Your Sexy Soccer Saturday and JV Football Week 4 Open Thread

Teh Hippo needs a break this weekend, so I’m filling in with the DFO version of Saturday morning cartoons. Sadly, many of our younger readers may not remember a time when networks would actually show cartoons on Saturday mornings and kids would watch them with a cereal or snack at the ready

Man, I’m old.

Anyway, Saturday mornings for me now consist of watching European fútbol with a Modelo Chelada Tall Boy and munching on Sabritones.

Breakfast of Champions

The day then continues with college football depending on who is playing and if I have nothing else better to do.

In order to make that decision as to what to watch, you need listings, don’t you? Well, I gave you the soccer listings on Thursday afternoon, so here are your CFB listings for today (all times Eastern):

Saturday, Sept. 28

Texas Tech at Oklahoma | 12 p.m. | FOX
Northern Illinois at Vanderbilt | 12 p.m. | SEC Network
Texas A&M vs. Arkansas (Arlington, TX) | 12 p.m. | ESPN
BYU at Toledo | 12 p.m. | ESPN+
Northwestern at Wisconsin | 12 p.m. | ABC
Middle Tennessee at Iowa | 12 p.m. | ESPN2
Holy Cross at Syracuse | 12 p.m. | ACC Network
Central Michigan at Western Michigan | 12 p.m. | CBSSN
Kansas at TCU | 12 p.m. | FS1
Rutgers at Michigan | 12 p.m. | Big Ten Network
Buffalo at Miami (OH) | 12 p.m. | ESPNU
Delaware at Pitt | 12:30 p.m. | ACC RSN
Clemson at North Carolina | 3:30 p.m. | ABC/ESPN
Southern California at Washington | 3:30 p.m. | FOX
Coastal Carolina at Appalachian State | 3:30 p.m. | ESPN+
Georgia Tech at Temple | 3:30 p.m. | CBSSN
Wake Forest at Boston College | 3:30 p.m. | ACC Network
Iowa State at Baylor | 3:30 p.m. | ABC, ESPN or ESPN2
Virginia at Notre Dame | 3:30 p.m. | NBC
Ole Miss at Alabama | 3:30 p.m. | CBS
Indiana at Michigan State | 3:30 p.m. | Big Ten Network
Florida Atlantic at Charlotte | 3:30 p.m. | NFL Network
Minnesota at Purdue | 3:30 p.m. | ESPN or ESPN2
Akron at UMass | 3:30 p.m. | FloSports
Towson at Florida | 4 p.m. | SEC Network
SMU at South Florida | 4 p.m. | ESPNU
Cincinnati at Marshall | 5 p.m. | CBSSN on Facebook
East Carolina at Old Dominion | 6 p.m. | ESPN+
New Mexico at Liberty | 6 p.m. | ESPN+
Arkansas State at Troy | 6 p.m. | ESPN+
Louisiana at Georgia Southern | 6 p.m. | ESPN+
Mississippi State at Auburn | 7 p.m. | ESPN
Stanford at Oregon State | 7 p.m. | Pac-12 Networks
UConn at UCF | 7 p.m. | ESPN2
South Alabama at UL Monroe | 7 p.m. | ESPN+
UTEP at Southern Miss | 7 p.m. | ESPN+
UAB at Western Kentucky | 7 p.m. | ESPN+
Louisiana Tech at Rice | 7 p.m. | ESPN3
Nicholls State at Texas State | 7 p.m. | ESPN3
Kansas State at Oklahoma State | 7 p.m. | Big 12 Now on ESPN+
N.C. State at Florida State | 7:30 p.m. | ACC Network
Ohio State at Nebraska | 7:30 p.m. | ABC
Colorado State at Utah State | 7:30 p.m. | CBSSN
Kentucky at South Carolina | 7:30 p.m. | SEC Network
UNLV at Wyoming | 8 p.m. | ESPNU
Houston at North Texas | 8 p.m. | CBSSN on Facebook
Fresno State at New Mexico State | 8 p.m. | FloSports
Washington State at Utah | 10 p.m. | FS1
UCLA at Arizona | 10:30 p.m. | ESPN
Hawai’i at Nevada | 10:30 p.m. | ESPN2

Here is your omakase menu for the day (all times Pacific):

4:00 AM – Athletic Bilbao v Valencia (BeIn Sports)

6:00 AM – Juventus v SPAL (ESPN+)

7:00 AM – Getafe v Barcelona (BeIn Sports)

8:30 AM – Bordeaux v PSG (BeIn Sports)

9:00 AM – Texas Tech at Oklahoma (Fox)

12 Noon – Atlético Madrid v Real Madrid (BeIn Sports)

12:30 PM – USC at Washington (Fox)

That should take you through the evening thread. I’m pretty sure the evening thread won’t cover soccer, so I feel compelled to tell you that Liga MX has TWO clásicos on tap today with the Clásico Regio of Monterrey v Tigres UANL on at 5:00 PM Pacific followed by the Clásico Mexicano of América v Chivas de Guadalajara at 7:00 PM Pacific.

And now,

Litre’s Obscure Team that Hippo Probably Bets On Of The Week!

Do you like crazy people? Do you like crazy owners who carry guns? Then do I have a club of the week for you!

Today we head to Greece and take a look at PAOK which stands for Pan-Thessalonian Athletic Club of Constantinopolitans. ΠΑΕ ΠΑΟΚ, Πανθεσσαλονίκειος Αθλητικός Όμιλος Κωνσταντινοπολιτών.

This unit is out of Thessaloniki and are the current Greek Champions which is a fact that I did not know. (Note: they went undefeated and won the Greek Cup as well) The bad news is that they lost to Ajax in the Champions League qualification and also lost in the Europa League playoff to Slovan Bratislava. The good news is that after 4 weeks they are tied for 1st with Olympiacos with 10 points. They have a very international roster with a few Brazilians and a mix of Europeans. I do not recognize a single player so we will leave it at that.

PAOK was originally Hermes ACAC which was formed in Istanbul in 1875. As all are aware the Turks and Greeks aren’t chummy so when the Greco-Turkish war happened these folk (Greek by ethnicity) moved to Thessaloniki which explains the Constantinople part of their name. 

When you travel throughout Greece you see graffiti with PAOK tagged everywhere in the Athens. Their supporters are insane and it stems from one man. Their owner Ivan Savvdis and boy howdy is he a handful. The reason that I chose these guys is that a while back I saw an article about a Greek club owner who was brandishing a gun on the pitch.

This was a game against AEK.

Ivan Savvidis apologized for his behavioUr two days after the game and he was later banned from all football stadiums for three years. From Wikipedia “Ivan Ignatyevich Savvidi, is a Russian businessman and politician of Caucasus Greek origin. Savvidis is one of Russia’s wealthiest men and was a member of the Russian Parliament, closely linked to the President Vladimir Putin”.  There it is, we know all we need to know about this guy.


These guys have a lot of rivals, Aris is their hometown rivals but they pretty much hate everyone including AEK Athens, Panathanaikos, and Olympiakos due to northerners hating Athenians. 

This place has seen some shit.


They play out of Toumba Stadium which holds 29k and is all seated.

Greek hooligans are just as awesome as their Turkish counterparts just there has been less incidents with English hooligans so we don’t hear to much about them. PAOK’s biggest ultras group is called Gate 4 who are renowned as one of the top 20 thuggish groups in the world. From Bleacher Report “Grecian side PAOK FC are known for their fans in the Toumba Stadium. Known as “Black Hell” to many sides that set foot in the stadium. The Gate 4 supporters are the most infamous and cause the majority of problems that the club is ever known for.” Look up on YouTube what these nutters are capable of, here is a taste to whet your whistle. 


There is a lot to unpack here.

-Clearly this is an away game and they are trashing the stadium.

 – I enjoy the Greek music in the background, so serene and peaceful, then about minute 7 Happy comes on.  

– The Greek authorities try to keep the supporters apart but even barbed wire, 3 empty sections can’t quench the thirst for violence.

 – Minute 9 has the boys battling on what looks like a catwalk where there are no authorities with “Moves like Jagger” playing

– The best part of this long video is that at no time is there any football shown. 


Firebombs? Hell yes!
Anyhoo these guys are nuts, their owner is nuts and they play AEK on Sunday and I am sure there will be no violence. 

***

And now, your Sexy Soccer Saturday ladies! All photos courtesy of the Futbol Babes Twitter account.

Had to do it…

***

Finally, I wanted to bring to your attention a YouTube channel that I recently discovered. I don’t know why, but this guy reminds me a lot of BFC, who I’ve met in real life. In any case, he (not BFC, the guy on the video) does a bunch of videos about making cocktails and he’s pretty funny and the camera work on the extreme closeups is pure alcohol-pour-porn. In the early episodes, it was more alcohol-spill-porn, but he’s gotten better at it. Anyway, take a gander and see if you like it:

***

That’s all for me. See you next week!

(118/69)

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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scotchnaut

Terry Pratchett’s most under-rated work? Gotta be his Tiffany The Witch YA series. They are written with so much heart and honesty-despite dealing with topics such as domestic abuse and infanticide. Really superior writing.

ArmedandHammered

I love this series, my favorite still being Wee Free Men. Crivens!

Brocky

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litre_cola

Does she ride the full pipe?

scotchnaut

Only helicopter girls can do the full 180.

scotchnaut

This Notre Dame team are the early Tom Brady Pats teams: they’re not really that good but all the calls go their way.

Unsurprised

Notre Dame makes the right people shitloads of money. Go figure.

Sharkbait

BC: let’s take a delay of game penalty on a field goal attempt, and have the kicker make the FG anyway!

Next play: fucked up snap, incomplete pass. Turnover on downs!

Sharkbait

What is a catch: JV flavor!

scotchnaut

“Play Like A Pylon Today”

-sign touched by every Notre Dame player exiting the locker room, 09/28/19

BrettFavresColonoscopy

:belch:

scotchnaut

“You’ve gotta do better than this! My ridiculous salary is on the line here!”

-the halftime speech of every Power 5 Conference football coach ever

Unsurprised

Just reading that pisses me off.

scotchnaut

Just reading that pisses me off

Your contribution to Balls’ Pornhub search adventure will not go unnoticed.

Unsurprised

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Brocky

Apparently i should give AHS another try.

https://gfycat.com/likelyinfiniteamethystsunbird

totally not going to give it another try

Brocky

I’m not saying that being tied with IU at halftime is a good benchmark that your team is overrated…….

I have no idea how to end this joke…..

Brocky

…i stand corrected

Sharkbait

BC. Putting all beer stands on one level is poor design. Just saying

Brick Meathook

Among the Elgin Marbles at the British Museum are a bunch of fighting scenes. Most have been damaged over time. Some are missing heads, some are missing arms; but ALL of them have had their dicks busted off.

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scotchnaut

“Lorena Bobbit? Worst hire ever!”

-British Museum HR

Viva La Tabula Raza

Mark Sanchez needs to shave a little more closely. He looks kinda dirty.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yep. Responded, too.

scotchnaut

VIRGINNY SCORE!

/I like it when the Notre Dame loses

Unsurprised

/I like it when the Notre Dame loses

Fuck Notre Dame

LemonJello

U*NC fans have bought into what Mack Brown is selling.

Timeshares. He’s selling them timeshares.

LemonJello

Correction: Mack Brown is selling U*NC fans raffle tickets for the local Knights of the Confederacy Columbus pancake breakfast.

Sharkbait

Halftime in Newton*. BC 17-17 Wake Forest. Surprisingly entertaining JV match.

*BC has no property in Boston city limits.

Sharkbait

All is now right with the world. Too long without beer.

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scotchnaut

According to the instructions at the bottom of your glass I should ‘Plurse Gank Bablonskiy”. I’m not gonna promise anything, but I will try.

herodotus450

And yet even if Clem loses, they probably still win the ACC with one loss and get into the playoffs.

herodotus450

Looks like Clemsoning is back on the menu, boys.

scotchnaut

“Menu? Boys? Where?”

-Mark Trestman, filling up his Free Candy! van

LemonJello

Did they replace Clemson with the Dolphins and forget to tell everybody?

scotchnaut

Uh, what is going on here?

LemonJello

U*NC leads the Sons of the Confederacy Clem with 5 to go in the 1st half.

Unsurprised

h

ttps://pbs.twimg.com/media/EFhM566XkAY5m31.jpg

tomsellecksmoustache

So embarrassing to have a typo on your underwear. Strange, too, since they spelled it right earlier.

Sharkbait

The BC marching band apparently only knows the first 5 measures of Oh Fortuna! And they like that song a lot.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
tomsellecksmoustache

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Mr. Ayo

My man.
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scotchnaut

Sarah Silverman’s younger Latina sister really has her shit together.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Gotta be Cooper Kupp’s sister.

Unsurprised

Dee Kupp, on a good day.

Sharkbait

Pretty sure the BC student section has only 20 people in it

Bloody Lethal

20 virgin nerds you mean?

LemonJello

It goes against everything, but do we root for U*NC to upset Son of Clem?

/spits on ground

Sharkbait

ACC football! Catch the excite!

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Unsurprised

Still beats UNM home games. Although I’m curious about the turnout at this game the Lobos are playing at Liberty.

scotchnaut

Live BOTG? We’ve gotta set up a paywall for this sort of content.

Unsurprised

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litre_cola

Si senor!

Unsurprised

And, of course, this was the edit. The original is longer but becomes NSFW

Unsurprised

h

ttps://i.pixxxels.cc/8PTKjVdK/3LuZObi.gif

litre_cola

So it does.

scotchnaut

She puts the “tramp” in trampoline.

King Hippo

depression naps are GREAT because always available (except RedZone Sundays), but I have no remedy to stop dreams

brain, I hate you every bit as much as you hate me

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

I can make a tutorial for gfycat. Just a minute.

scotchnaut

“Texas A&M’s qb Mond means the world to me.”

-French college football fan

King Hippo

from aTm to ATM on BeIn

Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

Now do that thing with your tongue!

Wakezilla

Toddlers fucking suck. This past week, Toddlerzilla inexplicably decided she never wants to sleep and barely eat, and has decided to develop seperation anxiety from her mom and can’t stand me for no reason. This would all be fine except Mrs. Zilla has been out lots and I’m stuck with Toddlerzilla.

We were having a blast for the past few hours and like a switch went off in her irrational brain, she is having a meltdown because the Mrs. isn’t here.

If I jump out the window of the third story head first, that’d do it, right?

litre_cola

Not with the ground not frozen yet. You might want to go play on the #2 highway.

Sharkbait

Once again this is making parenting sound great. 1 month until baby sharkbait shows up…

litre_cola

Yeah it sucks but it is hilarious as well. Beware of teething and the mood swings.

King Hippo

/insert metaphor FOAR lief

Unsurprised

Celibacy seems like the better option every day

King Hippo

if I could go back, I’d have a vasectomy on my 18th birthday

scotchnaut

“Kids acting up again? This is a common problem that has an easy solution. First, fill your bathtub 2/3’s of the way up. Not too hot! You don’t want to burn your hands and forearms. Next, announce, “There’s ice cream in the bathroom!”. I’m not going to lie-there will be some flailing but not for long. If you’re not sure you can go through with this, practice on a pet.”

-excerpt from Andrea Yates’ advice column

King Hippo

Fat lady in JerralWorld crowd with a shirt that says “Go Pig Or Go Home”

herodotus450

I wear that shirt to the bar every week, no dice so far.

scotchnaut

The long-since disproved argument, “she deserved what she got because of the way she was dressed” actually carries a lot weight here.

litre_cola

Just woke up from a snooze. Wife and kid are still sleeping, I really shouldn’t wake them to take Decilitre to swimming as he has a bit of a cough right? RIGHT?

/looks across room at wine fridge and smiles

scotchnaut

Have you already done your visit with Game Time?

litre_cola

Yeah 3 weeks ago. Went to a lovely brewery in Whitby. The woman on my team that had to go to your town said it was absolutely lovely the afternoon she was there!

Wakezilla

You COULD take Deci swimming with a cough in -2 weather, but then you’re risking him getting super sick. Let them sleep!

litre_cola

That is my thinking. If he was up I would have gone, but let them sleep I believe.

scotchnaut

The Texas in the AM/Arky tilt doesn’t suck bull balls.

Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

So I’ve got this hiking route that I do. It’s a combo of two different trails and a back road. The first time I did it, it took 85 minutes. I’ve whittled it down to 80, then 75, then 65 minutes over the last few weeks. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m thinking about how I can add extra kilometers so I can get back to a 90 minute workout.

Today I did the usual route and ran (jogged) parts of it to see how much further I could decrease my time. I got back into my vehicle and checked. 83 minutes! How?! I ran part of it! Have I been gaslighting myself? Did I experience an anal probe quickie courtesy of The Greys? WTF?

Bloody Lethal

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Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal
scotchnaut

I feel stupid. I feel useless.

Finally, someone that really gets me!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Hey Balls, last night you said I should send you an email. I can’t figure out how to find your email address on this here site. Please instruct old techno-tard.

Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

Uncle Bill went to the optometrist the very next day.

Unsurprised

To his credit, he got some decent horizontal distance before landing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

How is aTm 2-2 but still ranked?

herodotus450

Losses just mean more in the sec

litre_cola

If you are asking about ass To mouth, I think our resident porn expert is around.

Sharkbait

Also I do enjoy the How to Drink YouTube channel. Dude is what I want my column to be.

Senor Weaselo

I’ve been watching Binging With Babish, even though I’m still a lousy cook between that and Sunday Gravy.

Sharkbait

Tailgating without a car is weird, but also successful. Did a drop-off of the cooler and wheeled all the stuff in to a clutch spot. Let the drinking continue