[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

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e-Door Flies Open

MikeWallaceAndGromit

/

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eSports are a thing, and today is their Super Bowl. For those not in the know, eSports (electronic sports) is the term used to describe the competitive scene of video and PC games. You may joke when I say competitive. Or sports. Or scene. However, the world of competitive gaming has grown to the point where sponsored teams are fighting it out for millions of dollars each year. Mill. Eee. Uns. It’s just like the NFL really, but the murders and violence are all digital.

For the past couple weeks, teams of 5 from across the globe have been playing the PC game DOTA 2 in the 5th annual International tournament, put on by the game’s creator Valve (the guys that made Counter-Strike, heard of that?). Total prize pool? $18 million, the biggest prize pool ever for eSports. 18 fucking million dollars to be divided up between the top 16 teams, with the Grand Finals winner taking home $6.6 million.

Today are those Grand Finals: a best of 5 series to determine the ultimate champion in frantically clicking a mouse and mashing on a keyboard. The event is going on in a sold out Key Arena in Seattle, with 17,000+ fans in attendance and literally millions watching streams via the web.

DOTA 2 is a Multiplayer Online Battle Arena (MOBA) game, with two teams of 5 heroes drafted from a larger pool, each with unique skills and strategies, struggling to destroy the opposing team’s base. I could go on explaining, but I don’t want to write 10,000 words, especially with the Finals starting soon.

https://vine.co/v/ewjrPQ59Wza

It’s going to be CDEC Gaming of China vs. Evil Geniuses of the good old USA (USA! USA!). Match 1 begins at around  2:30 PM PST.

You can watch the stream of the Grand Finals here. (Select the Twitch option in the lower left if you don’t have a Steam account). The announcers can go bonkers at times, even if you don’t understand what they’re talking about. There is a stream option for beginners that attempts to explain the basics of the what the fuck is going on as a neon colored goat-man throwing out magic spells chases down a frost dragon, as a mustached guy riding a gyrocopter calls down some missiles. It’s fun.

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Sep

this means that consoles will become obsolete soon, yes? I guess I’ll keep rocking the xbox 360 like some sort of luddite/nerd.

Borderlands: The Handsome Collection is making me strongly consider an XboxOne though.

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Porky Prime

Well, theyve been saying that since Amiga. We are closer than we’ve ever been though, especially since people have lower standards and will spend days matching up candy pieces on their phones.

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Porky Prime

Uh…I played through Force Unleashed while my wife and kids were out of town. Ran up some scores on Star Wars Pinball here and there. Other than that, I am officially old and unhip.

I guess I play about as much now as my own dad used to. He could whup ass at Missile Command for the 2600 when he got a few Meister Braus in him and he really really liked Galaga 90 for Turbo-16 back in the day…wow really bumming myself out on a lot of levels right now.

http://www.techsavvyed.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/missile-command.gif

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think the way to ease you into gaming is to suggest a beloved game. Try Civ5, it is like Risk fucked a math textbook. On a more serious note, try Star Wars KotoR. 15 hours long, not too hard and you mentioned you were cool with a Star Wars game.

/Back to hour 10 of a game of Civ5 I started today

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Porky Prime

Thanks for looking out, honestly. Still, the games and the desire are less of a problem than the time and fatigue. When the kids are finally asleep, I either have a shitload of other things to do or I’m completely running on fumes and I have to crash for my 545am alarm.

I have a dozen games, more actually, that I’ve never played for more than 5 minutes a session to get to. Mega Man 9 and 10, Sin & Punishment SS, Halo ODST, Mario Galaxy, God of War 3…basically I’m backlogged. (So of course first chance I got for long play in a year I played Force Unleashed, which I’d already beaten.)

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

Evil Geniuses have taken a 2-1 game lead. They now head into the championship clinching game now. USA! USA! USA! These games have been fucking nuts.

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The Maestro

I played so much Mario Kart: Double Dash! and Super Smash Bros. Melee in college that I’m pretty sure Bowser is permanently seared into my retinas. God, those were heady days. My roommates and I created practically an entire new dictionary of swears thanks to the expulsion of rage over all those hours. So in case any of you need to call someone a “floor-licking assmongler” or “turd-covered fuckwagon”, then you’re welcome to use ’em.

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Doktor Zymm

During a weekend in high school when we were shoving 30 or so people in 2 adjoining hotel rooms, the only noise complaint we got was from me and 3 other people playing Virtua Tennis. Goddamn that game was great.

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Old School Zero

That was a perfect game.

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Doktor Zymm

In a month or so, when I get the rest of my furniture and set up my Dreamcast and Wii in the dining room, I’m gonna re-play through Shenmue and Shenmue 2. Did I Kickstart Shenmue 3 on the first day? Damn right I did!

Apparently the only difference between me living alone and a guy living alone is my place is cleaner and I have rugs and decorative pillows.

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Doktor Zymm

I vote we have a video game check in, consolidated into one komment.
What you playing?

1) Civ 5. Always and forever.
2) Dragon Age (Fun, but still no Elder Scrolls)
3) Skulls of the Shogun (PS plus free game for July, pretty awesome too)

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burritobongo

Dr. Mario- NES (on my phone, best game ever).
Borderlands Handsome Jack collection – Xbone.
GTA Vice City- PS2 on the old crt TV in the basement. (cause apparently, a man can get kicked off his own god damned TV in his own god damned house.)

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Spanky Datass

!

http://pongmuseum.com/history/_picts/atari/pong_cabbig-web.jpg

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Old School Zero

Fallout 3, Borderlands 2, fight night champion, mirrors edge, FFIV, Castlevania SOTN

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jjfozz

Just bought an Xbox One for the kids (yeah right, let’s go with that) we have been playing NHL 15 – great game, and it gets even better when the arguing breaks out and the kids start brawling in the living room, and Mrs. Fozz goes into the kitchen with a pitcher of sangria.

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Sep

Borderlands 2
Skate 2

Xbox 360. I am really into sequels apparently, why do you ask?

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Dick E. Phuck

I wonder if there are parents who groom their kids to become world class gamers?Like an e-sports version of Todd Marinovich.

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Curse of Marino

Hey now, keep The Ben’s deep throat fantasies out of this.

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burritobongo

I wonder if they have groupies. Hot akward chicks on the spectrum… Time to dust off the old xbone.

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burritobongo

Ohh can’t edit… Awkward

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ballsofsteelandfury

Xbone actually makes it better.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Ak -ward”

adj. Both awkward and throw-up worthy.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I miss the days you could accidentally become friends with one of the top North America players of WC3 while playing CS. Now they all just play their game all the time like it is a job and have no time for any other game.

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Horatio Cornblower

What a bunch of nerds, sitting inside all day playing games when it’s 80 and gorgeous out.

/fails to see irony of many comments left all over the interwebs today.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey fucker; I gots me window open.

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

One of these kids in the finals is 16 years old. Already guaranteed a cut of the 2nd place price of $2 million.

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jjfozz

Sad part, he won’t be blowing that money on hookers, weed, and a stupidly expensive car – instead he’s gonna do something dumb like invest it, or save it for college. Kids these days…

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scotchnaut

I like Star Defender 4. It was better than Star Defender 3 which was awesome.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Madden challenge?

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scotchnaut

I’m in. This is about drawing dicks on telestrators, right?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t know, I learned about it from Jon Cusack in Runaway Jury.

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Doktor Zymm

I’m enjoying my own version of nerdvana at present. Thanks to a friend who kindly let me borrow a nice drill, I won my battle with the drywall anchors and I just won a game of Civ 5 that I played on my newly hung, wall-sized, motorized projector screen. The screen really does increase the brightness of the picture when the room is not completely dark. Mmm, delicious lumens.

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blordinaryfagicmox

Heh, “newly hung.”
I hope you fucked up ghandi, that double crossing bastard.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: “newly hung” is how people were describing the winner of the Arthur Ashe Courage award at the alternate universe ESPYs.

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ThePirateSloth

If you like Civ5, you should give Endless Legend a try.

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MikeMartzColorsDontRun

I actually picked that up on the summer steam sale, I’m a sucker for all the Civ Lite type games. I don’t seem to have the patience or attention span for full-on Civ depth, but things like Age of Wonders / Warlock / Endless legend etc

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ThePirateSloth

Don’t forget about Fallen Enchantress: Legendary Heroes. It’s a bit closer to the Age of Wonder/Heroes of Might and Magic type of game than Civ5, but another solid pick up in that empire type building game.

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

Ooh, I will check it out.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

/ Obligatory dick joke about “newly hung”

I have been playing that game nonstop for the last week or so. Great time killer while waiting for your new job that has a start date that got pushed back.

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Doktor Zymm

Oh, “newly hung” is the least of the dirty jokes involved in “mounting” a screen. When installing a drywall anchor, you have to drill the hole big enough to fit the anchor, but you want it to be tight. Then you shove it in there and get on with the screwing.

There are way too many hardware/sex metaphors, I had to think about something else, otherwise I might have fallen off the ladder laughing.

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jjfozz

After you’ve gotten to the new hole, it has to be properly filled, and then left to dry.

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MikeMartzColorsDontRun

No mockery from me on this one. I’m a 33 year old man who still loves videogames and is still VERY competitive about them (right up to the point of distinction between amateur play and actual crazy 18 year old Korean esports pros).

I don’t actually follow DOTA much myself personally, but I am a *huge* fan of a game called Heroes of the Storm- which is very similar. They are both classified as “moba” by genre, it is arguably the most popular current genre of games outside of FPS (you know, doom / call of duty etc).

So yeah what im sayin is if we’re posting a bit about these type of things here, I’m fully down whether it’s sincere interest or the usual schadenfreude

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

Mine is sincere interest, no question.

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ThePirateSloth

I’ve been an admin for TF2 for 10 years, and play all sorts of PC games. If we get some video game discussion going on once or twice a week, I’d totally be down for it.

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

I think I have 1600 hours in TF2, most as spy. Haven’t played in quite some time though, especially now that Valve has apparently killed the Dead Ringer. But yeah, I think some occasional video game discussion may be in order.

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Old School Zero

Having been suckered into playing some Fight Night again recently, I’ve been thinking about making a post about how much EA sucks at making good sports games–IT’S IN THE GAME MY ASS!

EA Sports makes money, not games.

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ThePirateSloth

I’ve taken a long break from both TF2 and being admin. You can only deal with mouthbreathing racist 12 year olds for so long before you lose hope in humanity.

I’ve been hopping on my old server lately though, feels good to be throwin sandviches and punching people with oversized boxing gloves.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I used to play all the time. Now I am either way into it or don’t play for weeks. I was really good at CS (quick-switch awp rushes were my fav… miss you 1.5) but played some TF2, WC3 and WoW among other things. What I am saying is I am in if people want to talk games. If you want to go more old school with RPGs from systems that are rotting in most peoples closets, I am more in.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Do they have a Leisure Suit Larry division? I think Team DFO would make some money there!

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MikeMartzColorsDontRun

Press A to [Fondle titties]
Press B to [Make lewd, misogynist comment]
Press X to [HADOUKEN]

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