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COLLEGE FOOTBALL KICKOFF OPEN THREAD

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

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Time for meaningful organized football again, at least at the college level.

These match-ups are probably the most worthwhile tonight:

1. North Carolina – South Carolina: COCKS!!!!!! Once again the FBS commences with Steve Spurrier growing increasingly frustrated on the sidelines.

2. Michigan – Utah: Crazy Harbs returns to the college scene with a tough game at Utah, a very respectable Pac-12 team. It will probably be a year or two until Crazy Harbs has Michigan into full-on Crazy-Harbs War Mode. But I will look forward to him sending Urban Meyer packages of anthrax-laced small dead animals during his tenure.

3. TCU – Minnesota: I really like TCU, I really hope the NCAA does not fuck them out of a playoff spot in place of a blue-blood.

LETS GO BLOOD EYES!!!!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Who’s staying up with me to watch Colorado-Hawaii?!?!?

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ballsofsteelandfury

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Jake Butt sounds like the protagonist from an 80s action trilogy.

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

I wonder if Harbaugh makes a cut on his arm everytime he loses and mutters “soon, this ignominy shall be avenged!”

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ballsofsteelandfury

Go suck a nut, Harbaugh!

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blordinaryfagicmox

Bunting on the edge? I like my bunting front and center
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/6105heQ7P0L._SL1500_.jpg

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blordinaryfagicmox

Is Arizona playing? Doesnt matter:
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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Wait, does Fox Sports 1 have Colin Cowherd, Dave Wannstedt, and Matt Leinert as their commentary booth, Christ on a fucking stick.

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King Hippo

So we will know where to direct the tactical nuclear strike?

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

C’mon Hippo they are the Chinese knock-off versions of Skip Bayless, an 80s villian, and a USC washout (damn so many of those running around nowaday) just send in an A-10 strike, don’t waste valuable nuclear ordnance on such a non-stragetic target. We might need that nuke to wipe out Chris Berman.

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King Hippo

True, he’s more likely to be resistant to conventional weaponry.

SECN has a truly delightful shitshow. Vandy 3, Western Kentucky 0, late in the 3rd. No bad weather, just ineptitude aplenty.

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laserguru

Apart from the fact that nobody can tackle or throw a decent pass, this is just like real football.

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Spur

Michigan’s D-Line is no joke so far. Let’s see if they can keep it up.

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Spur

HE’S CLAPPING LIKE BRADY HOKE!!!!!!!!!!

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Instead of stoning, does Spurrier throw his visor at someone repeatedly as a punishment for poor play.

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Spur

Michigan running the 80s sweep play

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Spur

TCU is gonna rape some gophers.

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King Hippo

Betcha they run up the score something fierce this season. Maybe even hit 100 sometime.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gig em.

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King Hippo

Hee hee, Meeeeechigan has a guy named Jake Butt.

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King Hippo

I’m too mad watching the Chickens derp all over the field. Gonna listen to Gus Johnson scream about Team Secular Big Love (hopefully) kicking the shit out of Harbs.

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Who’d win a Harbaugh-Johnson shouting match?

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King Hippo

Johnson. Harbs would eventually get frustrated and stroke out.

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laserguru

North Carolina’s head coach looks like a raging cock pocket. They need to throw a few flags on these fucking prima Donnas.

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King Hippo

I hope my envisioned “laugh at Harbaugh” time works out better than the first game has. Godfuckingdamnit.

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Jesus Spurriers had to use 3 QBs already, and none of them were prematurely yanked.

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Sill Bimmons

Red Zone is free for everyone tonight!

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Is that the equivalent to free lap dances from the early Tuesday afternoon strip club retinue?

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King Hippo

+1 lazy eye

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Salty Nut.

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King Hippo

I think that dude with the ginger coed on his knee already busted his…

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

So on a scale of 1 to 10, how douchey is Jesse Palmer.

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WCS

Alright, because I’m a masochist, I’m off to watch the 14th-string Steelers bounce off the 5th stringer Panthers in person. Enjoy the Diet Football, ya fucknuts and ladies.

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King Hippo

PharaohDOWN!!!!

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sunrisesunrise

Watching this game via SkyCam on ESPN3. No announcers. It’s beautiful.

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sunrisesunrise

No replays though. Only downfall so far.

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WCS

Who knew Mitch Conner survived his suicide attempt, and grew up to be South Carolina’s new QB?

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

I’ve always loved Spurrier’s absolute mistrust in his QBs.

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King Hippo

Even at 70, he’s pretty sure he could still do better.

This season, he just might be right.

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King Hippo

Spurrier’s new QB is goddamned awful.

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sunrisesunrise

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Damn, Spurrier nearly had a chance to yank him out of the game.

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WCS

HAHHAHAHAHAHAH FUCK UNC

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King Hippo

I wish I could like this a few hundred times. It’s the narrative equivalent of a Sweet Dee gif.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t even think Jones is from Indiana.

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King Hippo

I also like teh Kaylee.

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King Hippo

Also, I agree. TCU is cool, and really got fucked over last season.

There’s hilarious shit tonight, too. Like Duke at Tulane, played before like 200-300 random winos who straggled in to get away from the humidity.

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King Hippo

We will be watching you with mild interest, ye hopeful junior varsity NFL interns!

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King Hippo

FUCK CAROLINA!!!!

Oh, shit. I have to be more specific tonight.

FUCK BLUE CAROLINA!!!!!

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sunrisesunrise

Utah and TCU. Both went to greener pastures. Waiting for Boise St. to do the same so that the MWC will dissolve and San Diego State will end up playing in the Big Sky or Pioneer League.

/Go Aztecs
//at least the new unis are cool https://twitter.com/GoAztecs/status/628613330349854720/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc^tfw

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The Maestro

I’m actually excited to see how Michigan does this year. Think I’m gonna make the trek south of the border to catch a game or two live hopefully; my buddy’s doing his Ph.D in math there. Somehow, this means his IQ is equal to pretty much the entire city of Detroit added together.

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

FOOTBALL!comment image

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