Your Football-Centric, But Really, Just Have At It Saturday Afternoon/Evening Open Thread

Well, well, well. It would seem that we have a half-decent slate of games to nibble on before the usual Sunday feast. [time passes, like it always does] There are NO games tomorrow? None? It’s as though the NFL is run by idiots of the first order, doesn’t it? [sees thousands upon thousands upon thousands of football fans nodding their heads in unison in his mind’s eye]

Panthers/Titans-This just in-Panthers backup qb Derek Anderson is still, still, in the league. I thought everyone in the NFL (and probably his wife as well) had bailed on him long ago. Related-the other backup is Joe Webb and he also continues to collect a paycheque. Perseverance, thy name is shitty play-caller.

I mentioned this rook wr Tajae Sharpe last week and it looks as though there’s no letting up with this kid. He’s blown up the depth chart, leaving the likes of Andre Johnson, Harry Douglas, Kendall Wright and Justin Hunter in his wake. I must give Titans GM Jon Robinson a ton of credit for finding a starting wr in the fifth round. What he obviously didn’t spend on haircuts he had to have plowed into scouting.

Giants/Bills-THE BATTLE OF NEW YORK (sorry Jets, you’re not invited…again) takes place at 4pm Eastern on The NFL Network. Holy Shitballs!, injured-in-perpetuity wr Cruz is travelling with the team for the game! Unfounded rumours persist that a dementia-addled, surly old man who called himself “Tom” insisted on riding the team bus up to Buffalo.

Speaking of old men, where is Fred Jackson these days? It’s hard to believe that some team wouldn’t want to kick the tires on a tired 35 year-old rb that has little to no gas left in the tank.

Ravens/Colts-Fantasy-wise, would you touch any of the wr’s on this Ravens club? Me neither. Looking at their roster I see a bunch of youngish athletes that may never have had the attribute “talented” attached to them. Wallace is 30 and can still run those 2, maybe 3 routes that he runs and Smith Sr. is coming back from shredding his achilles. Best to stay away from this bunch.

Qb Luck is in for a quarter or so tonight. Keep an eye on wr Moncrief if you’re looking for value later on in your draft. This has to be Gore’s last time round as a starter, right? How the hell does he keep doing it on two rebuilt knees and a hip that will need replacing in a few years?

Bucs/Jags-With qb Winston coming along, the Muscle Hamster looking great in camp and the Evans/Jackson duo at wr, Tampa might have an under-rated offense this year. The d-line is solid as long as McCoy is around and lb Kwon Alexander turned quite a few heads as a rook last year. They might be a sneaky playoff pick.

Word-wise ‘Bortles’ is quite close to ‘bourble’-that can’t be a coincidence in this neck of the woods. Is it just me or do the Jags seem as though they should be an NFC team? It’s just me? Well, I’ll just go about adjusting my medication then. [storms out of room]

Saints/Texans-Expected starting cb Keenan Lewis was waived by the Saints t’udder day. It came as a surprise to those who follow the team. Given how lousy the secondary has been the last few years, I’m torn as to whether this was a good move or not. It’s not as though they’ve a bevy of talent to stick in there yet the herd should be thinned, I guess. I’m over-PK-ing this, aren’t I?

Speaking of things that don’t exist (solid coverage by a member of the Saints secondary, the Texans), name me one te/wr on the Houston roster that can take some of the pressure off the shoulders of the outstanding DeAndre Hopkins. I knew you couldn’t.

49ers/Broncos-Jeff Foxworthy is still whoring for Golden Corral? Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, Kaepernick won’t be playing tonight. Someone on the coaching staff must really like him. My question is “Why?”. (That was a “Denver has a great D” joke, btw)

Holy Exploding Bananacakes!!! 2015 seventh round draft pick/afterthought and adorably dorky-looking Trevor Siemian is running with the first team tonight. Apparently Coach Kubiak has a (strictly non-sexual) man-boner for the young ‘un and thinks he can be a starter sooner rather than later. The thing is, John Elway’s man-boner for Paxton Lynch holds more weight. Hey Gary, what’s it like not having the ear/trust of your boss?

Chiefs/Rams-I came across this by accident in the ESPN comments (I know, I know) This is a guy responding to someone else’s complaint about there being too many preseason games-

They had 6 preseason games in the 70s 80s and 90s then so what’s your point it’s 20 games and yes the NFL is in control that’s why it’s called the NFL do you what (sic) the government to control the NFL I do think Trump would be a better Commiss.

I think we all owe this man a debt of gratitude for conserving commas, periods, apostrophes and exclamation marks so that there will always be some available to us when we need them. Kudos to you, good sir!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Margot Robbie had an absolute shit script and pulled off Harley Quinn pretty well other than the 3-5 scenes that were just awful and there was no way she could make them work. I still wish they had gone with Tara Strong. I know she is older but always did a great job whenever she played Harley.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

That’s incredible.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

No clue what this is from. I obviously am just not going to bed now since I said my goodnight’s over a half hour ago then posted like 5 more comments.

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Just got off work. Blowing my tip money on pizza and beer and karaoke.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I should probably be heading to bed. I have my weekly visit with my mom tomorrow morning. Sorry for leaving you here alone while you eat pizza, drink beer and enjoy some karaoke. It sounds like a fun evening I would like to hear about as I stay up til 6 am but that probably isn’t the responsible choice.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

It’s not that fun. It’s relaxing as fuck after being on my feet for eight hours though.

JerBear50
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JerBear50

Tip money… are you back to table dancing again?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

You know it. Can’t keep this sweet ass off the pole.

JerBear50
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JerBear50

Phrasing… phrasing?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Yeah … Phrasing …

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just assume that is what everyone does to make money around here. There is no way so many of the people around here are actually lawyers

JerBear50
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JerBear50

It does seem like a startlingly high number.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Well, you’ve seen that Mr. Show sketch about how the legal profession really works, right? It’s 100% accurate.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Green Flash double IPA, btw

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My god Suicide Squad was a just a terrible movie.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

^^^^^^^

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

20 years later: “WAAAAAAAIT, my name is NORMAN!!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did you know that for religious reasons they reproduced through Osmo…………..SIS?

You see, because they…. she……. never mind.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/3857b8956d93d352e93dfb3776b05255/tumblr_nqx552ONso1sqf5tdo1_1280.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Sad news: I’m not going to win my insane Olympics pool this year, unless Djibouti wins gold in the marathon or something else crazy to my advantage.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am at the theater right now watching Suicide Squad because I would never steal a movie. It is just bad versions of otherwise potentially cool characters and a plot (I use that term very loosely) that at best the writers didn’t try to write well, more realistically just wrote a terrible script while abusing cocaine. Jared Leto’s Joker is especially bad

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

So I’m in a bar in West Los Angeles, with three high-definition TV sets in front of me. One has Olympic male platform diving, which is incredibly athletic and skilled, but is basically soft-core gay porn on NBC; the next set has female UFC fighting showing rwo chicks beating the shit out of each other, which in reality is not nearly as erotic as it sounds; and the third set has a professional rodeo championship featuring bull riding.

Well, goddamit, I guess I’ll just watch set number three and root for the bull.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

You wish UFC was that fun.

Brocky
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy
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I thought the Broncos backup QB was named Trevor Semen. That would’ve been quite the sticky situation.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You blew this joke too early.

JerBear50
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JerBear50

I thought his name was Trevor Simian, which would’ve been quite the sticky situapetion.

Brocky
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right
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If I had my way….

Give this a listen.

Got me into the whole rockabilly thing,

JerBear50
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JerBear50

The Dead used to do this one a lot but I’ve never heard the Blasters version before.

yeah right
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I feel like it’s my solemn duty to post this once in awhile.

Brocky
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