My apologies for the late posting, but it happened again last night. [Ed. Note: REDACTED ON ADVICE OF COUNSEL] Sigh. In retrospect, I’m not proud of it, but I’ll be damned if I fail to mention when drunkenness turns out to be an asset. tWBS would’ve been proud of me
/pours second morning coffee
Anyway, Hippo’s off this morning. Pretend Man City had an easement snag on a new stadium and Football Manager’s zoning AI is a real taskmaster, I hear. Good luck with the pretend civil planning board, Mr. Gilkey.
All times Central
EPL
Man City (1st) v Leeds United (9th) – 6:30
City’s magic number is 10 points (Source: proprietary junk science). I root for Leeds because Marcelo Bielsa. He is known as El Loco and I read that the first time he was a coach in Argentina, ultras went to his house to riot after a poor showing. Bielsa came out to meet the fans and defused the situation by talking while holding a grenade.
Marcelo couldn’t be more lovable in my eyes.
Liverpool (7th) v Aston Villa (10th) – 9:00
I got to see Liverpool’s Shempiens match against Real Madrid this week, an entertaining game due to the LIV’s cheese cloth defense. Virgil Van Dijk is putting together an MVP case as strong as Peyton Manning that year when he missed the whole season and the Clots tanked for Luck.
Crystal Palace (13th) v Chelsea (5th) – 11:30
Chelski is still riding high under Thomas Tuchel. He’s been less rigoUrous with shaving of late, but I’m glad to say he still looks like a perfect nerd.
Palace is still coached by human Gerald Scarfe caricature Roy Hodgson.
I don’t trust that guy.
Tomorrow Notables:
NOW BURNLEY FREE
Hammers (4th) v. Lester (3rd) – 8
The Ham of the West’s dream season marches on. Lester can go fly a kite.
Spurs (6th) v Man U (2nd) – 10:30
The Edinson Cavani Man U Experiment has been a flop. He wants to play for Boca Juniors in Argentina next season, which is like changing a Rolls for a Toyota. Not that it needs mentioning, but England ain’t for everybody.
Knifey (27th) v Arse (11th) – 13:00
I’d rather watch “Friends”, the extra-whiny Ross episodes.
And finally, today is El Clásico:
Real Madrid (3rd) v Barcelona (2nd) – 2 PM
Spain’s Old Firm is on this afternoon. The top three teams in La Liga are separated by only three points, with leader Atlético Madrid relieved from European and domestic cup competition. I’m rooting for blood in this one. Now that Klopp is a joke, this one’s far Teh Hippo
Golf is boring enough, and now they are making it even worse by delaying for storms and eliminating the prospect of seeing someone on the course get hit by lightning and lit up like a Christmas tree? What the fuck, Augusta?
I’m relieved to know you survived the Battle of the Bamboo. It is a vicious, deadly predator!
Oh, I actually haven’t started yet. I put it off until tomorrow.
When they put the mixed-density minefields in the rough as an added hazard, then I’ll start watching.
I don’t know why they don’t have competitions on the DMZ golf course
See, if one of those fat honky fucks would get electricuted every tournament, I would start watching.
I first misread that as fat horny fucks getting electrocuted.
ALmost threw out the full bottle of vodka instead of the empty one from
yesterdaylast weeklast month. Let this be a lesson to you all.Herodotus450, dramatic re-creation:
This is a Men In Black Suits tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wRHBLwpASw&ab_channel=RHINO
This is a Devil song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwtyn-L-2gQ&ab_channel=ABKCOVEVO
Revanchist, you weren’t kidding: the US passing is shit.
But how are they at defending democracy?
I’ve never seen them play this bad.
Sweden looks good, though. There were some great stacked give-and-goes from them on the wing to set up a bunch of looks in the middle. Too bad they played like John Holmes, who could famously not finish.
This is Captain Canuck trying to tell somebody, anybody, that he’s trapped in the body of Henry Winkler.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO_sP6ioQYU&ab_channel=ChiefScheider
I haven’t been here in a while but I saw this and laughed and thought you sickos might like it too:
Come back more often!
And you’d see gems like this, too:
https://twitter.com/tokyomtvraps/status/1380491629128155144?s=19
This was one I saw last night.
Checking out some microbreweries’ web sites, and it always cracks me up that they ask “are you 21 years of age?” (I’m sure it’s some dumb regulatory requirement, not something they do voluntarily.) Yes, that’ll baffle all of the underage drinkers who are seeking out the latest double IPA or whatever…
Me, age 19, trying to get on the Piels Light web-site. ‘Well, I’m not 21, guess I have to click the ‘no’ button and go to bed”
Foiled by that airtight security!
It’s right up there with women on dating sites whose profiles say “No games, no cheaters!” Because I bet a lot of guys see that and say “oh, better swipe left and find me a woman who likes cheaters”
This is a Wolfman tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJVsUMKftMo&ab_channel=LosLobos
That’s not a Wolfman song. THIS is a Wolfman song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_JPqeZyRNY
“There’s a lot of ladies have gotten clap FROM the Wolfman, if you know what I’m saying!” — Wolfman Jack
THAT SWEDISH ATTEMPT I CALL IT POLTAVA, BECAUSE THEY REALLY BLEW A DECISIVE ADVANTAGE!
/Crosses ‘work Russo-Swedish War jokes into DFO’ off of bucket list
This is a Black Dog tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOu0Ht0-D4M&ab_channel=ArloParksVEVO
This is THE Black Dog tune:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBuub4Xe1mw
This is Galaxie 500’s music.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kenouP2cgAI
This is my gardening music:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zGTpw_9o65w
Built to Spill is also working well for yard work.
Domingo German is getting hit so hard today you’d think he was dating himself.
This is a New Jersey Devils tune
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_asNhzXq72w&ab_channel=GamingSoundFX
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJtiepwpKFw
This international friendly is not the best game for the US Women’s team. The passing has been as bad as the men’s team.
Oh, are they only up 3-0 this time?
Down 0-1
Why yes. Yes, I do believe I’ll take a walk along the harbor this morning. It’s delightful outside.
65 and sunny at that
This is a Wailing Banshee song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqpWuCMn2Uw&ab_channel=FerakaTito
This is a Bogeyman song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ee3C2m3OXE&ab_channel=gottawatchthis66
This is a Troll song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrjStSqu_w4&ab_channel=top401977
This is a Pixies song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3oCS85HvpY&ab_channel=i%27mcyborgbutthat%27sok
Why choose just one?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD21GW0lMrU
How were the mushrooms Scotchy?
Top Quality!
All the blurred vision and intrusive thoughts you could possibly imagine! And More!*
*would recommend
This is a Zombie song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzpPy9hJYA8&ab_channel=andrew91118
Counterpoint:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ejga4kJUts
This is a Ghost song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T87u5yuUVi8&ab_channel=PsychedelicFursVEVO
she don’t faaaaaaaaade
This is a Werewolf song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qae25976UgA&ab_channel=RHINO
better:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1-xRk6llh4
Phenomenal song.
This is a Frankenstein song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIldF-pGUCU&ab_channel=djbuddyloveclassicrr
This is a Godzilla song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muUZjovOFRg&ab_channel=TohoMojo
This is a King Kong Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9R8WVUvNSg0&ab_channel=CurtCarlson
This is a troglodite song
https://youtu.be/4qHX493bB3U
So I am dropping off Decilitre at Tumbling, there is a microbrewery right behind. You are supposed to stay in your car in case needed. But……. I mean i am still close right???
Pick up a growler and inspect the parking lot
My only issue is that you might be too big to fit into a microbrewery. Are there any macrobrewerys nearby?
/microbrewerys are really tiny, right?
Am indeed at Wild Rose Brewery. Only patio is open due to the Rona. Its 3 C in the sun though
You should drink more, it staves off the frostbite. Science!
Ordered fresh bagels delivered this morning. Now calculating how long I should wait before eating my third one of the day.
How did your garlic chicken turn out?
I asked myself that this morning too as I was prepping our dinner for tonight.
Really good. That’s been my lunch the last two days. I have one meal’s worth left. It reheats really well, so no problems with making a big batch of it. I’ve been adding some vegetables to it (kale one day, dandelion greens the next) to make full use of the garlicy sauce.
Will definitely make this again.
I…i must know more…
Oh, it was just James Beard’s 40 clove chicken. Made it earlier this week. I’d been meaning to try it for years. I think I stumbled across your post in the Sunday Gravy archives a few weeks ago, so it was in my head when I bought some chicken legs at the market last weekend.
That’s what I was hoping! It is really delicious and simple and a great use of chicken legs. It wouldn’t be the same with any other cut.
Venturing outside of DFO and “offending” “people” with my “jokes” makes the $12 membership fee all the more worth it.
Watching the GWS-Collingwood replay from last night/this morning (NO SPOILERS!) and even after watching AFL for years now, I still get confused occasionally and think a Collingwood player is a ref.
At this point I’m just happy when Essendon keeps things close.
/watching The Masters
“Heh, heh. Phil Mickelson’s Man Tits was a funny commenter.”
I know we don’t like the Redshite here, but that was a hell of a sequence leading to the go ahead goal, and a good lesson to people like Ross Barkley who dance around looking for the perfect shot instead of striking when there’s a perfectly good opportunity.
Heretic
Your Lockdown nickname is how you’re feeling right now and the last thing you ate*
Call me “Lazy Chicken Wing” from now on.
*stolen/borrowed
Groggy Banana.
‘Sweaty Banana’ seems very unfortunate, but rules are rules.
Hungover Fries
Stupid Energy Bar
Fuzzy headed cashew.
High cheese bun?
Slightly irritated dark chocolate peanut butter cup, about to be high dark chocolate peanut butter cup.
Universal Yums has informed me that something is on the way. What country is up next?
My guess: Snacks of the Horn of Africa
“Look at me. I AM THE SNACK CAPTAIN NOW.”
Looking forward to Tucker Carlson’s next segment on how internal forces (read: “Jews”) are trying to replace American snacks with more obedient foreign ones.
I get so confused sometimes. I thought that immigrants were supposed to be stubbornly refusing to assimilate to American culture and customs, and now Tucker’s telling me that they’re all obedient and compliant.
African Horns you say?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz2jXHKa7TY&ab_channel=HenrideSaussure
No idea always a surprise. . Now that the site is backish I can begin writing again.
If memory serves, we received ours on the same day last time.
/wife loves the idea of it despite the fact she’s a picky snacker
My name is Rikki, and I am a slave.
Today I am going to war against the bamboo. My weapon is an electric chainsaw. I have no boom stick, nor will I need one.
Greetings, gentlemen. I see that Marvelous Nakamba (Rhodesia’s second favourite son) has made it into Villa’s starting eleven. I truly hope that he does something worthy of his name and his country in the match today.
How goes the dark continent Cecil?
I always enjoy a visit from our favorite racist colonial despot.
(pokes NHL General managers with stick)
C’mon, do something tradey.
[trades Belleville Bulls’ Jonathan Aspirot to the Kings for a 2022 6th round draft pick. “You’re welcome.”
-Senators GM Pierre Dorion
If you are intermittent fasting, do THC gummies count before you go to the grocery store? Asking for me.
judges you in Karen Carpenter
No. They do not count. But you will be paying extra for unneeded snacks that you bought on a whim.
Cherry turnovers and cheese buns were the result.
faints in Karen Carpenter
/Drools in Mama Cass
Papa Cass with the nods during cunnilingus
HOLY CATS LEEDS ARE BACK IN FRONT???
I MADE IT IN! I MADE IT IN! FINALLY!
/[looks around] “Now what?”
Bielsa’s lot held out for longer than I thought humanly possible. What an interesting start to the morning.