The Calm Before the JV NFL Storm

With European footy on another goddamned international break, it’s up to the JV ranks to carry us through this mid-November Saturday. And we are kind of in-between the mega-showdown weeks. Last week had some yuuuuuuuge matchups, and the next two (including the extended Thanksgiving smorgasboard) will be pretty incredible. More of a setup vibe this week, though there is some intrigue later in the evening.

NC State at Florida State (12:30, ACC Network)

Really not happy with this TV coverage, especially with WESTERN FUCKING CAROLINA at TAMU getting national coverage at 7 (ESPNU). Even if WCU is likely where my oldest is going to college. Anyway, I actually like the odds of my wolven sort here, as Florida State is essentially playing without a QB, and the secondary is NC State’s weak point. The Noles also have nothing to play for, and the Wolfpack have been much better on the road (and historically have been something of a bogey side for FSU). Vegas’ line reflects this, with FSU opening as only a 9.5 point favourite.

Alabama at Mississippi State (3:30, CBS)

Don’t put Saban in the playoffs just yet. The Cowbells will not be an easy out, especially in Starkville (where LSU narowly escaped on a last-second FG miss in September). A loss puts the Mad Hatter back in the driver’s seat in the SEC West, and joy in the hearts of the unaffiliated masses nationwide.

Memphis at Houston (7:00, ESPN2)

This game was totes more interesting before Memphis got ass blasted by Navy. George Carlin: “As they say in the U.S. Navy, ‘There is no wrong hole!'”

Arkansas at LSU (7:15, ESPN)

That said, the Bayou Bengals are walking into a trap of their own. Yes, it’s Death Valley at night, but Johnny Reb learned the hard way about how much Pig Sooey has improved over the course of the season (as they seemingly always do). But this season, the program has developed enough that Arkansas is a legitimate threat to the powers-that-be, even on the road. I am quite sad this fixture is no longer on the traditional Friday after Thanksgiving, when it was often entertaining as fuck even when it looked like a mismatch on paper. Boo, schedule makers.

Oregon at Stanford (7:30, Fox)

Contrasting styles, potential shootout, Gus Johnson and Molly McGrath (gun show as pictured above). What more do you fuckers want? Oh yeah, Stanford can clinch a berth in the Pac 12 title game, and a chance to force a “winner takes playoff berth” matchup there against Utah, assuming they can derail the assholes of Notre Dame.

BYU vs. Missouri (7:30, SEC Network)

Highlighted for all sorts of uncomfortable racialism.

Oklahoma at Baylor (8:00, ABC)

See, one’s remote will get quite the late workout. Tricky matchup for BayBay, after a less than impressive showing with the new QB against the Fightin’ Undead Bill Snyders. Bloodeyes’ loss to Okie State has me skeptical we will see an unbeaten Big 12 team, which is too bad, as this entertaining, unorthodox league should have a playoff entrant. And not the fucking Big 10.

Washington State at UCLA (10:45, ESPN)

Hey, this is kinda late even for the Westies! For everyone else, your DVR/tweaker game o’ the week. Again, set it for 2 hours past the scheduled end time, in case of shenanigans.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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blordinaryfagicmox

Purportedly she posed for playboy,
http://www.i80s.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/80s_music_artist_tiffany.jpg
but aparently it was 20 years and 20 elective surgeries too late.

WCS
blordinaryfagicmox

Sodom and Zamorra!

WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

“You gotta be fucking kidding me!!!!”

Best horror movie line evah.

Covalent Blonde

I like that, OU. I really do.

WCS

What’s the problem? I talk to the elf king after a night of drinking, too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shouldn’t his rusty metal cup be smaller than the other rusty metal cup?

WCS

Not if he’s doing it right. Elf king can drink.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So basically you’re saying…he don’t give a fuck.
Honey Badger reference, ftw.

OK, I might need to stop drinking.

WCS

Oddly hypnotic.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite??

blordinaryfagicmox

Size 18-21 shoe? Imagine how big his…. hands are!

WCS

You know what they say about guys with big feet? They wear big socks.

Croooow

Gus Johnson is easily my favorite play-by-play announcer.

WCS

gsu johnson is a GLORYBOY anouncer who doesnt get it act u’ve been their befour imho joe buck is lunchpial ancouncer who wants it more imho #godbelss

Covalent Blonde

Wait, did Hogan just get killed on that play?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stanford really needs to give Allstate a call….they need some hands fo’ sho’

Covalent Blonde

YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, after the Spears thing I just had to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrGw_cOgwa8

blordinaryfagicmox
Covalent Blonde

You lucky fucks. Lucky, lucky fucks.

Covalent Blonde

I sure thought so. Blind dislike might have biased me

WCS

I have engaged the bourbon. This will either be the greatest or absolutely dumbest decision I’ll make this week.

blordinaryfagicmox

I would even move to Kentucky if I could engage bourbon

theeWeeBabySeamus

Remember when Britney Spears was a human female?
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No; she was always a bot invented by Disney Corp. …. a bot that went against it’s programming.

WCS

Cleopatra Spears will always get it:
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Covalent Blonde

Oregon, psst: cover the one whose helmet looks like a Lisa Frank folder

blordinaryfagicmox

I could’ve sworn one of those schools used to give out jolly roger stickers when a player did something bad, but I can find no evidence to support my conjecture.

Covalent Blonde

Aww. I want that to be true. But since we’re making it up, I now want it be actual Lisa Frank stickers.
Pass Interference = Purple Fucking Unicorn
Targeting = Neon Panda

blordinaryfagicmox

Wikipedia claims SMU uses the pony logo as stickers on their white helmets, but again I can’t find proof of it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helmet_sticker#Current_usage

theeWeeBabySeamus

They actually threw a flag on that.
Well, bonus…maybe some sad Oregon cheerleaders will need cheering up.

Covalent Blonde

Preeeettttttty sure could pushed some more yard if I made that punt. Even Hippo could… pantless and all.

WCS

THERE IS AN EXORCISM IN MY BOWELS STOP PLEASE SEND IMMODIUM AND OPIATES STOP PRAY FOR WCS’S COLON STOP

theeWeeBabySeamus

The power of metamucil compels you.

Covalent Blonde

I am holding some Lomotil against my screen. Are you receiving them, WCS? Come in, WCS.

blordinaryfagicmox
WCS

This is better than any birthday present I’ve gotten in a decade.

blordinaryfagicmox

I don’t like Reggie Watts, I just don’t get it. Almost as much as I don’t get why the hashmarks in college are wider than they are in the nfl.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Long pass five yards out of bounds…check.

Covalent Blonde

Oo. ‘Ford’s fumble feels so good!

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s that goddamned block S man, I’m telling ya. That shit is fitbaw kryptonite.

Covalent Blonde

I gotta say, Stanford’s field looks like it is made of the cushiest mossy clouds. If ever a turf monster existed, clearly Palo Alto is it’s native land!

blackroseMD1

Woo MF’n Pig!

Two years in a row Arkansas has knocked off ranked Ole Miss and LSU in back to back weeks. Be nice if we could do that to Bama now and then.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Buck Fama

Covalent Blonde

At first I was amused at the effort spent on explaining how LA and AR combined to look like a boot… then I about had a stroke when I heard “24 carat gold” and “weighs ~175 lbs.” Gaaaahhhh. You could use that on scholarships, you know?

WCS

To be fair, those scholarships would be in the departments of Shallow Gene Pool and Oyster Shucking.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never trust a team wearing red, and which has a block S on their helmet.
I’m telling ya….just don’t.

blordinaryfagicmox

OU player got ejected in the first half for kicking somebody’s head. I don’t think it was the first tussle of the game either.

blordinaryfagicmox

Or the general solution: rednecks from oklahoma dont like rednecks from texas.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ahhh….so that’s what the stepladder was for then.
Carry on, sir.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, anybody watching the Democrat’s Deba…..ahhhhh I can’t even type it with a straight face.

blordinaryfagicmox

Debate? But election day was like two weeks ago!

WCS

Too bad it wasn’t enough.
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blordinaryfagicmox

Nipples on ABC? Or was that a dude?

blordinaryfagicmox

As much as I hate LSU, I do kind’ve love their field, both for its numbers and midfield art, their only having one jersey, and their blatant disregard of 4th down etiquette involving gritty white runningbacks.

Covalent Blonde

The creepy “knowing eye” tickles my fancy. Now knowing that half the dudes their have bigger moobs than I do also gives me hope to attend a game coming exclusively in body paint!

theeWeeBabySeamus

How can you hate the school that gave us both Bert Jones AND the Honey Badger????

blordinaryfagicmox

And Jawhaleacus Russel, and Nick Saban the false confidence that he could coach in the nfl!

WCS

Remember when David Shaw was a can’t-miss, slam dunk NFL head coaching prospect?

Covalent Blonde

Am I the only one surprised by how well Arkansas is doing?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sleeping Giant.

Covalent Blonde

All the frags for LSU! Yeesh.

blackroseMD1

I’m an Arkansas fan, and I’m pretty surprised myself.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait…whut?

Lothar of the Hill People

I dunno; I think maybe Stanford has a chance against North Dakota.

Covalent Blonde

Say what you will about your (and >99% of other people watching NCAAF) disdain for ND (not North Dakota) I am pretty sure every time Stanford loses an angel get its wings!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve just re-arroved to the world of solo drinkage/fitbaw.

Did I miss any Les Miles grazing, or has he only been normal level cray cray so far?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate when the real world gets in the way of drunken sports viewing.

Plus, when I got home I had to go on a mission of goodwill down under. I expect mushroom clouds imminently, nonetheless. When will I learn?

blordinaryfagicmox

Food in the Arby’s commercial looks damn appetizing. Kill me now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I miss the 5 regular roast beefs for $5.
Damn you, inflation.

blordinaryfagicmox

The day I found out that the 5 for 5 dollar beef and cheddars were smaller than the regular menu beef and cheddars was the day I accepted defeat in the game of life.

blackroseMD1

That long pass attempt on second down was dumb.

WCS