In an incident completely devoid of any irony whatsoever, it is now being reported that the Almighty God exacted His revenge upon Arian Foster for his stated belief that the Holy One, Blessed Be He, does not exist.
Foster was the subject of an ESPN The Magazine feature, where he “came out of the closet” as someone who does not believe in The Holy Father. Not one to just sit back and let people believe that He doesn’t exist, the Lord Our God reportedly caused Foster to strain his groin muscle to point where it separated from the bone. Foster is now expected to sit out for at least 2 months.
“I had no idea that merely stating my lack of faith in the God of Abraham would lead to consequences that are unquestionably traced directly to the offending act,” said Foster. “Had I known that Elohim does in fact exist, I would have never espoused those views.”
“It’s about time that the King of Kings struck right at the heart of the non-believer,” said Foster’s former backup and devout Christian Justin Forsett. “It seemed like for the past few years, you couldn’t be an openly Christian person in the NFL. I was the third string back behind Arian for years and the only thing holding me back was my outspoken faith in God and his son Jesus Christ. It was only through the divine intervention of the Holy Spirit, taking the form of Ray Rice’s fist, that I am now a starting running back in the NFL.”
Tim Tebow, who was the victim of relentless anti-Christian bigotry during his time in the NFL, said that “Arian seemed like a nice guy, but it’s people like him that won’t let me on an NFL team.” When asked why Foster, who was raised a Muslim, had not been struck down earlier, Tebow replied that “the Lord works in mysterious ways.”
When reached for comment, a spokesman for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said that his office was conducting an investigation as to whether Yahweh’s punishment was an inappropriate usurping of the Commissioner’s authority.
The All Knowing, All Powerful Divine Being did not respond to repeated requests for comment.
Not sure why I laughed but this guy; UppityWhiteCollarMF
at
http://uproxx.com/ksk/2015/07/2015-ksk-fantasy-team-naming-guide/
http://31.media.tumblr.com/42fb3d95d05df007104659c9dd3e30fd/tumblr_n2qygzGEoh1qfhy1do1_500.gif
Summer…………
http://41.media.tumblr.com/74084830efeee46ea502ab310a9a0656/tumblr_nsfkvpMP0y1qzq8p3o1_1280.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/KN3IDgm.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/0166ff18e42b9e7c39a52e37c6071b8c/tumblr_ngt5nisPZc1rdlm3eo2_250.gif
For some reason I’m reminded of a joke a guy once told me to fuck up my break during a game of 9-ball.
Why do you wrap a hamster up in duct tape?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/1e9d435568afc14e8f4de54efd8f6ed7/tumblr_mh9zggZP6t1s32n64o1_1280.png
So it doesn’t explode when you fuck it.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/2321635/dwarf-hamster-exploding-o.gif
Yes! YES! ROGER H. TAPDANCING GOODELL! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!
http://youtu.be/pu7bPjMBbOI
http://31.media.tumblr.com/84c68fa0c90787006310cb54d486d435/tumblr_nijnf6EElg1rkg2f4o1_500.gif
I gotcher dance rightcher ROGER!
9/11 truther’s comment has been taken down. And I have it in good authority that he is banned from posting comments on uprixx for a while.
In honor of trolling UPCOCKS.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/cd02dfa1b13557782b27315fcadb469e/tumblr_nhdub5JX3P1qzq8p3o1_1280.jpg
Is it natural to be this excited for a meaningless game? I realized that I was wiggling while I was waiting for my coffee to brew.
It’s not the earliest hints of the leaves changing color (palm trees generally don’t give a fuck anyway) or crushing waves of pumpkin spice everything, it’s the sight of those chalked lines on the field for the HoF game that gets me excited for fall and makes me feel like I can struggle through another 6 weeks of sweltering desert heat.
Fall is a wonderful time of year. I look forward to it from January to August.
Football is such a great sport in so many ways. It sucks that football is likely destroying young mens’ brains. I played 7 years and don’t begrudge the damage I did to my knees, ankles, and probably spine, but every time I forget something or lose my train of thought, I wonder if I’m experiencing some long-term football-induced damage, or if it was the malaria that cooked my brain, or if hey look there’s a squirrel!
Anyway, I was saying how fun football is. Without the arrests, child abuse, raping, racism, the sham that is collegiate football, and the ridiculous spectacle of asshole parents dressing up their 8 year-olds in full pads for Pop Warner games, of course.
It’s damn near a holy ritual, I think. Maybe that’s why indoor football or the XFL never felt right. There’s more to football than just football.
And I’d better post this comment before it disappears because I paused for 20 seconds to collect my thoughts. Fucking squirrels!
Good up until the second to last sentence. But the condemnation of squirrels has my dog soundly in your camp.
Most place in my state are perfect in summer, and the way women dress in the summer, I love fall and football, but summer is the best for me.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/edd2c31fe91cb2895bf2b97760ceadaa/tumblr_inline_nj15e0SCl61rdy1ha.gif
I’ll take any season where A. my nuts aren’t retracting into my body for warmth or 2. my nuts aren’t stuck to my inner thigh. Moderation is the key.
Then winter.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/f1c09c8ece022672e4ae47a84968c0ec/tumblr_ngt5nisPZc1rdlm3eo6_r1_250.gif
I’d comment more, but I’m getting ready to go to mass and pray for the immediate demise of this man’s career, because that’s what a good christian would do. Right?
good *Catholics….
Right there with you Fozzie!
/literally AT church
http://i.imgur.com/tltlbI4.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/b2119843ae103959cce43d87f5f149e2/tumblr_nkyjhaFCOS1rvxjyzo1_1280.png
Your prize of a Flying Spaghetti Monster bumper sticker is in the mail.
At least you guys get to party with wine and crackers.
*crackers in both meanings.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/0895eaac1b60d15194c4b7c5a8a55295/tumblr_ngt5nisPZc1rdlm3eo9_r1_250.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/d72ec5a40c38da06f5ac03432ddcf03d/tumblr_n54hdw4zy61t7qscqo1_400.gif
http://data1.whicdn.com/images/69293712/large.gif
Hiya kiddo! How the fuck have you been?
http://media4.popsugar-assets.com/files/2014/06/23/943/n/1922283/7057cf7d7acec616_drinking2.larger.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/9d8e4a709229e7fabaf165310dd2382e/tumblr_njtl1cBIZK1u2vfnro1_1280.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/41d1a4646ccdc2007561d5164e380bcc/tumblr_mh2srtaipP1r6ja9oo1_500.jpg
SciFigasm.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/10473b1b251d6420b8909dde1b075c48/tumblr_n5ngy5II0U1qc59p4o1_1280.jpg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/1236581100ee75b57cbe8c94d89920f0/tumblr_n7hxgaQENn1swwqebo1_500.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/1655e85e8c10c3e7c596843f74441aa0/tumblr_nkteznqPui1qcqkc5o1_1280.gif
Sorry in advance.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/1a787fc58c1b079a813380ce2a4f506f/tumblr_mfwo8v2Cd81qea7tao1_1280.jpg
Oh, hai…..
http://41.media.tumblr.com/4540456f43b2646877e3f0bcfbcfce59/tumblr_nkamsu1R4R1qbibwjo1_1280.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/b26f802c10c6f74f490fa0c76a327ad0/tumblr_niz9ilRrmi1qdsywgo1_1280.jpg
Martin and/or I posted this a while ago.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/894dff5cc9d322afb6fb5ad3f46233a0/tumblr_mzse7lWALC1r2vo64o1_400.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/b078b3d45383febd1ee86ae338294d37/tumblr_mzse7xCN9q1r2vo64o1_400.gif
@Moose First I am stealing this gif. Santiago is hot and there is nothing gif or pic wise, Or wasn’t last time I checked.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/10f9ada9867d89887a817b0ffe124327/tumblr_nfs4o1iVp61r426i4o1_250.gif
Second, holy shit Nyssa al Ghul was in Spartacus. It almost makes me want to try watching it again. I mean it had Lucy Lawless naked in it, but also dong every 2 min, which I could have dealt with if the story wasn’t boring.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/d46e86a3894873baeb25c0362f2d294a/tumblr_nl4hrrwISQ1sxj7qdo1_540.png
Yes, long after I gave up on Spartacus I kept recording it and just FFing to her screen time; she is just ethereal.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/34607f8cc8b18498ac976529be7aaafe/tumblr_n8s9v7tI5Q1qevu04o1_r1_500.png
Stealing a gif that I have just stolen!! GASP!
Katrina Law as a detective……
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/2601761/600full-katrina-law.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnVXIUyshng
http://33.media.tumblr.com/33bc6b738018b1b0c4b834fcd41b1e3f/tumblr_nhoncdz5L11s8t0p6o1_500.gif
Old timey blues and George Thorogood kind of have the theme for tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97ECZMvbLxg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/1fa617eb97668919a83c00a6a3c28f25/tumblr_mooem6GsGw1svney6o1_400.gif
Doors Fly Open……..
Pajamas Fly Open
He puts the YEAH! in yeah right.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/70af5357cc0b53651a8afe4fc214c3ad/tumblr_nl7s0pULMq1qzhl6vo1_250.gif
Wuuurt??
http://41.media.tumblr.com/538880944a41371180dc0d64d5f7aa43/tumblr_nleluwp4vS1tl3lpbo1_500.jpg
Lake in a lake.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/8b99543e4b14d8c0168ac9432c70ca94/tumblr_nfnzyuon9K1s2yr14o1_1280.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/65f47ec77f051db5e465ddb289480a75/tumblr_ni6022kDLW1sjeblgo4_540.jpg
Mr. Right….. eehem, Mr. Yeah Right is still up!
http://33.media.tumblr.com/9b730e9c0d19e5d1163a074bca0d4320/tumblr_nd4exsE5zJ1u0ls4jo1_500.gif
May the Balls of Steel never rust
May the marine corrosion resistant paint always be fresh
When you surf
Perhaps the poetry teacher was correct.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/b46ea215782ef6332ae8f49a86fb198c/tumblr_neafdq3ass1u2602to1_500.gif
WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDGT7Ge4v2k
Yeah I can do this.
I’m insured.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/3578387846414f5879eedb983c9cbb88/tumblr_mygob8gXKT1tn7pqeo1_500.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/85893dbc8885d52340895d0ff7088bba/tumblr_nbnfdqwICW1tet206o1_500.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/56948f4e5e396071ee1ba2c076870443/tumblr_nkuw9wksnR1tm7kklo1_500.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/509379a116449d8f14d8de6d66342b1d/tumblr_nl25bqyPpr1r00543o2_r2_250.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/10f9ada9867d89887a817b0ffe124327/tumblr_nfs4o1iVp61r426i4o1_250.gif
try this on for size,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X-UezRhots
Nice.
Of course no bands ever have had big egos.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/1493f57f56a40bf66079efcfccdcadc5/tumblr_njo906FxlW1qhhssxo1_250.gif
That’s not fair, Moose. You know ancient Egypt is my thing.
Sexy Egyptian for the Fozzinator.
http://howcool.com/popup-images/FP-550019.jpg
I said STOP IT.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/f6240e1458d5001dd307935a2c935f98/tumblr_n3xx82CHJl1rotipro1_500.jpg
No ego in the intro…..
http://31.media.tumblr.com/6135c531aefc26ee0ab6477c5906b81e/tumblr_nebgibRxU61qdxd3qo1_500.gif
http://36.media.tumblr.com/2b03602f28b8023a8681add61a861451/tumblr_nkj5q0XuNc1qfvouao1_1280.jpg
Thanks Martin.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/d50b065179e76ff10b2f6bbabd3c9313/tumblr_nk4orsRxl71u5i6fko1_1280.jpg
Debbie…….
http://36.media.tumblr.com/cbecb919e2d899afcd3baf48a9d110ab/tumblr_ngks1etojf1t5nem3o1_1280.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/d46e86a3894873baeb25c0362f2d294a/tumblr_nl4hrrwISQ1sxj7qdo1_540.png
Not sure, but pretty sure this is not actual construction…… could be though.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/722a654b0bb7135c9895836f0a1b70b3/tumblr_nbhjuj9U471tk1qzvo1_400.gif
“We’ll see about some torn ligaments. When I’m done you’ll wish it was just torn ligaments.”
http://40.media.tumblr.com/da26ae9e3c9bf2205b5fcb8584918a78/tumblr_ndccb5X5JA1qaritto1_1280.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/50e6a5e4a73298cf10c08124acdb096e/tumblr_mqi2ihVeBb1qhzjl5o3_400.jpg
http://31.media.tumblr.com/30b0167c219a406cfd27a065fe71da0a/tumblr_mls4rzYw6W1rp4duqo1_250.gif
Anybody remember this? Great stoned TV.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/ea840ea5c18441eb4d30e5abdb2a705c/tumblr_mi3j70cwVm1qi97u7o1_1280.jpg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/40cc371c843ceb76c3cbaf0a6e6b0029/tumblr_nh57f0RNtx1r5a08so3_500.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/841f2123e61926589bd11a7b95d3b486/tumblr_njwvh3uSjB1ramnmyo2_540.gif
Isabella Rossellini
http://40.media.tumblr.com/39414760e494211a689c35b665bb4301/tumblr_ng9z5x2HEP1t5nem3o1_500.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/664e69f6b8988985833b45824f944003/tumblr_mqi2ihVeBb1qhzjl5o6_400.jpg
A work of Italian art on level with that boring picture on the ceiling of the Vatican.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/58a28cc77819c72f89553ef3b6a590ce/tumblr_nhp0rkG8GU1tgpoh8o1_1280.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/8e3456a240554ad7810b7db6dc4bb97f/tumblr_nkky5ySmzk1qfcq2qo1_1280.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyfwwa1NKs1ro0cbpo1_500.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/3c7620fad5a58b1c71a3a1a054237597/tumblr_nlfc4bDqWS1terwlso1_500.gif
She could charm the bolts off a rusted steamer post.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/22c1a53f30cd89d00b6fb03fdad6ff0c/tumblr_nkm6rnALiO1qdoyv4o1_500.gif
http://41.media.tumblr.com/246c0c85afca5f55bf789de99d3da26f/tumblr_mqi2ihVeBb1qhzjl5o9_400.jpg
Color; that involuntary sploosh moment post.
Yesterday was b&w.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/b25f909a2284ade1a608aa09df883eda/tumblr_nm6snhp7yJ1rr6fsbo1_250.gif
Underwear rebuttal post.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/8d06431abe272c7f55d8b004c8bf4b4c/tumblr_ndilbeYy3F1qkz4ico1_1280.jpg
Desert, boots, bikini, side boob, too small top that we are OK with post.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/7aaeb4f23a02033ec5314e12d281cf57/tumblr_nnd1x02WZy1qgxas2o1_540.jpg
She’s turning me into a Cure fan.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/81eb3b3bac019cc4705dafa35d371ebf/tumblr_mz0hrazJ1N1r4z7iso1_500.jpg
I fucking love jean shorts, or these, whatever these are….
http://41.media.tumblr.com/1edd9b45a3aad1064ad939e5af268871/tumblr_nn8f26ZvVJ1qixedeo1_1280.jpg
I like the skulls.
This week in Nice Jacket.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/a7196ae177d1936a9ae0a0ce38ae3213/tumblr_nmvczxZG1l1s5zf6fo1_500.gif
Catherine the Great myth post.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/d08f6cbedfabd2aad2065a84d1e74011/tumblr_nn0bgnKL161qixedeo1_540.gif
Isn’t the guy from Flight of the Conchords the voice of the horse?
jeas, jaes it ish.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/4d8f5b895639dd83ebae9b679c23707c/tumblr_inline_nlhnbgTLyl1rdy1ha.gif
Paskettii post.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/43c02720cad2b84b8524573a36d77389/tumblr_nhexzuMXfD1qcb7e0o1_400.jpg
Could use some meatballs. Maybe I can help.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/769e41fb914803aaa50005e50a417056/tumblr_nlsgfx1fLD1qcmptjo3_250.gif
http://randomgif.com/gif/Orgazmo.gif