The scene: The large, if largely unused, dining room in the castle of Death. It’s large because, duh, it’s in a castle. It’s been largely unused since, until very recently the castle has been the domain of a trio of vampires, and a dining room isn’t on their list of necessities. At the moment Darkest Timeline Zach Morris has called an impromptu meeting of the DFO, since most of the members are at the castle anyway. DTZM is seated at the head of the table, while next to him, popping gum and generally being irritating, is Rosa, the last of the vampiric trio.

Rosa (popping her gum): Like, is this gonna take long?

Covalent Blonde: Why? You got a hot date?

Rosa (sticking her tongue out): Maybe. But, like, I just want to call a few contractors, okay? Like, you guys have made a real mess out of this place.

DTZM: Sorry about that. Fighting off zombie hordes and mobs of clowns gets kind of messy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: I’ll say! I’m still picking confetti out of my hair, man!

DTZM (banging his fist on the table): OK, everyone! Let’s settle down here.

WCS enters the room, escorting in Ballsofsteelandfury and Marc Trestmans Windowless Van. Ballsofsteelandfury is holding a handheld vacuum.

WCS: Hey, boss! I found our last stragglers.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I wasn’t, like, straggling, man. Like, I’m not into that auto-erotic stuff.

Otto’s Brain (rolling down the long table): I am!

DTZM: Shut up, Otto. Balls, why do you have a hand vac?

Ballsofsteelandfury (sitting down): I was vacuuming up Yolanda.

Covalent Blonde: Oh, for…

DTZM: Who?

Covalent Blonde: One of the vampire bitches that was running this place. She went poof when the sun hit her.

Rosa: Grody! But, like, it couldn’t happen to a nicer vampire, y’know?

Ballsofsteelandfury: I thought maybe there might be a way to…I dunno…reanimate her or something.

OSZ: That’s what we need at the clubhouse…our very own bloodsucker.

Beerguyrob: Well, we are down a lawyer.

Moosemas Gorilla: OOK!

WCS: Too soon, man.

DTZM: That brings up a good point, though. We’re missing a few members after our recent adventure here. And Sill’s in a lab somewhere and Redshirt is…hey, whatever happened to Redshirt, anyway?

Cut to: Redshirt’s apartment. It’s a real mess. Empty cookie boxes, beer bottles and soda cans litter the floor. Sitting on Redshirt’s couch, wearing boxers and a number nine Dallas Cowboys jersey, is Tony Romo. He has a two-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper in one hand, the TV remote in the other, and a scattering of barbecue potato chips on his chest.

Redshirt (walking into the room): Good lord, really? I asked you to clean this place up yesterday.

Tony Romo (eating chips off of his chest): Mm-mmph.

Redshirt: Uh-huh. Look, CBS called again. Are you taking that job or not?

Tony Romo (shrugging noncommittally): Mmph.

Redshirt (going out the front door): I swear, the next time an out-of-work quarterback asks to crash on my couch…

Tony Romo clicks the remote, channel-surfing until he gets to The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem’s Super-Funtime Hour. With a big smile on his face he settles back into the couch and turns up the volume.

Cut to: The Castle of Death again.

OSZ: The point is, we are down a few members. With Horatio gone and Fozz blown up…

Doktor Zymm (fiddling with her cell phone): Fozz ist nicht kaput.

WCS: Um…he kind of went boom, Dok. I mean, not to be a pessimist, but it’s hard to come back from exploding.

Doktor Zymm (looking up with a satisfaction as her cell phone starts beeping): Nein. He did not get blown up. Und Horatio is alive as vell.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Let me guess…their neural transmitters?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Their what now?

Doktor Zymm: Never mind. Und ja, I have modified my phone to lock onto zere zignals.

DTZM: Well, that’s great! Then we can just go pick them up?

Doktor Zymm: It ist not quite zo zimple…

OSZ: It never is.

Señor Weaselo (glaring at Rosa): Excuse me, but I just want to ask…where is Hombre Lobo Rob?

Rosa: Like, he bailed, okay? He mentioned the “M” word and I threw him out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Methamphetamines?

Yeah Right: Minnesota?

Rosa (disgusted): Mable. She’s some old girlfriend of his. I think he was gonna go look for her.

Future Moose (to OSZ): And I think we know where he’s going. You coming along?

OSZ: Last time we did this I had to save Marc from marrying the wrong guy and almost got eaten by a giant shark. In other words, hell yeah! Count me in.

Señor Weaselo: La Araña Discoteca and I will accompany you as well. We will have a reckoning with El Hombre Lobo. A reckoning borne of…

DTZM: Yeah, great. You do that. WCS, go with them.

WCS: Me? Why me?

DTZM: Because they’re obviously going to get themselves in another outlandish situation, and I’d like someone responsible along to keep them out of the slammer.

WCS (offended): What? Since when am I the responsible one?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Since, like, always, man.

A murmur of agreement goes around the table.

Rosa (popping her gum): Yeah. I mean, I don’t even know you, but I’d, like, totally trust you with my kids. If I had any. Which I don’t. Because gag me with a spoon!

WCS (grumbling): Whatever.

OSZ (leaving with Future Moose, WCS and the luchadores): We have a designated driver!

Otto’s Brain (rolling off of the table after them): Hey! Wait for me!

Doktor Zymm gets up as well, putting her cell phone in her pocket.

Doktor Zymm: I should be going as vell. I vant to track down Fozz und Horatio before ze zignals are lost.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Cool, man! We can, like, take my new van!

Covalent Blonde: When did you find a new van?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I, like, found it down in the garage, man. It’s, like, got seats and everything!

Covalent Blonde: Sounds good to me.

Moosemas Gorilla: Ook! Ook-ook!

Ballsofsteelandfury: I think he wants to go, too.

Lord Revisisle: Does this mean we can borrow your RV, Doktor?

Doktor Zymm: Vell, I zuppoze zat would be al-

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (getting up and running out the door): Road trip! Woo-hoo!

Beerguyrob: We were thinking about taking a side-trip to Cancun. Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on your RV.

The sound of the RV’s engine starting rumbles through the castle.

King Hippo (picking up Brocky, still tied to the chair): Cripes! Rikki’s leavin’ without us!

Brocky: Stop him!

Doktor Zymm: Ach! I vanted to disarm ze weapons zystem first!

Lord Revisisle (rushing for the door): Rikki! Don’t touch any of the shiny buttons…!

Most of the DFOers, prospects and hangers-on rush out the door, leaving Rosa alone in the dining room with Marc Trestmans Windowless Van.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: So, like, you’re a vampire? Like, I thought I was, too, but then I found out I just had insomnia.

Rosa (giggling and playing with her gum): You’re complicated!

To be continued…