An excited murmur ripples through the flock of referees gathered in the Temple of Bleergh as High Priest Blandino takes the podium, a fanatical grin on his face.
Welcome Brothers! Once again we gather in His most holy Hall of Holding to pledge our undying dedication to Bleergh. Hail Bleergh!
HAIL BLEERGH!
Today is a special day, Brothers. As you know, this week we inscribe a new chapter into the Text of Forfeiture. This past Sunday the Lions and Titans combined for 29 penalties in honor of Bleergh. Not one, not two, but THREE Lions touchdowns were nullified by the sacred cloth in the first half! Flags for the Flag God!
FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!
It was during this time that play was disrupted so thoroughly, its rhythm torn asunder, that Bleergh Himself was nearly able to obliterate the barrier between this world and the next and take physical form! So very close were we, Brothers, to laying eyes upon His most horrible visage. Four consecutive flagged plays! Two touchdowns nullified in a row! It is in honor of this event, that we induct this new verse into the holy texts.
Blandino unfurls a scroll crafted from the discarded ticket stubs of disgusted fans, the text written with ink from the Tears of Loss with a quill fashioned out of RG3’s ACL. With each line he reads, the foul temple echoes with the ecstatic cries of the Yellow One’s cultists.
Penalties for the Penalty Throne!
PENALTIES FOR THE PENALTY THRONE!
JUSTICE!
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I looked it up and while hilarious Spread Eagle, WI is really not a Wisconsin town. That border area with the UP has been disowned for quite a while now.
I’ve stayed there. It’s most definitely in Wisconsin. Far north, but well inside. Hey-YO!
“I’m so scared to think that children may some day look back and not know how to identify the Illegal Crackback penalty. Where has our country gone!?”
-Any Old Woman on Facebook
Dear September,
Sup? Just wanted to let you know that the last two weekends were really special to me. The pre-dawn rain showers, the sparkling sunrises and gentle cool breezes were spectacular. Oh how we frolicked and cavorted. (Was that cavorting? I think that was cavorting. Yes, I’m sure there was cavortion.) Not to mention the football, real football. But the thing I wanted to mention was these weekdays. They have been, how can I put it?, kinda Augusty and that’s not cool. August is an overbearing, sweaty-balled shit burger no body likes. So please September be wonderful cool your self and let that dick August be gone for the year.
Yours in BLEERGH
Spanky
I KNEW you were cavorting with Spanky, September you whore
I don’t remember having seen before a 1st and Goal by the 30. Seeing your team losing to that team takes real faith.
1-1 fuckos! ???
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They need to contract two teams to increase the quality of play.
After a few years no one will remember that the Jaguras were ever there, and nobody cared about the Texans to begin with.
I vote for one of those teams to be the Ravens just to piss off Baltimore fans again.
Just to move the Browns to Baltimore AGAIN.
And have them win ANOTHER Superb Owl. That would be the Factoryest thing ever.