a little more in my mind, but it actually took a visit to the Wikipedia page for last season to jog my memory.  Anyhow, here are the Raiders’ highlights from that belated birthday game:

Will we see anything like that this season? It’d be nice, but I’m not going to get my hopes up.  Here’s what’s up with the Raiders going into the 2024 season.

HEAD COACH: Antonio Pierce.  Three years ago, the Raiders fired Jon Gruden for, among other things, referring to some sex trafficked [redacteds] cheerleaders as “ripe [redacteds]”.  Rich Bisaccia took over and led the team on an improbably 4-0 run to make the playoffs at 10-7.  HI I’M MARK DAVIS declined to let Bisaccia hang around, however, jettisoning him in favor of The Smartest Coach on Earth.

After McDaniels crashed and burned (as anyone with half a brain predicted) the Raiders once again fired a coach midseason.  Given the opportunity to correct his previous mistake with Bisaccia, Mark chose to retain the popular interim coach Pierce and give him a chance at a full season.  Can Pierce deliver? Let’s look at what he’s working with.

QUARTERBACK: Gardner Minshew or Aidan O’Connell.  As of press time it appears that Gardner Minshew will be the starting quarterback.  If he gets injured (possible) or sucks (more possible), we’ll see Large Farva again.  Neither one of them is particularly good, but both believe in themselves, which I suppose is pretty critical.

RUNNING BACKS: Josh Jacobs absconded to free agency, so…I don’t know, some guys. Nobody you’d touch in fantasy other than as a desperation pull off the waiver wire; enough said.

RECEIVERS: Davante Adams and Jakobi Myers are pretty good.  The Raiders spent the 13th overall pick on tight end Brock Bowers, who is supposedly also quite good.

DEFENSE: Everyone has heard of My Friend Maxx, but unlike previous years where opposing offenses could avoid a lone star on the Raiders defense, Maxx was surrounded by a really strong supporting cast that might be even stronger.  I am not used to the Raiders defense leading the league in anything other than penalties, so I have no idea how to talk about them in a positive manner.  So I won’t even try.

VERDICT: I don’t think the Raiders are going to be particularly bad, but playing a second-place schedule as an 8-9 team is not encouraging.  But the upside is that they’re matched up against the NFC South this year, which figures to be one the worst divisions in the NFL.  I’d be content if they managed not to embarrass themselves this year and left that to the perennial champs like the Jets and the Browns.  Fingers crossed for 7-10 and third place in the AFC West, and anything better would be gravy.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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blaxabbath

Had a three hour BOARD MEETING* this morning. Looked east but didn’t see you brah. Where you been?

*surfing

LemonJello

Good evening. Do you have a minute?

Oh, stop screaming and asking how I got in here. Relax.

What’s for dinner? It smells divine.

Anyway.

I just wanted to remind those lucky few that joined Lowratio League that our draft is just an hour away. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Can I get a plate to go? No? Alright, fine.

SonOfSpam

Good luck to all FFL Junior Achievers in the Lowratio League!

Game Time Decision

I feel like I’m an honourary member of this league
/will be a full member next year

BeefReeferLives

Every time I see Jakobi Myers mentioned, the lyric “Got more suits than Jacoby & Meyers” runs through my head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq6XUbHi1Ls

& on that note, please give generously to The BeefReeferLives’s Home for the Terminally Galaxy Brained, folks. Every dime counts.

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96YDwkaCbnI

More me, this is Perna’s magnum opus.

WCS

I love how even other AFC West fans collectively and rightfully dump all over the Spanoi.

litre_cola

Highlight of the Raiders season was seeing DonT’s vibe after returning from the Raiders Gints game with Blax.

SonOfSpam

It’s hard to pinpoint, but I would describe the vibe as “drunk happy drunk guy who’s drunk”

King Hippo

God, I love the illustrations you make for the TMR! series. So, so good. Peak DFO, truly.

And the 2024 Raiduhs are the most 8-9 side in the short history of the 17-game season NFL. That’ll get you 2nd place, easy. Donks and Spanoi/Clips are gonna be absolutely wretched.