A 12’s In Search of Answers



I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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Bee Bee Bah Bah Do Dah Dee Dee Dada Duhduhduh

Q: With the St Louis Rams (6-8) defeating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Thursday Night Football, are my Seattle Seahawks (8-5) a lock for the playoffs?
A: Not quite yet. Like this cookie, there is a little more left to do. Yum. Cookies are good.

Boo Boo Bah Bah Dee Dee Dum Dum Dada Duhduhduh

Q: So what needs to happen for the red-hot ‘Hawks to secure a spot in the post season? Just beat Cleveland at home this week?
A: No. If they beat Cleveland, they may still need to watch the Giants, Falcons, Redskins, Packers, and Vikings games this weekend. These games are all available with your subscription to Gigablast Holographic Gaming with 3D Food Printing Technology Internet.

Tick Tata Tat Tat Bum Diddy Dee Dada Duhduhduh

Q: Okay yeah sure, so what else are we looking at here then?
A: Good question. The Seahawks remain in limbo if the Giants beat the Panthers. At 13-0 and 1, Carolina is hot. Hey. This coffee is hot.

Bloop Blo Blee Beep Bahda Dada Duhduhduh

Q: I get there are always like 500 scenarios with playoff implications, even in Week 15, but what am I realistically looking for this weekend? Is it just a race between the Giants and the Seahawks then?
A: No. If the Redskins lose at home to the Bills this week, Seattle is in. But I don’t even need to be wearing my Warby Parker glasses to read my iPhone 6s telling me how hot Washington is at home so, like Buffalo, I should be wearing a women’s sweater.

Deep Boop Blap Bop Beedeep Doo Dada Duhduhduh

Q: Wait – what does the Redskins play have to do with you not needing glasses?
A: Ha. That is a joke. Because my glasses do not have prescription lenses, I do not need them. Ever. Ha.

Bah Bada Do Do Chicka Chicka Dada Duhduhduh

Q: So how would a competent weekend from the NFC East affect us?
A: It would require a Falcons loss, for one thing. I watch TV while grilling.

Doo Doo Da Da Bee Bee Ba Ba Dada Duhduhduh

Q: For one thing? What else? And how the fuck are you watching television outside in the middle of your yard? Even if the box doesn’t connect to the tv, don’t both products have to be plugged in to an electric outlet?
A: Sure. Falcons loss plus Vikings loss plus Packers Win.


Q: It’s fucking pulling teeth with you, asshole. But what if we don’t win? We aren’t out, right?
A: Right. A loss means nothing. Even with a tie, there are scenarios we can explain to which Seattle can still clinch a spot this weekend. We call it, Burger Time.


I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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I heard that shit, man! That shit wasn’t funny! Then I suppose in your little sketch, Stevie crashed into a tree, right? Ha ha, very funny, motherfucker! Your mother got a wooden leg with a kick-stand, motherfucker!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Gumby, damnit!


An even more fascinating thing is abreak down of the picture.

Guy on the left has numerous 12’s all over his face. Hand drawn in different markers. Did he write these all himself or did he ask his bro to do that for him? Probably done by someone else because not a sinle backwards 12 in there.

“But could they have been stamps?”

No, because each one is done slightly different. So this person had to come up with the idea and literally ask someone to write 12 all over his face.

Next up the guy on the right he is either chewing on something or his right cheek is so fat and puffy you can see it through his mouth gap. Also why does he want us to drive a Mazda so badly?


Those 12’s are painted from our patent pending, gluten free, soy based, pure organic, and locally made Seahawks ™ facepaint – handcrafted with love, right here in the Pacific Northwest. Our Seahawks ™ blue and green paint are uniquely based on the tears of Sonics fans, harvested each fall at the start of basketball season from across our great region, and again during May during the playoffs. No other facepaint knows the suffering each 12 goes thru each season, and we ensure that our Seahawks ™ facepaint will sear that suffering into your soul each time you use our paint by our secret ingredient: the blood of polar bears killed by each Starbucks cookie sold across the world. Our colors are also uniquely chosen: from the greenest of the green, dankest of the dank, marijuana proudly grown in Washington State to the bitterest, coldest, and most frozen of hikers harvested from our sponsored Mt. Rainier hiking and climbing expeditions held each winter.


No other facepaint knows the suffering each 12 goes thru each season

Thats cute.


Old School Zero

Don’t worry, you’re backed by super fan Macklemore. Nothing could go wrong.


more like mackle-less imo