Now there’s a sentence you don’t want to yell too loudly around Lindisfarne.

The Danish National Soccer team is nicknamed “The Red & Whites” in a fine display of the kind of over-the-top theatrical flair we’ve come to expect from our Scandinavian brothers and sisters.  Seriously, can’t you guys put down the Legos for a couple of minutes and workshop something a bit more exciting?  At one point your team went by Danish Dynamite, so I know you can do it.  Tunisia, one of your opponents, goes by ‘The Eagles of Carthage’!  That’s a name we can get fired up about, but The Red & Whites just makes me think Litre’s in the wine cellar again and yelling incoherently about whatever options he’s left the rest of us.  Step it up.

Boring-ass nicknames aside, the Danes are no-shit good.  Ranked 10th by FIFA, (because they didn’t have enough money to get a higher ranking, probably), the Danes have won 9 of 10 matches during qualifying, and beat France twice during the UEFA Nations League, although take that with a grain of thought, although no one really seems to have taken that contest terribly seriously.

The Danes are led by Christian Eriksen, who you may recall from his collapse due to a heart issue during the first game of the latest Euro tournament, one of the most frightening things I’ve ever seen, and which I will not be linking to.  Remarkably Eriksen is not only back he’s playing for Manchester United, (sorry about that, Christian), and if not exactly starring, getting paid pretty well.  The Red & Whites, (Jesus, I feel sleepy just typing that), can also rely on Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg, a midfielder with Tottenham, Joakim Maehle, a wingback with Atalanta, and Kasper Schmeicel, who keeps goal for Leicester City in the Premier League, at least at the moment.  These guys seem to be the old guard.

The old guard is complimented by young guns like 22-year-old Andreas Skov Olsen, an attacking midfielder currently plying his trade with the Belgian team Club Brugge, but with any success at the World Cup likely to be moving to the bigger leagues.  I don’t have a source for that; it’s just what seems to happen.  Anyway, Olsen had 5 goals and 6 assists in nine matches with his current squad, so he’ll be likely missed when the Bundesliga comes calling in January.

The sense I’m getting from reading the Danish previews is that a) Entemann’s raspberry twist is the best, and b), the Danish Men’s National Team is a free-flowing bunch with a good mixture of old and young, but inconsistent at finishing goal-scoring opportunities and maybe a little too old in goal, with Schmeicel a decrepit 36.  They should produce entertaining soccer, overwhelm lesser teams, but perhaps have trouble keeping up with the higher-ranked teams, if not with the pace of play than with the (somewhat more important) ability to score goals when it really matters.

Denmark is playing in Group D, (for Denmark!  It’s fate!), with matches against Tunisia, (Nov. 22, 8:00 am EST), France, (Nov. 26, 11:00 am), and Australia, (Nov. 30, 10:00 am).  They should beat Australia and Tunisia fairly handily, although Ione underestimates The Eagles of Carthage at one’s peril.  I don’t really know that, I just assume that one would do so given that bad-ass nickname, especially when one’s own nickname is basically a description of laundry.

France would be another story.  As noted above the Danes beat them twice in the UEFA Nations League, but that’s not exactly the World Cup, and safe to say that the French are going to be a bit more motivated in this tournament.  France is ranked 4th in the world, and with Kylian M’bappe they have a top 3 player, and top 2 head case, in the world.  That’s a tough go for any team, and when you consider the Danes are likely to be a bunch of pale Norsemen playing in 110 heat, that much more so.

I think the most likely outcome for the Danes is wins against Tunisia and Australia and a loss to France in one of the more exciting early round games.  They finish second in the Group, which unfortunately apparently means they would get Argentina in the opening round of the knock-out games, which would probably mean a quick trip back to the peninsula.

I have a soft-spot for the Danes, being part Danish, (possibly Norwegian based on a genetics test my father took, but who’s counting genetics, right?), myself, so that outcome I’d prefer is wins against Tunisia and Australia, and then if not out-right beating France, getting a draw and then winning the Group on goal differential.  This would allow for a second round opponent like Mexico or Poland, and a likely advance to face England or (giggle) the USofA.

But if I were a betting man I’d say the former rather than the latter.

Anyway, as they say in Denmark, “ask me again what a Great Dane eats and I’ll kick your ass.”  Not sure what that has to do with soccer, but here’s to (groan) The Red & Whites kicking some ass.

Sources from here, here, and here.