Tailgate Time! Week 2 and I’m Losing Faith

Greetings all. Week 2 of the NFL has begun and it’s already panic time for half of the franchises. Falling behind 0-2 isn’t a death sentence but it takes until week 4 minimum if you want to just get back to .500. While I’m not panicking yet, I did lose some confidence and a lot of faith after a complete humiliation last Monday night. I’ve decided to put last week behind me and move on to week 2. I think I’ve already ranted about last week enough.

Today’s recipes are definitely something you can transport to a tailgate party if you so desire. We’re going to make some Peruvian grilled chicken and a batch o’ beans. The beans can be made a day ahead and put into an insulated container for transport or reheated in a warming device of some sort. The chicken can be carried in the gallon bags it is marinating in and can be tossed on the coals at the get together. I will be using some tortillas as accompaniment. You can grab a tortilla, slather a swipe or two of beans on it and tear up some grilled chicken bits, maybe a little lime and some salsa or pico and you are ready to make a disgusting pig of yourself. Again. I can’t take you anywhere.

I’ve been doing the Peruvian chicken for a couple of years. We have this mini chain of Peruvian restaurants out here in L.A. called El Pollo Inka. Their chicken is crazy good and they make this dish called Lomo Saltado, which is sliced beef in an onion/tomato sauce served over french fries. Jesus fuck is it delightful. The chicken recipe came about by some internet searching and some trial and error. I add a little more garlic than the original recipe which I’m sure will just surprise the piss out of absolutely nobody. I also add a little more cumin than the original recipe called for. When I started doing the research on the original recipe I was a little taken aback because it calls for soy sauce. I thought, why the fuck is there soy sauce in a Peruvian recipe? I learned some shit about this. It turns out that Peru has over a million residents who have an Asian heritage. There are Chinese, Japanese, Macanese, Filipino heritages and more. This adds a lot of influences on the local food and culture. Some of this can be traced back to the mid 1800’s and the slave trade and later immigrants who arrived to join their families. Lima Peru has a large Chinatown complete with restaurants, heritage festivals and a lively nightlife scene. It sounds like a lot of fun actually.

Grilled Peruvian Chicken:

1 whole chicken cut into quarters or a few pounds of boneless/skinless breasts or thighs

1/3 cup soy sauce, you can use low sodium but I don’t think the chicken is too salty. Your results may vary.

  • Juice of one freshly squeezed lime
  • 5 garlic cloves
  • 3 teaspoons ground cumin
  • 1 teaspoon paprika
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil

Blend soy sauce, lime juice, garlic, cumin, paprika, oregano, 1/2 teaspoon pepper and oil in a blender.

Put chicken in a, wait for it… 1 gallon ziptop freezer bag and add marinade. Seal bag and marinate, chilled, 8 to 24 hours.

Next day start up your charcoal fire (are you listening Horatio?) and grill until done. You can serve with some lime wedges or if I’m ever able to duplicate the wondrous green sauce that El Pollo Inka uses I would choose that instead but that’s still a work in progress. As I mentioned I’ll have some tortillas, some beans and a little of my old faithful, chili tepin.

Batch-O-beans:

16 oz bag of pinto beans carefully sorted. Really people, sort your fucking beans. I usually find at least one small rock per bag and you don’t want to chomp on that shit.

1 onion minced

3-4-5 whatever cloves of minced garlic.

1/4 teaspoon cumin

1/4 teaspoon of chili powder

salt and pepper to taste.

Grease from 4-5 slices of fried bacon.

A couple of dried pods of chile de arbol if you got ’em. You know, for a little kick.

chile de arbol

 

  • After sorting through your beans, rinse off with water and put in a pot with about 6-8 cups of water bring to a simmer. Add in the onion, garlic, cumin, chili powder, chile de arbol, some salt and pepper and cook these little bastards for about 2 1/2 – 3 hours on a low simmer until beans are tender. Stir every 15 minutes or so and add a little water if necessary. About 30 minutes before the beans are done, get you a damn skillet and fry up some bacon. Shit howdy! Do you know what you are going to do with this bacon? Do you? You are going to eat the fuck out of that bacon. Eat that bacon! But save that grease! Let the bacon grease cool down for a few minutes and add it to the beans. This will give the beans the fat that it was missing until this point, it will also add a really nice sheen to the beans. Now, get a masher and mash about 1/2 of the beans while leaving the rest whole. You can use the side of a large spoon to mash the beans if you don’t have a masher. Serve with a little cheese on top and a splash of salsa or hot sauce.

Week 2 Vikings preview!

I have no idea how we are going to do this week. It is our home opener so I hope that they can rise to the occasion. We are playing a divisional foe in Detroit. The Vikings are 2 1/2 point favorites, what ever the fuck that means. I would like to have a little more positive information, maybe some gambling advice but if you saw that shit show last Monday night you should understand. It was completely disheartening and left me with little belief that we can truly compete this season. I ain’t throwing in the towel yet but with a loss this weekend to a division rival and we can start planning for the draft. I think we will win. Shit, I think that every week. Then again I think that Green Acres was a hugely under appreciated television show. Best advice? Watch another game.

I won’t be tailgating this weekend, I’ll be at home with my beautiful and finally reconnected big ass TV and I’ll be grilling between games. Beer is much cheaper here and I have my own parking space! Bonus!

Be safe out there and may your favorite team, apart from Detroit, Green Bay, Chicago and New England win.

Cheers, you sexy bastards!

 

 

Author wishes to credit Epicurious.com for the recipe, photo and initial inspiration. Thanks.

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yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. He is into self denial and still harbors hope. Loves to cook, read and drink. But he doesn't plate.
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Bloody Lethal

Soy Sauce is good for all grilling adventures.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A friend just vacationed in Peru; went up the mountains. I don’t think this is quite like their food. It is a beautiful place.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you deliver?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Very few Peruvians at my local circle K.

Brick Meathook

“They’re out back behind the the Circle-K smoking Kools”

Wow, that’s the punch-line of a joke I first heard many many years ago.

And it was about white people…..

JerBear50

For the chicken, do you grill direct or offset?

Brick Meathook

If there’s another fantasy site commercial, I believe I will have to kill that guy from the poker movie.

Brick Meathook

Here, I’ve got a cooking story…

I myself am nothing special (although rest assured that I like me), but I seem to have a lot of older first cousins who did quite well. One of them lived in Santa Barbara CA and was a female golf champ and hobnobbed with the wealthy class. One of her neighbors was Julia Child, possibly the most famous TV chef of all time. Now, I make a killer paella that I am quite proud of; I use Uncle Ben’s Converted Rice and those little jars of minced garlic straight out of the garlic fields of Gilroy, CA. Don’t even try to correct me because you will be wrong.

So my cousin from Santa Barbara, who did quite well for herself and more power to her for that, and who also LOVED my paella, once told me about going over to a cooking-thing at her neighbor Julia Child’s house. And she told me with great glee that Julia Child, the goddess of TV cooks, used the minced garlic from the small jars instead of slicing them with a razor like the prison scene in “Goodfellas.”

Then I told her that I ALSO used the garlic from the small jars. She was dumbstruck for a moment, and then regained the composure that earned her the fortune that she had. Mostly by marrying rich guys and then divorcing them.

I really went around the block with this story. Anyway, garlic is really good when used properly.

Brick Meathook

Also marry somebody richer. That’s the secret.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah Right, I have a Peruvian friend that took me to a legit tiny little hole in the wall place in a strip mall in the Valley. Amazing food just like home, he said. We should go one of these days…

ballsofsteelandfury

How’s your schedule next weekend?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m clear. Saturday lunch?

Brick Meathook

I just finished watching the Stanford-USC game on TV. Fuck the NFL

(note: I did not attend either school).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I put a charcoal snob response on the other post. How come you don’t add heat to the chicken treatment? With big breasts (chicken, people) I find it better and maybe quicker to use the cooking hypo and inject the stuff into the breast, chicken.

Brick Meathook

Moose, I’ve always wondered about the hypo. Mainly because i first learned about it from Ron Popeil on one of his late night infomercials way back when. Now, I realize that the hypo may precede Popeil, and that Popeil was one of the greatest salesmen of his time (seriously, read about him), and I am also no stranger to the cooking arts. However, I have little to no knowledge of the hypo, a.k.a. “the flavor injector” (to quote Popeil) but it sounds more like that spikey-haired bro on The Food Channel.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t believe the hype, believe the hypo. Here’s the one I use. I think overs brought it up but with chicken and pork chops (thick) making a small cut and inserting garlic cloves, cheese (I like pepper cheese) or various fresh hot pepper can really add some savory tastiness.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61rAOP7GldL._SL1500_.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And as the Man says above; BACON!

Brick Meathook

Wow, that’s a piece of work there. Where do I get one? (I hope it comes with an instruction manual).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Any cooking store; warning need to clean it thoroughly after chicken.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Make sure it’s a COOKING or KITCHEN store.

http://severnbeachantiques.com/sites/default/files/enema.JPG

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey; do you get what ever channel this show is on? Investigative reporting.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/618222ff3ceb8f34f4da06956265c0fb/tumblr_n9k0vkSql71t69yfro1_1280.jpg

Brick Meathook

She has a good attitude. And a nice smile. And nice tits.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hard hitting journalism, less bias.

ballsofsteelandfury

I recommend Red Zone. I cannot watch full games live anymore. I am addicted to football Crack and I don’t mind.

Plus, when your team does something stupid, it makes the game much easier to take.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I tried it am I’m exactly the opposite; you don’t really know what’s going on in the game. I like the ebb and flow, the game itself.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

She seems excited about something. Perhaps a cool breeze? I dunno.

I need a haircut, though. I’d like one like hers, even though I wouldn’t look as good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Some guys are completely turned off by women with short hair; I like either if done right. There is one cut that seems popular, I think it’s called the “I need to speak to the manager” cut which I don’t care for though.

Brick Meathook
Don T

The game’s tricky. I don’t think paint thinner pairs well with beans.
0-2 is the Lions natural habitat, however. Long Island Iced Teas could do the trick.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How about a TV tail……… gate. My DVR just crashed too, it was old and the “rental fee” had paid for the machine long ago. Now I have a Genie, not the fantasy kind, the extended contract kind. No wonder these companies, with the current regulations to insure a lack of compitition, are making money hand over fist.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I think it’s a nice dress.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I won’t be tailgating this weekend, I’ll be at home with my beautiful and finally reconnected big ass………”