Monday Nighter Open Thread

Welcome back to the NFL’s INJURY-RAMA! Spin the wheel and take your chances! Will it be an anchor of the offensive line like Phil Loadholt? Maybe it’s a volume wide receiver like Jordy Nelson! With just a little extra bad luck maybe someone will nail your starting QB!  Although I kinda think it was just a matter of time with RG3-he’s got to get the hell out of DC and just hand the job over to one of his cousins. They say that exhibition games are meaningless but where else are you going to practice being drunk for the regular season, Wheel of Fortune? Not if you’ve got any self-respect you aren’t. Here we go…

Cincy at Tampa Bay: I’m sure there’s some obscure corner of the internet that has some insightful nuggets about the Bucs but I couldn’t find it in twenty minutes and the rice was ready for supper. So, Jameis Winston needs to improve. There is no rb evenly remotely close to supplanting Doug Martin who I feel is a serviceable back but I guess when you have a small amount of something you tend to think it’s nothing. Is that how that saying goes? [shrugs shoulders] The one, the only Seth Lobato will spell The Giraffe at some point. Many starting qb’s have been replaced by the next new thing but for Mike Glennon it’s a much longer way down than most.

Looks as though Gingerback will get about 25 snaps or so and then we get to see AJ McCarron. Do you mamember that guy from Alabama that finished 2nd in Heisman voting in 2013 to…Jameis Winston! Oh, the ties that tenuously bind us in the sports world. (that sports writers get such a big kick out of) A big shout out to Jeremy Hill who took forever to pass that short guy as the #1 back for the Bengals and then led me to two fantasy…oh never mind. Expect to hear absolutely nothing about Michael Bennett, a undrafted white kid trying his very darnedest to make the team at wr/te. He’s number 80 in the program and number 1 in Cincy sports writer’s groins.

 

 

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King Hippo

Moonbatting is here!!! All teh Donks are assembling…

Moonbatting Average

Love you madly, Hippo

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I know a lot of these are just redheads. I have to be SFW now. It is taking work to find those.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Redshirt

Even when Dalton does good, it still ends up bad.

You can’t fight fate!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
King Hippo

MY FAVOURITE

/sorry for the caps, am drinkin

Moonbatting Average

When did you become a subject of the Queen, with your fancy “OU”s?

King Hippo

It has to do with Everton, the NC State of the EPL. To be a good guest, I tried to follow their conventions when posting on NSNO.co.uk. Some things just really felt right, and I continued to keep with me in my regular, ugly American life, Mostly, the abbreviation FFS, the extra “u,” and stating the date like 24 August.

Plus, the extra chance to look like a dickhole is just too awesome to pass up.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I will say she is my favourite of the night too. I give you the u because I agree so much

Sill Bimmons

welp

Redshirt

Damn it! (looks for dancing shoes)

Redshirt

Ah. That knee isn’t supposed to bend that way.

Moonbatting Average

Sill and/or Balls: please boot me from the DFO 20-team league. I just found out that I have to move on the 31st, and I don’t want to clog up the works with an auto-draft (even though there’s a good chance an auto-draft would do better than me). Sorry for the inconvenience ?

Sill Bimmons

I’m thinking of going league-wide autodraft because the scoring is so ridiculous.

Moonbatting Average

Sweet! We can just look on in horror!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

NOOO! I was looking forward to reading, then caring about the rules and sitting through a 20 team draft. Somehow make what I just said not sound sarcastic. Autodraft will make it a pain to care at all. It is already gonna be mostly luck, the draft would be fun to see who actually predicts players

Moonbatting Average

If you’re going full auto, I’m still in. Let me know

Sill Bimmons

20 was all Yahoo would let me do.

I wanted it to be 32.

...

You’re mad.

But I like it.

Covalent Blonde

Yikes. Good luck with the move!

Sill Bimmons

Draft was also moved to Tuesday, Sept. 8th at 9:00 ET.

So no worries either way.

Redshirt

New Theory: Bengals are solar powered. That’s why they struggle in primetime games. Post season games are because its winter and the sun is over the Southern Hemisphere.

Moonbatting Average
WCS

Good to see Cincy in mid-season form.

Jethro

Post-season form.

Redshirt

My liver too.

Sill Bimmons

Don’t you think that they should play preseason games backwards?

Scrubs at the beginning, starters at the end?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Would it really matter in this game?

WCS

I think they should play them backwards. Running in reverse, passes going the opposite direction… Aaron Brooks would be an All-Pro!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Got distracted for a minute so I mostly missed Ginger sighting 3

http://bouncebreak.com/gif/bounce/oZuV8.gif

Jethro

Goddammit motherfucker fuckity fuck fuck.

Sill Bimmons

When you fry ham in bacon fat it tastes like bacon.

Redshirt

The TB Punter didn’t punted in High School or College?

King Hippo

Heir to the Gay Beer fortune ,, no ofence

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

AJ Hawk. We will keep highlighting him even though he is terrible. Did you forget about him since time we highlighted him 2 drives ago… oh, you did. Well fuck you AJ Hawk is gonna be good this year finally.

Redshirt

How could a team commit three penalties on one play?

WCS

Your a fan of the Bungles, so, I figured by this point you’d never underestimate their HERPtitude.

Covalent Blonde

Even for preseason, this is a bit unexpected.

King Hippo

So…now that the Aqua Teens are done for reals…Carl will still make his stone cold locks uh da century uh da week? Right????

Covalent Blonde

Oh, god. I hope so!

WCS
Jethro

Andy Dalton: just enough competence to piss you off.

King Hippo

Slightly too competent to be replaced.

See also Flacco, Joe.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ginger sighting number 2

http://36.media.tumblr.com/f4224c5d5d3ea85bdf5b3ee02fede565/tumblr_nsjzr0rEWk1uycf5uo1_500.jpg

(yeah, I am early, going for a cig, be back after the 3 and out)

King Hippo

Scooby-Doo can doo doo…

WCS

He’s definitely aggressive; doesn’t take “no” as an answer.

King Hippo

NO MEANS HARF!

WCS

2nd and 30? NFL BLITZ

King Hippo

I think this is officially DFO’s first NFL BLITZ joke!

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!

Old School Zero

/hits switch-tackle thirty times after the play to pile on and make the announcers bleep-swear

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I could’ve sworn that I heard “diastebacle” from NFL Blitz 2000.

Well, maybe I’m crazy…
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loxaasOe4X1qm806vo1_500.gif

Covalent Blonde

It’s like he was the No. 1 draft pick or something? Weird.

Redshirt

Its just a preseason game.
Its just a preseason game.
Its just a preseason game.

King Hippo

I am trying not to worry re PeyPey too.

King Hippo

I really do not see the appeal of televised little league

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
WCS

jaMEis winston had to ekep ti and scor himself leik the gloree boy he is smdh gobdless

Covalent Blonde

Ohnoez, baby! Student emails will do that to me, too!

Sill Bimmons

I see AJ Hawk remains useless as ever.

Sill Bimmons

BREAK UP THE BUCS

King Hippo

They must think they’re the goddamned Dirt Stillers and also NAWT allowed to ever goddamned lose ever again.

Goddamnit.

Sill Bimmons

I meant the football Buccaneers in an ironic sense.

King Hippo

I know. el beisbol pstd

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

WCS

comment image

Sup, G?

Sill Bimmons

Bucs 2-0 WHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

WCS

“I love Buffalo Wield Wrings! It’s my Flav-O-Rite Sparks Bar!”

— Emmitt Smith

...

Are sports bars across suburbia so awful that Buffalo Wild Wings appears to be a really good sports bar?

Covalent Blonde

Actually… yes. In suburbia, finding a bar with Red Zone, Center Ice, and shows the Dodgers in SoCal is more challenging than you may think. Also, it is because the other two bars available are Applebee’s and Red Robin.

...

Guh.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Unless you know where to look for one, yes for everywhere in Wisconsin. And I live in Appleton that has 10 straight blocks of bars on both sides of the street as our main street. Sorry, it also has the hotel that houses whatever team plays the Packers that week, the rest are bars.

...

Christ. I pity all of you.

Covalent Blonde

Poor Dalton. No DNA test required to figure out who was responsible for leaving pubes on the soap.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

After I saw that interview. I do not miss Lovie as our coach. I also still don’t miss Trestman, Jauron or Wannstedt.

Covalent Blonde

Glad to see ESPN pregrame is fine season form!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They laughed off the idea of Schefter getting fired. I was at half mast imagining it really happening.

King Hippo

At least Marvin is wearing tight duo dry over his gut, so I was able to finish.

ssi_bulldawg

48 left in this game?

Redshirt

The local Cincinnati sports media is doing their best to create a QB Controversy. The latest reason is “Dalton is so timid. McCarron walked around like he’s the baddest M.F.er who ever walked the Practice Field.”

Ladies and Gentleman, my 2015 Cincinnati Bengals!

(cracks opens can of beer)

VonTazeMeBro

Oh yeah, I forgot we were within somewhat close proximity!

...

Has a team that’s averaged 10-wins a season over four years ever felt so bad?

King Hippo

This needs a CBQUE “What say yeewwww” SEC Komment

WCS

http://i.cdn.turner.com/asfix/repository//8a25c39215b8f3910115ba5794c40045/thumbnail_7984817452938750843.jpg

School’s back in session, which means ol’ WCS is back to work. Guess who’s going to get wasted and respond to students’ stupid questions?

TONIGHT!

VonTazeMeBro

Refresh me, what do you teach?

Covalent Blonde

Hard Knocks 101

VonTazeMeBro

Of course, silly me. Carry on

VonTazeMeBro

I’m so fucking excited, I haven’t been able to have a beer during a Bengals game in OVER A YEAR

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So… first game in a year for you?

WCS

O VONTZAE GON DRANK O YEZZZ SHE DO BULLEEEEE DAT
CHUH CHUH

King Hippo

I was gonna ask if that was your Lamaze photo. Thanks for stealing my only Komment idea.

Covalent Blonde

And Cincy groins are pretty impressive! Especially in relationship to sports writers.

VonTazeMeBro

I have a problem with you using my photo for this header dude. Totally not cool

Covalent Blonde

But that tiger looks so good with your legs!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You look sexy, who is your friend in the dress laying on you?

VonTazeMeBro

Uhh, you’re not the sex bag?

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