Closing Out November – One Last Full EPL and JV NFL Celebration

Take a breath and really enjoy it, as it’s the last true cornucopia day – a full slate of all thing footy. Try not to get all emo and depressed, rather enjoy the moment. There is a metric fuckton to savor. Plenty of time to Steven Patrick Morrissey later, my ninjas.

Whilst there are other games in the Premiership this weekend (3rd place City and 8th place So’ton at 10 EST, NBCSN leading the pack)…all the buzz is rightly about the unexpected top of the table clah between 1st place Leicester and 2nd place Manure, just one point behind. Leicester hosts the fixture at King Power Stadium on Saturday (12:30, NBC), and it’s safe to say this is the biggest match in club history. I say that as an ugly American knowing absolutely fuckall about them prior to the past decade or so…but come on. This is yuuuuuuuuuggggge stuff. Worth missing, or at least flipping back and forth from, the early JV action. Leicester is easily the feel good story of the League so far, and I think they have some staying power. We shall learn quite a bit today.

Ohio State at Michigan (Noon, ABC)

HAI, assholes of the midwest! Just don’t fucking go to overtime. I have a blood hatred game to get to (see below).

Georgia at Georgia Tech (Noon, ESPN2)

Loser gets fired for sure. Winner just for maybe. Firings are always fun!

U*NC at NC State (3:30, ABC/ESPN2)

A reminder that NC State went into Chapel Hill and absolutely ran train on these cheating, semi-literate (being VERY generous here) assholes last season. The personnel isn’t THAT different, though each team has been more consistent this season. The Holes just play in a shit division where at least 3-4 coaches are retiring or getting fired, and the only other team that’s any good at all (Pitt, the only half-decent team the Holes beat all year) seemingly gets a new coach every season. Their other cross-division opponent this season was WAKE FUCKING FOREST. Their loss was to South Carolina (on a neutral field in Charlotte, the city I grew up in, which I can testify is crawling with Wal-Mart Hole fans). Yeah, the team that lost to The Goddamned Citadel last week. They are gonna get ass-raped by Clemson, and it would be nice if my wolves (who aren’t particularly great, but are at least physical and well-coached and will be up for this game) would give them a little pre-cursor of that action. I cannot (and DO NOT) watch this game around other human beings. The hate is visceral, and real. I will be several shades below human level for at least 4 hours.

Penn State at Michigan State (3:30, ESPN)

It would be very Sparty to fuck this game up and open the back door for tOSU to get back into the playoff picture while my rivalry game blood is boiling. Head in oven, or go all the way upstairs to get the razor blades? SO MANY TOUGH CHOICES.

Alabama at Auburn (3:30, CBS)

War Damn Eagle really isn’t very good, and Roll Damn Tide has been machine-like (just the way Nick Saban prefers it) ever since the Johnny Reb outlier game…but the Iron Bowl is frequently odd and unpredictable. One can’t rule out at least a circuitous route to the inevitable Nick Saban bathing in puppy blood celebration. Shit, I’m not sure I don’t want Saban to win, as letting Notre Dame or tOSU in the playoffs seems to be the far, far likeliest outcome of a Tide stumble, and I hate those fucks even more (plus I don’t see Bama winning the playoffs, just not enough from the QB position).

UCLA at USC (3:30, ESPN2/ABC)

COME BACK TO US, MARTIN!!! The men of Troy and the Bruins (Jewish QB!!! No ofence!!!!) in a winner takes all showdown for the Pac 12 South, and the right to play Stanford for the League crown and Rose Bowl berth. 3:30 window is too crowded. DO SOMETHING, CONGRESS!!!!11111

Ole Miss at Mississippi State (7:15, ESPN2)

Another rivalry game with a fun name. We are the Egg Bowl! Coo Coo Ka-Choo!!! Winner of this game can rightly proclaim themselves the 2nd best team in the SEC, which should get one a crusted over jizz rag this season (but likely gets a “New Year’s Six” bowl bid, though I am not altogether sure what that means). Florida is shit, as we all know.

Florida State at Florida (7:30, ESPN)

Really wish the Iron Bowl were in this slot so I could watch it more closely. This game interests me becase if/when the Noles run train on the shitty Gators, they apparently have a good shot to land in one of the aforementioned “New Year’s Six” bowls, which would put NC State in the Gator Bowl against a decent SEC opponent. That would make teh Hippo happy.

Notre Dame at Stanford (7:30, Fox)

Much like tOsu/Sparty last week, this is an important game that is likely to be very poor/hard to watch for the viewer. Especially since I suspect the fucking Irish to win comfortably (they were phoning it in looking ahead last week). That said, I was wrong about the outcome (if not the watchability) re Sparty last week, so hold onto hope, kids.

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State (8:00, ABC)

I am of the opinion that the Big 12 and the Pac 12 have produced the best, most entertaining footy all season long. Because of their depth, they have beat each other up (which is why a 4-team playoff is really fundamentaly unfair and full of perverse incentives, but I can expound on that more fully later perhaps). There’s really no way to sneak a Pac 12 team in, but I will pull hard for Boomer Sooner here, especially if BayBay loses Friday night. The Bedlam Game is officially my favourite of all the cool rivalry names.