NFL Broadcast Maps, Week Seven

Behold and Quake, Week Seven is here.

Here are the broadcast maps:  Week 7, Broadcast Maps

Byes this week are Bears, Bengals, Broncos & Packers.

Prime time games are as follows:

TNF: Seahawks @ 49ers

SNF: Eagles @ Panthers

MNF: Ravens @ Cards

When the season started did any of us think the 9ers and Seahags would have the same record.  That’s what you deserve Cocky Pete. Philly-Carolina could be a decent matchup, but Philly has been a mark of inconsistent play this entire year.  I have nothing to say about the Monday Night Bird-Bowl.

As for the Sunday games we have an 8:2 balance (why God why).  Plus if you have the inclination you can also stream the Jags-Bills game during the morning.   I don’t know why we keep subjecting the limeys to the Jaguars, is it revenge for the War of 1812?

CBS early features Jets-Patriots scattered throughout most of the country.  I can only sincerely hope the Jets DL tears Dreamboat a new asshole, but it’s at Foxboro so I doubt they will be allowed within a 10 foot radius of him by the refs.   Steelers-Chiefs is featured in Appalachia, parts of the Chesapeake Bay and the Central Midwest.  Texans-Dolphins is limited to their native markets, but again, Dallas wants no part of a Texans game.  Browns-Rams are also limited to their native markets.  Raiders-Chargers is the lone CBS late game and also is our honorary FEMA-Quarantine Map game with very random allocations of broadcasts.   Indiana is this week’s Holy Roman Empire state with two non-contiguous chucks for NY-NE bookending an enclave for OAK-SD with a dab of PIT-KC and CLE-STL thrown in.

Fox features Saints-Colts in most of the country.  Bucs-[*Redacted] s are featured in most of Texas and Albany for some god-damned reason in addition to their core markets.  Vikings-Lions is confined to the Northern Mid-West.  Falcons-Titans is limited to their native markets plus Eugene.  Congrats OSZ, you are not subjected to another Titans game, bully for you.  The lone Fox game is Cowboys-Giants.  San Diego wisely refused to subject itself to a Doopening.

Enjoy.

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Sill Bimmons

This fucking thing still has four full innings left.

Sill Bimmons

Name five advertising campaigns stupider than McConaughey/Lincoln. You can’t.

entropy

The only current one I can think of is the new Mustang commercial with the chick putting a microphone behind the exhaust, and there’s a huge bank of speakers behind the car. For the life of me, I cannot figure out what they are trying to say there… the exhaust is so quiet, you need a stadium-level PA to hear it? “Behold the new Pussy Mustang?” Having to amplify the exhaust does NOT tell me it is powerful, it tells me the car has some issues.

nomonkeyfun

1. Draft Kings.
2. Fan Duel.
3. Lexus Christmas Bows.
4. Bud “proud Macro-brew.”
5. Whatever the [*Redacted] s do.
6. Tampons

blaxabbath
Brick Meathook

Conversely, name any ad campaign MORE effective than that for the “Ginsu Knife.”

Everyone has heard of the Ginsu Knife, even to this day, despite not airing a commercial in the last twenty years. Even kids too young to have ever seen an ad will likely recognize the name at least. Now THAT’S an effective ad campaign.

The company that made the Ginsu Knife was a subsidiary of a holding company called Berkshire Hathaway, which is run by a guy named Warren Buffett.

This next Superbowl, give yourself a little quiz: the next day, picture the most elaborate ad you remember from the game. Then try to remember what the hell that ad was trying to sell. I guarantee you will most likely not remember the product, which was allegedly the whole point of the ad.

Sill Bimmons

Damn.

Ginsu went and got fancy!

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blaxabbath

Point of SB ads to is take space from your competitors (Starbucks theory) as well as maximize those tax write offs that will result in your company’s top brass getting premium SB week perks.

Ugh — I’m back to hating myself for following the NFL again.

Brick Meathook

As far as stupid ad campaigns today, I’m going with GE and GEICO.

(Oddly enough, Berkshire Hathaway owns GEICO and is a major GE stockholder)

entropy

Cleveland Browns are the Factory of Sadness, Chicago Cubs are the Assembly Line of Despair.

nomonkeyfun

I would say they’re the abattoir of their fans hope

nomonkeyfun

Duda getting hot?

Lothar of the Hill People

So, I’m completely out-of-touch with baseball. Are Mets fans asshole-ish?

Because I’m wondering which team I should root for to win it all.

entropy

Well, I’m a Mets fan, so there’s your random sampling.

(In all honesty, yeah, a fair number of Mets fans are assholes, but not on the level of say, Yankees, Red Sox, or Phillies fans.)

Full disclosure: I have family ties to Chicago, and if the Mets *didn’t* win this series, I would not have been as pissed as I would have, if say, they were playing the Cards. But I definitely want MY team to win, and I can be kind of an asshole.

nomonkeyfun

Only as a matter of geography.

Sill Bimmons

Ordinarily I’d be pulling for the Cubs here, but I’m a six-year-old that wants revenge.

entropy

Jesus. Schwarber sucks. How is it that not one Cubs fan in left field has thrown a cinder block at him?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Midwestern decency

entropy

Yeah, what was that shit?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Next up, we’ll be stopping by one of New York’s famous pizza joints…”

[cut to exterior shot of Sbarro’s]

Sill Bimmons

Michael Scott approved!

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WCS

HAHAHAHA fuck the Cubs.

entropy

This is great. Really. I’m just enjoying the shit out of this.

entropy

Truth, His Right Honourable Lodd Revisisle speaks it.

entropy

Can the Dirt Jets sweep tonight? Can Sheldon Richardson rip off Dreamboat’s left quad with a vicious hit, before the NFL comes down on him for his wildly inappropriate 140 mph police chase this summer? Can I finish the last 16 beers of the 30 pack in my fridge tonight?

I believe all of these things are possible. I believe at least one of them is likely. I further believe one of them will indeed occur. But which one?! Stay tuned, batfans, for the answer after tonight’s broadcast!

entropy

3-0, top of the first. Maybe TWO things will occur!

Holy shit 4-0!! I am giggling over here.

blaxabbath

Regarding the Rat Birds vs Red Birds, since Mobtown isn’t a nearly-decent team, Arizona will not struggle with them through 3 quarters before giving the game away in the 4th.

ARI – 45
BAL – 10

blaxabbath

So Fox Late maps greys out only southern California on account of home team action on CBS. The contending game is Chargers/Raiders — yet Oakland is not grey on the map.

What I’m saying is, 506 has already relegated the Raiders to the LA market. AND SO IT SHALL BE DONE.