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The Rikki-Tikki-Deadly Memorial “Duchess is Better at This” Weekly Awards

October 6, 2015

Sorry, I was pretty distracted during the games this week. My ex-girlfriend came over and we played around with dry ice. That is not as sexy as it sounds. Here are a few awards anyways.

The Richie Incognito Award for Outstanding Achievement in Batsmanship: Seattle Seahawks linebacker K.J. Wright, who illegally batted Calvin Johnson’s fumble out of the back of the end zone and totally got away with it.

The Lance Easley Memorial “I’m Just Going to Go Ahead and Misinterpret the Rules and Award Seattle a Win Here” Award: Back judge Gregory Wilson, who watched Seattle linebacker K.J. Wright illegally bat Calvin Johnson’s fumble out of the back zone and totally let him get away with it.

The Mark Chmura Memorial “These Illegal Touching Rules Really Confuse Me” Award: Tom McCarthy and Adam Archuleta. I didn’t actually hear their reaction to this play, but this happens about once a month during football season and the announcer reaction is as regular as clockwork. A player (for Indianapolis, in this case) makes a nice play to prevent a punt from rolling into the end zone and resulting in a touchback by batting it forward. A player for the opposing team (Jacksonville) then (alertly) attempts to grab the ball and advance it. He fumbles (or gets tackled for a loss, or whatever) and the announcers lose their minds screaming about “that’s such a boneheaded play, he should know better, that’s a live ball!” Then of course the officials award possession to the return team and spot the ball where it was first touched by the kicking team, because that’s the rule (once the kicking team has touched it, there are no possible negative consequences for a return player who attempts to advance the ball) and has been for years, and the idiot announcers proceed to mumble quietly and furrow their brows in a vain attempt to understand this not very confusing situation that happens pretty frequently.

Scott Norwood Memorial “Wide Right” Award: Jacksonville kicker Jason Myers, who missed a 53-yard potential game-winning field goal with six seconds left in the Jaguars loss to the Colts. Honorable Mention 1: Jason Myers (second attempt at that 53-yarder). Honorable Mention 2: Jason Myers (who also missed a 48-yard attempt in overtime, but this time wide left). Dishonorable Mention: Bears kicker Robbie Gould, you fucking asshole, Jason Myers missed THREE and you can’t even miss ONE? Dickhead.

Lastly, well done by John DiFool with this week’s tagline.

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nomonkeyfun

October 6, 2015 7:07 pm

Each time I look at that picture of Norwood, I can’t help remembering the NFC championship game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZtlCtDsrdU
This video has every thing you could want from a Bill Parcells coached team. Monster hits, lots of field goals; and even, “no offense to the Orientals, Jap plays.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HczcZf0TIFY
I watched that press conference live. Holy shit was that the funniest/most bizzare thing I’ve ever seen. That blows “Playoffs” and “They who we thought they were” out of the water.
HOLY SHIT was that a game. For a 15-13 score one of the most exciting games I’ve ever seen, even if the team I had been rooting for lost. I was sitting with my Dad, as soon as the words “no offense to the Orientals” came out of his mouth, he and I, regardless of how stoned we were, maybe because of how stoned we were, nearly fell out of our seats.

Bit I digress slightly. That 1980’s Giants front 7 destroyed more QB’s than I can count.

I apologize for the music in this video, but, Mother of God. Look at the QBs eyes in these videos. They must have thought, hell I don’t know what they thought and I’ve had a couple of pretty good concussions.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4Q_vzk9Lbo

The Lions QB at 1:10, Motherfucker. I’ve been drunk, very, very drunk before in my life. I don’t know if I’ve been that woozy on my feet.
I know, at least one of the men playing that game committed CTE induced suicide, but holy shit the hits they put on each other back then.

I really think that 1980’s Giants defense was one of the 5 best in history for an extended period. LT, Leonard Marshall, Carl Banks, et al. The ’85 Bears might have been better, for that year, but my God, look at this video.

I apologize for the length of the comment, and excessive youtube videos, and most especially, the music and unnecessary voice overs.

Finally, I am going to say the second most offensive thing possible on this site, LET’S GOT METS.