The Calm Before the JV NFL Storm

With European footy on another goddamned international break, it’s up to the JV ranks to carry us through this mid-November Saturday. And we are kind of in-between the mega-showdown weeks. Last week had some yuuuuuuuge matchups, and the next two (including the extended Thanksgiving smorgasboard) will be pretty incredible. More of a setup vibe this week, though there is some intrigue later in the evening.

NC State at Florida State (12:30, ACC Network)

Really not happy with this TV coverage, especially with WESTERN FUCKING CAROLINA at TAMU getting national coverage at 7 (ESPNU). Even if WCU is likely where my oldest is going to college. Anyway, I actually like the odds of my wolven sort here, as Florida State is essentially playing without a QB, and the secondary is NC State’s weak point. The Noles also have nothing to play for, and the Wolfpack have been much better on the road (and historically have been something of a bogey side for FSU). Vegas’ line reflects this, with FSU opening as only a 9.5 point favourite.

Alabama at Mississippi State (3:30, CBS)

Don’t put Saban in the playoffs just yet. The Cowbells will not be an easy out, especially in Starkville (where LSU narowly escaped on a last-second FG miss in September). A loss puts the Mad Hatter back in the driver’s seat in the SEC West, and joy in the hearts of the unaffiliated masses nationwide.

Memphis at Houston (7:00, ESPN2)

This game was totes more interesting before Memphis got ass blasted by Navy. George Carlin: “As they say in the U.S. Navy, ‘There is no wrong hole!'”

Arkansas at LSU (7:15, ESPN)

That said, the Bayou Bengals are walking into a trap of their own. Yes, it’s Death Valley at night, but Johnny Reb learned the hard way about how much Pig Sooey has improved over the course of the season (as they seemingly always do). But this season, the program has developed enough that Arkansas is a legitimate threat to the powers-that-be, even on the road. I am quite sad this fixture is no longer on the traditional Friday after Thanksgiving, when it was often entertaining as fuck even when it looked like a mismatch on paper. Boo, schedule makers.

Oregon at Stanford (7:30, Fox)

Contrasting styles, potential shootout, Gus Johnson and Molly McGrath (gun show as pictured above). What more do you fuckers want? Oh yeah, Stanford can clinch a berth in the Pac 12 title game, and a chance to force a “winner takes playoff berth” matchup there against Utah, assuming they can derail the assholes of Notre Dame.

BYU vs. Missouri (7:30, SEC Network)

Highlighted for all sorts of uncomfortable racialism.

Oklahoma at Baylor (8:00, ABC)

See, one’s remote will get quite the late workout. Tricky matchup for BayBay, after a less than impressive showing with the new QB against the Fightin’ Undead Bill Snyders. Bloodeyes’ loss to Okie State has me skeptical we will see an unbeaten Big 12 team, which is too bad, as this entertaining, unorthodox league should have a playoff entrant. And not the fucking Big 10.

Washington State at UCLA (10:45, ESPN)

Hey, this is kinda late even for the Westies! For everyone else, your DVR/tweaker game o’ the week. Again, set it for 2 hours past the scheduled end time, in case of shenanigans.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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WCS

Even in JV footed ball BLEERGH demands sacrifice!

entropy

Odysseus Visits The Young God & Goddess Academy was probably one of the six lost volumes from Homer’s Illiad/Odessy cycle.

blackroseMD1

Yep. Brandon Allen is the #1 QB in the SEC by passer rating but, by all means, lets keep running it up the gut.

WCS

BERT don’t do what BERT does fer BERT BERT does wat BERT does cuz BERT is BERT

Spanky Datass

BERT! BRET! FUCK IT … WHATEVER!

Senor Weaselo

1st and 35, BLITZ!

entropy

Is a Ryan brother coaching the defense?

Senor Weaselo

I meant NCAA BLITZ, sorry.

blackroseMD1

This is exactly what I expected to happen when they scored before halftime.

blackroseMD1

Oh no…this is the Razorback M.O.

entropy

It occurs to me that I am not a big enough fan of the game at this level to get excited about anything. It also occurs to me I have tomato pie in the fridge. Both of these things are fine by me.

Senor Weaselo

Personal foul, getting shoved into someone for a late hit.

WCS

Crazy Les has made a career of being more lucky than geuxd.

blackroseMD1

Yeah, I could do with a little less of that.

WCS

3rd and 26? NFL BLITZ!

WCS

Good things happen when BERT jumps on his wife.

blackroseMD1

He needs to start doing it earlier in the season then. Damn Bert! Take a dozen for the team!

WCS

Isn’t this just what BERT does? They fucked around until the second half of last season, and then went on a killing spree.

blackroseMD1

Yep, seems that way.

blackroseMD1

Woo Pig!

WCS

I definitely have diarrhea (which I’m sure you’re all very interested to know), most likely from eating very leftover homemade soup last night. Should I drink or just pop some pills tonight?

blordinaryfagicmox

The danger of diarrhea is dehydration, so obviously drinking is the determined denouement.

blordinaryfagicmox

If I know anything about diarrhea, it’s that it’s already jelly

ballsofsteelandfury

This is wonderful.

Spanky Datass

Something with bitters often helps me. Dr Spanky sez rocks Manhattans with double splashes of bitters!

Spanky Datass

Yes. Many slobbers being knocked already.

BOOMER DAMN SOONER!!!!!1!

blordinaryfagicmox

Finally there’s some obvious evidence to support my buzzkill opinion:
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/ncaaf-dr-saturday/georgia-player-dazed-after-slap-to-the-helmet-by-coach–video-202310228.html
Stop hitting your own teammates in the head! Any and all contact to the head is detrimental. All you’re doing is giving ammo to the nfl’s legal team for their CTE lawsuit defense.

entropy

I don’t think it’s a buzzkill opinion; in fact, I agree with it. It just seems idiotic to me, that “celebrating” is smashing your head into a teammate’s head, or slapping the shit out of someone is a good idea at any time.

blordinaryfagicmox

Some people seem to think it’s along the lines of “Why won’t you let them have fun?” that goes with penalties for excessive celebration

Bloody Lethal

For some reason, I started betting on Kentucky every week. Every week I’m like this is going to work. Then every week I’m like what the hell were you thinking?

I need to see a shrink.

entropy

I was seconds away from my “insanity definition” thing, then I remembered how it turned out last time.

blackroseMD1

Dammit…forgot to buy beer before the game and halftime isn’t long enough anymore for a beer run.

Is it even possible to watch football sober? I feel weird.

Spanky Datass

But Minor League Football halftimes are insufferably long?

YOU CAN MAKE IT!

blackroseMD1

Worth a shot, anyway. To the booze!

blordinaryfagicmox
Spanky Datass
makeitsnowondem

Watching lady snow play Jade Empire right now. She’s pretty good!

entropy

NO PARTICIPATION RIBBONS!!!

WCS

comment image #MerryChristmasStarbucks #WarOnChristmas

blordinaryfagicmox

Obviously the war on christmas isn’t working.

Spanky Datass
entropy

I’m an artist. Occasionally, I spend my time drawing dumb shit for money, to make people laugh, or work something out of my head, or for a hundred thousand other reasons, but I hold the line at drawing something I disagree with just for a paycheck. BUT SOMEONE MADE THIS AND WAS PROBABLY SERIOUS ABOUT IT:

comment image

Spanky Datass

Bert Be le’ Lama is doin’ a heck of a hair growin’ job for Movember.

comment image

Spanky Datass

Bret, Bert whatever … fuck it.

WCS
entropy

I just did a random GIS and this popped up:

http://topratedviral.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/21831/fe.png

I don’t even want to know *why,* I just find the juxtaposition hilarious.

entropy

Sacrifices must be made.

Senor Weaselo

So horseradish mustard, however good it is, apparently overpowers thin pretzels to the point it becomes an easier way to transport said mustard without drinking it. And now I’m out of pretzels, to boot.

laserguru

I love all things mustard and horseradish so please continue.

Senor Weaselo

Somehow a container of Ommegang Abbey Ale Horseradish Mustard found its way into our fridge. I wholeheartedly approve.

entropy

Have you tried a spoon?

Senor Weaselo

I was using a butter knife to spread if that counts.

entropy

And we’re supposed to believe there are no gay football players…. sure.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, what’s with the chains for Houston?

blordinaryfagicmox

If JT Barrett was in the nfl, he would’ve gotten a heavier fine for those shoes than his DUI.

entropy

I am bored with photo editing already, so I feel I will introduce you to Efedra, another “alternative” model:

comment image

nomonkeyfun

Nice floor.

Why is she “alternative”?

Is it because of the arm tat, or the dyed hair?

entropy

Probably because she gets nekkid with a regularity, but I honestly don’t know. All I know is she is right pretty and not my alternative to anything.

laserguru

Why, thank you for that.

WCS

Womp, womp, Cyclones.

entropy

I am on the upstairs computer, mucking about with photos I should have cleaned up and gotten web-ready three weeks ago… I can hear the fucking clanging from the downstairs TV every few seconds and it’s making me insane.

Can I blame any CLANGA-related homicides on JV football?

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

entropy

Yay!

//goes back to happily sharpening knives

Senor Weaselo

See, I thought you meant blunt trauma with a cowbell.

entropy

I don’t own a cowbell, but if it will help the defense later, I will make the noise as I vent my rage.

Lothar of the Hill People

Step One: Label your attackers barbarians, less-than-human, justifying denial of human attributes and rights to them.
Step Two: Declare that any enemies should be destroyed/annihilated.
Step Three: Suspend Constitutional rights in the name of security.
Step Four: Defeat the terrorists.

WCS

Step five: ???
Step six: PROFIT

entropy

Wait. Where are the underpants in this scenario?

Senor Weaselo

Oh, dey gon PROFIT. Chuh chuh.

entropy

I explained that whole “dehumanize the enemy” thing to a friend of mine who WAS IN THE FUCKING MILITARY and she never quite got it, then began referring to anyone of Middle Eastern descent as a “towelhead.”

We don’t talk any more.

Lothar of the Hill People

I have an article about how the military increased soldiers’ hit/kill rates in combat from WWII to the modern era by introducing training to dehumanize the enemy. Basically, when presented with an opportunity for a kill-shot, WWII-era soldiers only took it about 10-15% of the time. Nowadays, we’re upwards of 90%, simply because we’ve taught our soldiers that the enemy is not human.

Lothar of the Hill People

Would this be an appropriate place to spew some hatred for Notre Dame?

WCS

Is there never not an appropriate place?

Lothar of the Hill People

FEAR THE TREE

nomonkeyfun

Preach on my brother from the Hills.

Senor Weaselo

I feel like this needs more CLANGA.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Incoming Clemsoning? Dabo. Dabo! DABO! was up 14-0 less than two minutes into this game, and is now only up, 31-24, and Syracuse ball.

Lothar of the Hill People

OK, almost done with my second high-ABV beer. Almost ready to answer student emails.

Of course, my Facebook feed is blowing up with friends of my friends posting racist crap. Maybe I should respond to some of them?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your friends are racist?

Lothar of the Hill People

No, their friends are.

Case in point, one of my colleagues is from rural Wisconsin, and although he’s pretty flaming liberal, some of his old high school friends (like some of mine) are mouth-breathing right wingers. I got in a Facebook fight with one of them after Ahmed Muhammad got arrested for his clock.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Understood.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NSFKUW:

h

ttp://40.media.tumblr.com/6a49efa8600ff7469d782285227a1d4f/tumblr_nwc234NNbm1rlvq3to1_1280.jpg

WCS

The Fightin’ T. Boone Pickenseses are doing what they do in a high-pressure road game against an inferior opponent with a shot at a Big 12 title on the line.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

SAD CLANGA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

“Wow, what a throw!”
/Almost gets picked

Senor Weaselo

“I’m also expedited for rye belfry wheat.” -Emmett Smith after that commercial

scotchnaut

BBQ-ed a porterhouse given to me by a supplier with corn, cauliflower and an Italian sausage. It was good. Time for sleep.

laserguru

Sounds delightful but it’s not even 2:00 yet!

Stay and drink with the rest of us heathens.

WCS

CLANGA? CLANGA!