David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 8: Hooked On Phonics? Fork Your Tongue!

The Maestro -
9

Good morning. You sure have had a lot of visits with me this past while. Is the NFL covering your co-pay or something? At any rate, time to look at your chart... you're saying that you've been at a loss for words since football season ended? I suppose, in some

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 7: Is Fecal-Based Birth Control Right for You?

The Maestro -
17

Good morning. I've heard claims of lots of happy Rams fans out there this week, but curiously, I haven't seen any yet thus far. Seems odd to me - in years past, I couldn't tell you how many women I've had to turn away from my doors this week due

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 6: The Healing Power of Death

The Maestro -
11

Good morning. We're four days from the Super Bowl! We're also five days away from my favorite day on the calendar: the day the bodies start piling up in my office again. The, uh, alive ones, that is. Yes. Alive. Let's go with that. I don't deal with the dead

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 5: Malaria and Syphilis – No Longer a Sophie’s Choice!

The Maestro -
11

Good morning. You're back again? Talk about bad luck. What is it this time? A burning sensation, you say? Front side, or back? Oh, yeah. I had that one too. I think a certain Chargers cornerback from a while ago had it a few times as well - though due to

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 4: Cestoda and You – Man’s Real Best Friend!

The Maestro -
11

Good morning, patient. Please forgive me if I'm a bit unfocused today... I'm rather hungover. Yes, I know the Divisional Round was four days ago. I see your charts are saying you're complaining of nausea and headaches... are you a Bills fan, by any chance? I see. Yes, I'd be sick

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 3: Breakfast Cereal and the Anti-Onanism Lifestyle

The Maestro -
14

Good morning. Dr. Chao is in. Thank you for your visit. I've just looked over your charts here, and I see that the reason for your visit is... hmm... "Abrasions due to tightly tying a bandana around your wing-wang following a dramatic playoff win." As your physician, I'm going to

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 2: How Yoga Is Rotting Your Brain

The Maestro -
27

Good morning! Thank you for stopping by for your weekly checkup with me. I trust you've paid up front already? Good. I've got a lot of work to do to finish eating this bottle of Vicodin today, so why don't you grab a few for yourself and sit down with

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 1: How to Become Immortal Through Using Mercury

The Maestro -
15

Hi, everybody! I’m Dr. David J. Chao. You may know me from Twitter as ProFootballDoc, where I give insight on potential player injuries as I watch game action in real time. You may also potentially know me for my scandal-filled years as the team doctor for the San Diego Chargers,