2018 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Preview

*Camera goes on to reveal Donald Trump inside Trump Tower late at night. Trump is holding and reading from his ipad, with a smile on his face, until he reads the latest headline on AOL's main page* Trump in a sarcastic voice: Oh you really nailed me there, Oliver. I've been

The 2018 Miami Dolphins Preview: Where Hope goes to Die

Do you like the national anthem controversy? Well then I have a team for you! In a desperate act to get people to stop associating their team with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, the Miami Dolphins have now become associated with fascism. Way to go guys! Last season, Kenny Stills, Donkey Kong

Final thoughts: The 2018 World Cup comes to an end

The dust has been settled, the alcohol from Sunday has finally worn off and the teams have gone home. It's time for some concluding thoughts about this World Cup. Where do you rank this World Cup? Balls: I've said it before,  but I honestly think it's the Best World Cup EVAR! I've

World Cup Reflection: A round table discussion of what has happened so far

Inside an empty DFO boardroom, the door flies open In walks Downton Abbey actor, Jim Carter, wearing his traditional Carson outfit Carter: All rise for the current fantasy DFO World Cup of Lesser footy leader. . . as of July 5th, 2018, Master, Wakezilla. In walks the King amongst men, Wakezilla. Wakezilla

Farewell, Sweet Prince: World Cup Day 13

Good morning! Thank you for coming. I hope you had your cup of Joe and are ready for some intense lesser footy action. Group C and D will finish their group play today. As I was on my way home from work yesterday, I began reflecting on which World Cups I

Russia 2018–World Cup Day 3: Father’s Day Edition

Feliz Dia del Padre everyone! Unlike in North America where Father’s Day is celebrated on the 3rd Sunday of June, most Latin American countries celebrate Father’s Day on June 17th. Yes, no matter what day it is, as long as it is the 17th of June, it’s Father’s Day. Short story: Long

World Cup 2018 Japan Preview: A Monstrous Mess

Japan is a really cool country that everyone should visit in their lifetime because it has just about everything a person can ask for. It's an ancient culture that is on the cutting age of technology. And they have a ton of weird shit--including sea creatures that eat from their ass.

World Cup 2018 Panama Preview: The Dirtiest Players in the Game

Panama is an interesting team (on paper) because their World Cup tournament could go one of two ways. The first way is what most people are predicting: the oldest and arguably least talented squad in the tournament is going to finish last and will be lucky to score a goal.

World Cup 2018 South Korea Preview: So you’re saying there’s a chance

*Scene opens to a pitch black room. All you can see is black and the sounds of an older man grunting* Old Man breathing heavily: Oh yeah, that little black dress is getting a little uncomfortable. Take it off, baby. *The sound of pumping Vaseline can be heard* OM: Oh yeah, almost there,

World Cup 2018 Brazil Preview: The Redeem Team

Brazil is a scary, scary team. In the 2014 World Cup, Brazil was in an awkward transition stage where the lost/disgraceful generation of Brazilian players stepped down for the new era of players to take over. Most notably, despite being 22 years old, Brazil became Neymar’s team. This in itself

World Cup 2018 Croatia Preview: It feels a little like ’98

It seems like yesterday when I was a kid watching Croatia make their World Cup debut in 1998. I remember thinking their checkered jerseys were cool. Combine those sweet uniforms with Davor Šuker's cheeky skills and I was rooting for Croatia during their magical 3rd place finish. I think there is a great