Your “I Think We’ve Hit The Dregs of Sports” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Sunday Gravy‘s going to have to work on dough recipes now, because there’s a new official pizza of the NFL!
    • 24 hours after Papa John’s withdrew, Pizza Hut is your new official grease-bread.
      • their deal runs through 2021, one year longer than the Papa John’s contract.
    • Hilariously, Pizza Hut’s first official event will be at the Draft in Arlington.
      • Because Jerry Jones is an investor in a franchisee that owns 94 Papa John’s outlets, and the Cowboys have their own side agreement with Papa John’s.
  • Muhammad Wilkerson has been cut by the Jets.
    • He still counts as $6 million against their cap, but they save $11 million, so…victory?
      • He’d look pretty in a Seahawks jersey, alongside Sheldon Richardson, but they don’t even have the cap space to sign me – let alone a guy who expects to be paid $12-16 million.
  • Ryan Shazier has been officially shelved for the 2018 season.
    • Although expected, to hear the GM officially shut him down still forces the Steelers to have to coldly move on.
  • Also expected: Mike Glennon will be released by the Bears.
    • He walks away with “only” $18.5 million of the $45 million he signed for, after playing in 4 whole games.
      • But at least he had a good view of the Bears future at QB.

  • There will officially be a “Josh McDaniels” rule starting next season.
    • The League is changing its hiring guidelines so teams can actually sign head coaches that are still involved in playoff action.
      • Rather than having to rely on a verbal commitment until the end of that team’s run.
  • Just when you though ESPN had found rock-bottom in terms of content when it broadcast the American Cornhole League on Monday night, the NFL Network says “hold my beer”.
    • The NFL Network has reached a deal to broadcast 11 games of the American Flag Football League between June 29 & July 19.
      • Featured coaches are Terrell Owens & Michael Vick.
    • On the subject of the ACL, check out their webpage. Naturally, it’s sponsored by Johnsonville Brats.
      • It looks like I owe e-sports an apology – there are lesser things that qualify as “sports”.
        • But they do have conferences & badges.

Finally, farewell Matt Forte.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Islanders at Habs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Red Wings at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Flames at Avalanche – 9:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at Magic – 7:00PM | TSN
    • Warriors at Wizards – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Rockets at Clippers – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Mississippi at Kentucky – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Pittsburgh at Notre Dame – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Villanova at Seton Hall – 8:30PM | FS1
    • Houston at SMU – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Florida State at Clemson – 9:00PM | ESPNU

Don’t forget – the Combine starts Friday. SO MANY OUT DRILLS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently Scott Pruitt is saying he plans to fly coach on his next trip. I’ve seen it suggested that people should assault him, but that is dumb because then he will have an excuse not to fly coach anymore. Instead, whoever is lucky enough to sit next to him should do nice subtle things to annoy him that don’t rise to the level of justifying a first class upgrade. Let’s brainstorm!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fart a lot.

ballsofsteelandfury

FART IN HIS GENERAL DIRECTION!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eat chips or crackers and get crumbs everywhere.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Make him get up like six times so you can use the bathroom.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Buckle your seatbelt the wrong way so that he gets stuck with two similar ends.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Spill a drink on him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Act like HE is the one annoying you and pay the most obese person on the plane $20 to switch seats with you.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Watch something with lots of bright colors and flashing lights (say, the Speed Racer movie?) on your laptop.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Clip your toenails

WCS

This is easy: get the seats directly behind him, keep Lil’er WCS up all day so she’s nice and screamy, and tell Lil’ WCS that the seat directly in front of her likes to be kicked. All the time. It’s like a back rub for the chair, so don’t quit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, and then film him throwing a tantrum and yelling at some poor six year-old!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Talk about how the EPA’s mission is important

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Get a deck of cards and play solitaire and make a point of dropping a card between his feet every time you shuffle and asking him to get it for you.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would go without saying that you should misread your seat assignment and sit in his seat, but that only works if you somehow know in advance where he’ll be sitting.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A plane full of giant, gassy Samoans.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know why I cared enough to watch this game, but fuck it I can go to bed now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So Trump doesn’t drink, GWB didn’t drink…any other presidents?

WCS

William Henry Harrison never had a chance, either way.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Matt Forte was severely underrated and deserves celebration.

That will be all.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If he doesn’t live in a treehouse called Fort Forte I will be severely disappointed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Lundqvist seems to be doing his best Scott Sterling impersonation tonight, facemask saves for all!

Senor Weaselo

Also because the “new-look” Rangers are still giving up approximately 800 shots.

King Hippo

SPARTANS WIN!!! 64-62! Suck on THAT, Utah State!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Unordinary Time!
Buddy Cole's Unordinary Time!

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Senor Weaselo

“No, that was from looking at her.” -Rex Grossman

King Hippo

George W Bush was at the SMU/Hou game. He goes to lots of ballgames now, so we would probably get along fine. Funny how thoughtful and reflective he looks (and even seems) in comparison to the Lunatic Wannabe Mussolini we have now.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH

Just because he looks like a normal human being doesn’t change the fact that he’s a cruel idiot and a war criminal.

Buddy Cole's Unordinary Time!
Buddy Cole's Unordinary Time!

Meh

Senor Weaselo

I believe that still manages to prove Hippo’s point.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Dude.

we would probably get along fine

King Hippo

now that HE JUST GOES TO BALLGAMES and tried to get HillyBob elected. I’d talk to him mostly about sports. My guess is that he really wan’t trying to be evil, though he did plenty of evil shit by way of being in a position of power he had no business being in.

WCS

W.’s a moron, who went by whatever Cheney, Rumsfeld, and/or Wolfowitz told him. He does seem like the kind of guy you’d have drinks with, and share general bullshit. However, that doesn’t make him qualified to run the country.

Sadly, our Cheetoh-In-Chief seems like the kind of guy who’d mansplain why ordering an ice tea “was just nawt smahrt.” This is the guy who teetotals.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

No. Fuck that. No.

Wakezilla

Nah, Dubbya was a racist piece of shit who made a series of decisions that allowed house to get Agent Orange.

King Hippo

San Jose State is 3-24, 0-16 in conference. I am irrationally invested in GAMBLOR-ing their way into a win. No earthly goddamned idea why.

2 points up on Utah State on they Senior Night (+290), 4 and change to play.

King Hippo

Johnny Cakes win in 2OT! The Year of Weaselo continues apace.

(no moneys here)

Senor Weaselo

If this is the Year of Weaselo, I shudder to think what a not-year of Weaselo is.

nomonkeyfun

I shudder to think what a not-year of Weaselo is.

House Harkonen hogs the Earth supply of spice. The Baron was a fatty.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Should I order pizza?

King Hippo

your shoulder devils will always say yes!

ballsofsteelandfury

Listen to the Hippo

King Hippo

that is usually followed by a civil commitment hearing of some varietal.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The only question is 1 or 2.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

2

King Hippo

was Chris Mullin’s skin always this disgusting?

nomonkeyfun

Cocaine is a helluva drug.

WCS

Greetings from Wheeling, WV, where I get to babysit my six-year-old niece, three-year-old nephew, and both Lil’ WCS and Lil’er WCS until Saturday.. Due to a perfect shitfactory of events, I’ll be doing this mostly solo.

WHY HELLO COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF BOOZE

King Hippo

also working in your favour – it’s WV, ain’t no such libtard notions like “child neglect” out yonder

WCS

Maybe in Doddridge or Calhoun County. Wheeling is just a Rust Belt satellite of Yinzburgh; there are laws here. Unfortunately.

King Hippo

well sheeeeeeit, that is unfortunate. What good is leaving Dad in charge if there isn’t a safe space for ’em to go feral?

nomonkeyfun

At least you can send the older ones to school now.

WCS

See, that’s the rub here: teachers across the state are on strike. I get ’em all.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
litre_cola

Evening from a shithole in the middle of Albertastan, hope you are all well.

King Hippo

terrorist training camp?

litre_cola

Redneck capital of this fair province. Red Deer.

ballsofsteelandfury

What the hell are you doing halfway between Edmonton and Calgary?

litre_cola

Work. Their system is a mess. Went to wing night at a local bar and I have more teeth than the rest of the bar.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

#HockeyLyfe

rockingdog
rockingdog

Warriors get the win over Washington. kind of sad John Wall didn’t play….

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, CLEVELAND!

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Someone intimately familiar with the term “High as shit.”

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Bad dog! Get your own bitch!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That wall of text is painful to read.

Anyway, wait for iiittttt …

https://gfycat.com/AdoredAngryDonkey
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Shit. The Cup O Noodle’s noodle isn’t as obvious in gif form.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, it is.

rockingdog
rockingdog
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!

litre_cola

If it was in Calgary I would apply.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Balls makes a pit stop on the way to Vegas.

ballsofsteelandfury

Damn right!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You look great in lingerie. These new cars with the small trunks; you have to break a body up to make it fit right.

King Hippo

JV hoopsball YOOOOOUUUUSTON plays incredible defense and is quite athletic. Could be a sneaky tourney side.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

You and I discussed this a few weeks ago. They are our football Wyoming bet.

King Hippo

I listened to wise Canuck. Made $200 on ’em tonight, in addition to George Mason’s $335 ML tip-in winner with a second left.

King Hippo

Bearistocrats! release Willie Young. Fuck right off, Chi****.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It would make her sad.

King Hippo

and sad daughters don’t suck Daddy Dearest off…well, at least not the way he LIKES

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, you see the joke is….. fuck, never mind.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Wakezilla

Here’s my hot taek:

Given today’s news about the 2026 NAFTA World Cup bid being in peril, I say Canada and Mexico should do a joint bid

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Go on…

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

My Hotest Taek…if Trump causes the US to not have to give money to fucking FIFA…then he is finally done something I can get behind…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That’s not a hot take. It’ll just get warped like all of his decent ideas.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Washington Wizards making moves before the half….

Spur
Spur

There will be blood is on HDNet, just started.

King Hippo

that was just deliciously fucked up. Also the working title for RayRay’s HoF speech

rockingdog
rockingdog

Yo whats good?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, this Goodell-Jones feud is football’s version of Kushner-Bannon. Or Kushner-Kelly. Or Kushner-Bateman.

Spur
Spur

Go Spurs Go

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I once went to a godawful wing fest.

Seriously…the only time my eyes watered was when the cops started macing the jackasses getting into a fist fight over the corn hole tournament being played and the shit wafted over the crowed watching.

Buddy Cole's Unordinary Time!
Buddy Cole's Unordinary Time!

The worst wing fest I ever went to was when I saw Sully

ballsofsteelandfury

AFL preseason tonight!!

King Hippo

meh…I bet 4 bills on UVA -4 at Louisville now that tomorrow’s ATS lines are out. All the excitement I could muster.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

/Loved “Wild at Heart” when it first came out

//wouldn’t even bother watching right now on the Canuck Sundance Channel

ballsofsteelandfury

So, what happens if I STICK IT?

Col. Duke LaCross

POWERMAD!!