Aaron Rodgers Receives a Call

AARON RODGERS: [phone rings] Oh, hey David.

DEREK CARR: Goddamnit, Aaron, that’s not funny anymore.

AARON RODGERS: [chuckles] How’s it going, kiddo?

DEREK CARR: Eh, I’ve seen happier days. You guys looked really great against the Vikings. Shoulder feeling better?

RODGERS: Much better, thanks. I wish I could say the same thing about the Raiders. Your offense had been looking so good this season; what on earth happened to you guys out there?

CARR: Well, that’s kind of why I called. I noticed you had a hard time with the Lions too.

RODGERS: Ha, I’m sure Musgrave showed you all the film a hundred times last week.

CARR: He did. And here’s the thing – I noticed that the Lions really seemed to do a great job of anticipating which plays you were running.

RODGERS: Yeah, they seemed to have the right defense dialed up just about single snap.

CARR: It was the exact same way for us. You didn’t find that a bit…suspicious?

RODGERS: I mean, I guess, but…

CARR: I don’t want to go all Pete Carroll here, and I know Mike McCarthy isn’t exactly Gary Kasparov when it comes to designing an offense, but…Detroit’s defense had you guys all figured out. And it was the same exact way with us!  I’ve watched the film, their defense has been terrible all season. UNTIL they fired those coaches.

RODGERS: Yeah, but those were offensive coaches. I don’t see how it relates to the defense.

CARR: It’s just…hinky, you know? I don’t know. Maybe this is just sour grapes, and maybe I’m just shooting in the dark here, but…something is different with Detroit’s defensive strategies. And it doesn’t feel right.

—

Meanwhile, in Philadelphia…

CHIP KELLY: [clicks through slide show] Okay, Mark, in this one you’re going to see the Lions play a cover one with a single high safety. We’ll be running a double cross, and Riley Cooper will be running as fast as he can away from Quandre Diggs – he’s one of THOSE types, you know – and he should come open…at…[pauses, looks around]…did you hear something?

MARK SANCHEZ: [surreptitiously removes earbuds, which have been playing mariachi music] Sorry, coach, no.

KELLY: Sounded like…breathing. Ah, never mind. I’m just getting distracted by all these flashing lights. I don’t know why the hell the custodial staff put the Christmas decorations up so early. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet!

SANCHEZ: Yeah, these mannequins take up an awful lot of space in here.

KELLY: I know it’s the holiday spirit and all, but…they’re kind of creepy.

SANCHEZ: The way that they just stare back at you with those dead eyes…

KELLY: Yeah. [shakes head to clear his thoughts] Anyhow, back to the game plan…Detroit is NEVER going to see this one coming…