World Cup of (Slave Labour) Croatia Preview: You will Nazi them coming

The last time I did a write-up for Croatia, I correctly said they would be a formidable opponent who would make a deep run in the 2018 World Cup. Many of us hopped on the bandwagon and briefly fell in-lust over their President, Kolinda Grabar-Kitarovic, who seemed quite lovely, but turned out to be a right-wing nut.

Croatia enters this tournament playing great lesser footy. They’re unbeaten in their last 16 matches, and recently finished first in the sham UEFA Nations League group tournament – beating France, Denmark and Austria.

Here’s a quick run-down of Croatia:

World ranking: 12

Strengths: Croatia has one of the best midfield corps in the tournament: Marcelo Brozovic will be the holding man, flanked with Kovacic and Luka Modric.

Weakness: Despite Croatia being one of the sex model capitals of the world, this team has a hard time scoring.

Why you should cheer for Croatia: Around 90% of this team is from the 2018 squad and they’re still seen as the underdogs. This team is good enough to win the whole thing. Also, if you like to gamble, the +5000 odds to win the World Cup (11th best in the tournament), makes them worth putting a twenty on. Furthermore, if you’re of the religious persuasion, their manager, Zlatko Dalic, is extremely religious. Like, prays with the rosary during games and makes pilgrimages to famous Catholic churches, religious.

Why you shouldn’t cheer for Croatia: Aside from playing Canada in Group F, Croatia has been a huge fan of Nazis since World War II. The Ustasa party that was in-charge of Croatia from 1941-1945 and oversaw the infamous Jasenovac concentration camp– where according to estimates by the US Holocaust Memorial Museum, between 77,000 and 99,000 people were murdered– are currently being whitewashed in Croatian society. Consequently, Holocaust denial is becoming more accepted, which also lead to this.

The ideas of ethnic supremacy that are currently prevalent today in Croatia have exacerbated since Croatia’s War of Independence (1991-1995, which was in-between the Yugoslav wars of the 1990s). This has led to former left-wing, now right-wing alignment, Andrej Plenkovic, leading member of the HDZ, to have a strangle hold on the Prime Minister title. He’s now being portrayed as a soft and friendly right-wing leader because he’s playing ball with NATO.

Additionally, if you’re not of religious persuasion, or don’t care for uppity Christians, their manager, Zlatko Dalic, is extremely religious. Like, prays with the rosary during games and makes pilgrimages to famous Catholic churches, religious.

Fun fact: Out of 26 players, only 8 have a last name that doesn’t end with a c. This is quite fitting because Croatia looks like a C on the map

Analysis:

Game 1: Morocco (November 23): Morocco are weak at central midfield, and they have issues in preventing opponents from breaking the midfield line. Croatia is going to feast on them. Croatia should get an easy win.

Game 2: Canada (November 27): Croatia will be playing a Canadian team that will be feeling themselves because they beat Belgium (Yes, I’m calling an upset in that game, baby!). Not taking this Canadian side lightly, and Canadian Gaffer, John Herdman. deciding to do a massive rotation of players so everyone gets some playing time, Croatia wins this one comfortably.

Game 3: Belgium (December 1): With only 3 points to their name, Belgium will be playing desperate lesser footy. Being already through to the next round, Croatia will relax and get a draw.

This will give Croatia 7 points and first place in group F. Croatia will likely play and defeat Spain in the round of 16, probably on penalties. From there, Croatia will lose in the quarters to Portugal because Portugal–along with Argentina and France– are probably going to be the beneficiaries of some home cooking with the officials.