In an incident completely devoid of any irony whatsoever, it is now being reported that the Almighty God exacted His revenge upon Arian Foster for his stated belief that the Holy One, Blessed Be He, does not exist.
Foster was the subject of an ESPN The Magazine feature, where he “came out of the closet” as someone who does not believe in The Holy Father. Not one to just sit back and let people believe that He doesn’t exist, the Lord Our God reportedly caused Foster to strain his groin muscle to point where it separated from the bone. Foster is now expected to sit out for at least 2 months.
“I had no idea that merely stating my lack of faith in the God of Abraham would lead to consequences that are unquestionably traced directly to the offending act,” said Foster. “Had I known that Elohim does in fact exist, I would have never espoused those views.”
“It’s about time that the King of Kings struck right at the heart of the non-believer,” said Foster’s former backup and devout Christian Justin Forsett. “It seemed like for the past few years, you couldn’t be an openly Christian person in the NFL. I was the third string back behind Arian for years and the only thing holding me back was my outspoken faith in God and his son Jesus Christ. It was only through the divine intervention of the Holy Spirit, taking the form of Ray Rice’s fist, that I am now a starting running back in the NFL.”
Tim Tebow, who was the victim of relentless anti-Christian bigotry during his time in the NFL, said that “Arian seemed like a nice guy, but it’s people like him that won’t let me on an NFL team.” When asked why Foster, who was raised a Muslim, had not been struck down earlier, Tebow replied that “the Lord works in mysterious ways.”
When reached for comment, a spokesman for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said that his office was conducting an investigation as to whether Yahweh’s punishment was an inappropriate usurping of the Commissioner’s authority.
The All Knowing, All Powerful Divine Being did not respond to repeated requests for comment.
You wanna get real?
There ain’t no God
There ain’t no Easter bunny
and there sure as fuck ain’t no Tooth Fairy.
Come at me bro!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87b4a4a2wmY
http://i.minus.com/iN240HUxuamPH.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/d0b6ef480440f882bf71ae1ef81c9c89/tumblr_niu02fcUVT1rlb6iho1_500.gif
Looks like Arian Needs to watch Bibleman
So, I don’t know if this has been pointed out yet but, out of pure curiosity I visited Dave Rappoccio’s “What now?” KSK post. I doubt it’ll be up for long, but a commenter named “9/11 Truther” posted a…let’s just call if very NSFW gif near the bottom of the thread. It’s already been there for a few hours now according to the timestamp. As Aaron Sorkin would put it, it’s really quite something.
I saw some on the name thread a few days ago and it had been there for four days.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8i9ubU0R51ron8wuo1_400.gif
Relevant
Bibleman is your fetish…… we are not here to judge.
Is there snuff Bibleman out there? If you you are on the right track!
If so*
Pete Carroll has lost his marbles
This 9/11 truther; His ideas are intriguing and I would like to subscribe to his newsletter. Or maybe write his newsletter.
I saw that last night. I did a double-take, then laughed my ass off.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/482a6d4827290a4ea89104ed70884962/tumblr_ncp1ggjU0n1qdae4uo6_250.gif
OK, one at a time Remy then.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/0226646a81366538e468e1a9fc708ebb/tumblr_nmb02spPi11qixedeo1_540.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/a7427a0ba6eadd65e8412f9761235363/tumblr_nmb02spPi11qixedeo2_540.gif
Is there more????????????
How the hell ya doin’ boys! Long time KSK lurker, made an account here to join in the ruckus! I give you a link to peace offering I made today(because I dunno how to post images):
LeSean McCoy’s New Ride
Nicely done! Welcome!
http://i.imgur.com/zBu7F3l.jpg
Appreciate it! Always enjoyed you guys, just couldn’t ever bring myself to make an Uproxx account. Looking forward to the liveblogs! (Will there be Liveblogs?)
Yes. We don’t know how that will function (we’re trying to find the best way to do them) but we are committed to doing them. In the meantime, enjoy the open thread!
The last Sexy Friday worked OK, if a new way is not found that will work. The free labor of the guys here is making for a better website than how UPCHUXX got.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/92c8c5e9c8fc38b05dc7dfa7b84b9632/tumblr_nilyj1NP9f1qaqx8xo1_500.gif
Give uncle Scrotor a hug!
http://i1253.photobucket.com/albums/hh586/TheDailyLike/ludgate-alcohol1.gif
https://vimeo.com/81917365
Would anybody (except my niece) mind if I go teh sexah? We didn’t break it on SF so the system works. I just don’t want to stuff some server like a porn star the first time on set.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/a9d8bc628c7bbe0ac0235ca7bf889511/tumblr_nli4gy1DDa1tjz63yo1_540.gif
I think we’re good. 336 comments didn’t break us, so I think we’re going to be OK.
/will probably be wrong
//runs away
http://bullmurph.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/murray1.jpg
That didn’t sound right; PHRASING! To clarify; she thinks I should be watching TV with her instead of on the pooder. In my mind both are sedentary.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/df5baed9b23d44ef56dda617df65f3a1/tumblr_inline_nmkqmi0bhx1rdy1ha_500.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/49cca86d4de9393189e614067d86fccd/tumblr_nl0ea6SQ3V1rrkahjo1_400.gif
These fishermen are so fucking pissed right now.
“Why did they pass it?” over and over and over again.
It’s actually kind of funny.
Wait a tick…
This post refers to God and Roger Goodell as if they are two separate entities?
I have been playing this on constant loop whilst I drink the very dangerous third Sumpin’ Sumpin’ and in all serious, this is the best song I have heard all summer. Impossible to categorize, great multi-part harmony, impossibly hot female band member. In short, Houndmouth has it all:
Hey Hippo do yourself a favor and buy the whole album. All time album.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5TCL7qhPdI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9q7EjHxYsE
http://36.media.tumblr.com/183f3311ed215cadaceac7514ad1b6fe/tumblr_nlfhkw3wjj1qkfywfo1_1280.jpg
I’m watching a “Deadliest Catch’ episode where two boats are going to all sort so lengths to get together and watch the Super Bowl together. They’re all Seahawks fans.
I just want to yell at them to stay on board and keep fishing.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/eaed8046d6acd3157f235359c407a064/tumblr_n0tu0bL5021sjbapyo3_r1_250.gif
Damn it keyboard!!
http://33.media.tumblr.com/4b0b330b6f5065b9d35cf82e3f59b41c/tumblr_mr8a3z010W1ry00fjo1_500.gif
HARF HARF THE BEN STOP DEFENSEMAN TO HELP BUSMAN INTO GOOD FOOTBALL GUY BUILDING
throws feces at the barely average RB who got in ahead of the transcendent Terrell Davis.
Godfuckingdamnit
http://41.media.tumblr.com/0cfd1322d572148f57da7e3300f7119a/tumblr_nmig60tkkT1qdbluio1_1280.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/5ee3aaa4c008f88c8edcf11df2f09e68/tumblr_nmdam256ib1qkqzo7o1_1280.png
WHERE’S DA RUM HAM?!?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/c3e0ca8f23b0bcce507e9e4f7e41872f/tumblr_nljs1li3yY1qhhssxo2_250.gif
Why was this gif never used during the Cookie Wars? Is it the equivalent of a nuke or of chemical weapons?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/cfd5a2ca0dc5e2e275337e3b454d0390/tumblr_nlktw5SSP31qhhssxo1_250.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/7e0af2096ba98575fb373ca90e82911f/tumblr_nlktw5SSP31qhhssxo4_250.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/7360e1a45b35173a669273cba488dcc6/tumblr_natrffxWTE1syjihfo1_500.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/0226646a81366538e468e1a9fc708ebb/tumblr_nmb02spPi11qixedeo1_540.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/a7427a0ba6eadd65e8412f9761235363/tumblr_nmb02spPi11qixedeo2_540.gif
moar Remy
Wait… WHAT???
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqBz64WIsxM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqBz64WIsxM
Uh oh. I’m drinking some Jefferson’s Bourbon and getting into a music mood…
MOAR nerdy stuff:
/we all have our own hands, but we come from different moms
http://40.media.tumblr.com/623d5211d2933d648af6b0a73ad7e0c5/tumblr_nl8oi1Laqg1qi8k06o1_500.png
If I drink a THIRD Sumpin’ Sumpin’ Ale, what are the odds I wake up pantsless in the parking lot of the strip club out by the airport?
What are the odds it’s not totally worth it?
#UpForWhatever
http://33.media.tumblr.com/4bbe5bd704e5eccc6ab1db02235a0c57/tumblr_ms07hkfQML1sczpapo1_r2_400.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/2f1c7d399b86aa789cfc76d257cba1bb/tumblr_n5w64rcG2i1r9bv1do1_1280.jpg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/ea0e0d758caa2ee51b8b4fc5e83d92d7/tumblr_nlpc4z19771qbn6jwo1_500.gif
My record on those is 7. I fell into the fireplace.
Actually that was Lagunitas Sucks, which is lower ABV than Sumpin’ Sumpin’.
My point is, go for it! It’s summer and you’re probably not even using the fireplace.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/3c3f0d6912b70a4a259dafd43e008693/tumblr_nb6qpeNwNM1smf3gro1_1280.jpg
I love a good drunken fire story. I have one myself, back from college days. We should make that an open thread one night “DFO Drunken Fire Stories.”
I like that idea!
Punishment? What is punishment except denying our realities and lying to ourselves that we are worthwhile. Maybe punishment is really an opportunity that we’re too stupid to take. And so human kind continues it’s depravity and holds itself as a martyr even though we are willfully terrible. Souls of ignorance and sin. Listing as if to meat the minimum to pretend it, this life, has any meaning.
Freudian slip!
OK, I started laughing at “meat the minimum.”
http://38.media.tumblr.com/2c11ddd770d2b611546ca1499e78e7b9/tumblr_nn4occ2tF71r426i4o1_500.gif
Is it time for a beverage?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/30e7d2dfaf20f0197cac7bf871bfc13a/tumblr_inline_nmobz5gAFy1rdy1ha_500.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/7f54e55208d1efbf66e0ad6f3250ff1c/tumblr_nmrjhgrXhD1r25xgqo1_250.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/e62a93da2b1b9838221679acb8a0e3c3/tumblr_nmrjhgrXhD1r25xgqo2_250.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/1072d0ef27398eee52959ca989044e16/tumblr_inline_nn17i8cIsM1rdy1ha_500.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/15295834e44e5fd5edb9dee7a38f1c72/tumblr_myxsix1g1E1qlllhso1_500.jpg
FotC is the best thing in the history of ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0
It’s a mouse, fucking another mouse, that’s caught in a mousetrap.
Chicks LOVE it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtfQg4KkR88
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCub8r1T5Rs
http://33.media.tumblr.com/2b4fda2f330b9d3edeb8746597b792bd/tumblr_nkfx5nAcE91smsmqro1_1280.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/bf37ef447a7f96d041fa48ae52b30fe4/tumblr_nnl5moPwh81sr7281o1_500.gif
How do I post a damn image. I will join thee.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/27b67ac363973575729c25e8746f50b0/tumblr_n1xira9BLg1s01qkyo1_500.gif
My god, it all makes sense now.
Ok, Sydney Seau deserves a ton of credit for holding her shit together while giving a heartfelt speech, especially the part about wishing her dad could be up there to give her a hug.
Fuck you, Goodell, for making this a thing and putting her in a position where if she said anything about why her dad wasn’t there, the blowhards in the press would have said she did the NFL wrong after they “bent the rules” for her.
Why aren’t I drunk?
The answer to all of your questions is the universe is a cold, indifferent place.
WCS; there are some warm places…..
http://41.media.tumblr.com/02925f7938eef82a7099335606c9230f/tumblr_mta2fjuTJ51rf4sgco1_500.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/dad3f6d3987e2b114c15b2f71d0e710e/tumblr_inline_nmu18aikZZ1rdy1ha_500.gif
Peter King’s going to write 3400 words on how the NFL, under Roger Goodell’s peerless leadership, made the correct call in allowing Syndey Seau to speak, but, the real issue is how and why Darren Sharper hasn’t been inducted yet. Remember, off the field stuff doesn’t matter, unless it reflects poorly on the NFL.
DO SOMETHING NFL PLAYER’S ASSOCIATION
I won’t read one of ’em.
That NFL-sanctioned Junior Seau video was bullshit. How can they talk about him like some posthumous inductee who isn’t there because he died of natural causes? His parents are there crying, and his daughter wasn’t allowed to talk about why her father isn’t.
Live mic coming up. Hope she uses it.
Seau’s daughter is using a lot of words to describe her dad, but none are “brain damaged” yet.
I don’t think I can watch anymore of the induction ceremony. Censored version of Hot Tub Time Machine it is until the laundry is ready.
Someone photoshop Arian Foster onto a pick of Rust Cohle.
Is this where we make fun of Tim Brown for doing a season by season recap of his career in front of people who care enough about the NFL to go to Canton, Ohio?
Go for it! I will shake my fist at the jackasses who think it’s harder to tell the story of the NFL without a fungible guy like Tim Fucking Brown than a force of nature like Terrell Davis, who saved John Elway’s legacy and redeemed by childhood/adolescence.
Is he from Detroit? I hear that helps.
Mr. Hippo; I believe they both need to be in there. Ahead of some of the more recent inductees.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/7acec0bce7a3ced904548a42fb5cba60/tumblr_ngefxvtFAq1qcyrmyo1_1280.png
Jerome Goddamned Bettis. Curtis Martin. They weren’t even GOOD, for fuck’s sake.
Oh, they were very good, top notch RBs, just not HoFers; with the exception of the Rams that one year they were never NEAR as dominant as Davis, Gibbs, and the “too small to beat the Packers” OL.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/b294dea62e30fc4f15ead63e818b131d/tumblr_n8l31aPYZv1r2vo64o2_400.gif
I never have, and likely never will, cry like I cried the night the Broncos won that first Lombardi trophy.
And that, ladies, is why men make no fucking sense. I’ve buried one parent and almost surely will live long enough to bury the other.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/10ab71202356afc931ba95abdb1d4dd8/tumblr_n9cpgizRa81qcq8eeo1_500.gif
<img style=”width:380px;” src=”http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LVxK4fYY8v8/TQj8yGv2uUI/AAAAAAAAERA/Nh8favI0NIk/s1600/jesus_and_the_dinosaurs.jpgalt=””
It sorta worked?
My understanding is you only need that with .jpeg’s.*
*Doesn’t know shit from Shinola®
Basically just make sure that the link ends with jpg, gif, or png and you should be good.
Shoot. Damn fundi hacker camp. I always end the Messiah’s link with Ω.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/718971606647ccc1d5a95d7c77502d4b/tumblr_njaw4u0Rd11qg1df8o1_500.gif
God also commented “Now I’m gonna fuck with Dolphin fans some more, give them false hope and all that shit.”
http://i.imgur.com/2L3C3MO.gifv
Well. I’m fucked.
Lube?
Out of closet gay?
Career ends.
Does musicals in New York.
Gets Rich.*
*Monetarily and Rich Newcastle, who owns and apartment on the upper east side, very nice view and has a huge dinning area.
Aldon Smith recently proclaimed his disbelief in Dionysus, coincidence?
While we are at it; Thor likes a good run game and stout front seven on a team, throw in a hard hitting safety and guaranteed not lighting strikes during games.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/51db1a11ec84576fc026968239b32e57/tumblr_mvxbn1wbDN1qzcj1mo1_1280.jpg
Usually God fines running backs one ACL and MCL for such blasphemy.
Severe groin pull?!?! Who does he think he is Roger Fucking Stokoe Goodell ??
Seriously, I’ve never cringed harder at four words than “torn from the bone”. Though “you’ll need a catheter” when I had my appendix out was right up there.
http://i.imgur.com/BPZONFK.jpg
I can haz new testament?
God can get a little petty when he gets into one of his moods. Russell Wilson should talk to him about that.
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTM2ODcwNTYxMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNTc4MzUxMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR2,0,214,317_AL_.jpg
If I had to live in Houston, I wouldn’t believe in a God too.
Oh damn.
You might find it in yourself to pray to Eastexpresswaius, the Texan god of bad air and traffic.
Yoo no. there was another Aryan who became an atheist: Hitler. we all know what happened too him. right.
Puts pendant helmet on.
Hitler was not an atheist.
Take pendant helmet off.
Gets hit by incoming tide.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/3724bf0e19f9d3d3b96d698c7bbe662b/tumblr_njonous51y1sc8zxzo2_r1_250.gif
He also wasn’t aryan.
Is it that we are godless, blasphemous, pant-wearing-women, sodomites in SF that explains why the Niners will suck unprecedented amounts of ass? Dios castiga.
I think it’s more that God is anti-tattoo. Jesus was cool with the SF-types.
He was OK with them for four Super Bowls, but got pissed when Bill Musgrave was a backup QB.
HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU, COCKWALLET! YOU CAN’T RUN AN ARTICLE ABOUT NFL CHRISTIANS WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT ME AND MY SUPER SALVATION SPERM!
–Marmalard
http://myfunnymemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Bender-Speaks-To-God-About-Running-a-Civilization-In-Space-On-Futurama.png
Meanwhile- Melvin Gordon, the league’s most Jewish running back, has already proclaimed that he will be investing all of his signing bonus very responsibly and that he will be “very careful out there” on the field per his grandmother Booobeh’s request
Meanwhile- Ameer Abdullah, the league’s most Islamic running back, has already proclaimed all other players in the league “infidels” and promises to have a very “explosive” performance on the field
/99 virgins praise allah
The Apostle Gronk has a nice ring to it.
Explains the logo.
http://logonoid.com/images/jagermeister-logo.jpg
False, not even God cares about the Texans
The AFC south has more than 1 team + J.J. Watt and a really cool mascot that dances in a parking lot of broken glass.
That’s not possible.