We have a semi! Your England vs Netherlands Euro 2024 open thread

Today’s semi-finals feature the Dutch Ovens against the Tea and Crumpets, a matchup so significant that even the racists of each country temporarily set aside their issues with having non-white players on their squad.

This will be the fourth meeting between England and the Netherlands at a major tournament. The Oranje and the Three Lions have each claimed one victory (in Euro 1988 and 1996 respectively), while their encounter in the 1990 World Cup ended in a draw. Some of you may remember that the Dutch ovens beat the Tea and Crumpets in the Nations League, but like I said, a major tournament.

The Flying Dutch ovens are reminiscent of the Andy Reid-era Philadelphia Eagles because they tend to lose in the conference finals. England is comparable to the Dallas Cowboys in that they were once dominant but haven’t had success in decades.

As a fan of Satan’s favorite team, this is a tough game to root for a side. The Dutch have a lot of LiVARpool players on their team, while England just play boring football. Plus, there’s been growing rumblings that Southgate will become Man United’s new gaffer once Ten Fraud inevitably shits the bed and United are out of everything by December. I guess that makes me want England to win? Plus, England has future United GOAT Kobbie Mainoo, who has done nothing but play well and still gets racially harassed by England’s media. Shades of Daniel Sturridge. If England loses, he’ll likely become the main target of racial hate crimes, and we can’t allow that. He’s a Prince who must be defended at all costs, damn it!
Here are the predicted lineups:

Tea and Crumpets:

Pickford; Walker, Stones, Guehi; Saka, Mainoo, Rice, Shaw; Foden, Bellingham; Kane.

Fake Germans:

Verbruggen; Dumfries, De Vrij, Van Dijk, Ake; Schouten, Reijnders; Malen, Simons, Gakpo; Depay.

Voorspelling:

A boring 0-0 game that goes to PKs, where the Brits win.

Enjoy.