Every Franchise Must Field a Team: Your 2026 Indianapolis Colts Team Preview

So, a few years ago I threw in to write the Indianapolis Colts preview. Not sure the why or when. And I’ve definitely missed a few seasons. The team is just so boring. I even visited the town a few years back (work trip; was brief and I saw their big military monument circle and ate at their shrimp cocktail steakhouse) to get some idea of what made that team interesting. Still nothing.

Being in Arizona, it’s to be appreciated that I have no love for my local team or the Greater Shield Offerings nationwide. Let it burn. And I mean it. I tune in to see exactly one thing: a player die on the field. Naturally, the reasons Indy was interesting is because their then-owner, Jim Irsay, was a character. There was a time when big rich idiots were kind of a sideshow, not the proud norm, and so ‘goofiness’ was an oft-applied excuse for the… I mean, probably… abusers behavior on multiple fronts.

But that was then and this is now. With Jim long dead and the girls in charge, The Shoe is just another floundering mid-tier franchise. Deciding on waiting for the transmission to explode or, maybe if they’re lucky, some kind event that totals out the roster (plane crash over the Atlantic the night after playoff elimination?). On the field, the idea of Anthony Richardson doing things was fun for a minute but now it’s 2026 and he has all of 17 NFL games under his belt and the franchise is all-in on injury machine Daniel Jones at QB1. So it’s 2026 and, after lobbying for longer seasons for a decade, the Colts are moving ahead with one option. I’m not saying it won’t work. I’m just saying it won’t work for long. Because it never does.

Also, I maintain that the uniforms are boring. They’re one of the oldest/storied/iconic franchises in the league and their two main rivals are the youngest franchises (TEN/JAX) who still wear video game create-a-uniforms as if that has been a proven success.

Their fatso fans who are going to pay on public bonds to build a mega-complex for the Chicago Bears are boring. Being bad in the AFC South is boring. I mean, the Colts can win ten or twelve games but you already know there’s nothing to respect about this franchise. For all the fantasy production I’ve ridden out of his ass, it feels like Time for Jonathon Taylor will go soon. Or maybe not — but we know how it is with the RB workhorses.

A little about me: I thought picking up the Colts would be interesting. They’re not supposed to be the worst franchise. But then they go and draft Anthony Richardson and that’s like Jets-level bad. But then they fall into Daniel Jones, who leads them to an 8-2 start — before finally going down hurt and they finish at 8-10.

So you get the squandering, middle-of-the-pack 10-loss finish. But you get it through these outstandingly high highs (that is, having Jonathon Taylor and lucking into Daniel Jones) balanced with the low lows of your QB room being Anthony Richardson so Phillip Rivers is coming out of retirement to try to heave your franchise to a wild card appearance/decimation.

So what’s 2026 gonna look like for the Colts? Who cares? I don’t mean that to be all shitty or whatever. I mean, you have limited resources in your day and, in particular, on Sundays. There’s no reason for the Colts to be eating up your time or attention. I imagine they’ll be annoying for your favorite team to play because people will play down to them or offensive guru and head coach Shayne Steichen will create a couple flukey touchdowns and new-addition, CB Sauce Gardner, freaks out and takes two to the house some week. So you won’t want that to happen to you. But on the whole, why you want to look at their generic-ass stadium and weak-ass uniform scheme. What’s the purpose of the chase for a wild card berth that, statistically, results in a loss?

But there’s a lot to be said for the entire offensive staff and QB to be entering their second season together after a pretty good start getting derailed by injuries in 2025. They have the 5th easiest schedule — even if the 2026 edition of the AFC South isn’t living up to its Absolute Jokefest branding we like to insist. Strong odors suggest the NFC South may be just going through the motions while data centers replace their fans’ neighborhoods over the next 12 months.

On a high note, however, The 3rd Annual Mike Epps Community Festival is returning with an appearance by heavyweight champion, Mike Tyson.

So that’s it. That’s the Colts 2026 preview. Enjoy your gambling.